Fish fingers

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"Totally rad".

Having fish fingers is a relatively new fad that is quickly gaining ground in North America, mostly among the goth subculture. The idea was a simple one: if fish are cool, and fingers are not, why not replace fingers with little fish?

Fish Fingers: Practical?[edit]

However, problems have quickly arisen, both ethically and practically. Many fish finger fanatics (the FFF) have complained about the constant wiggle of their fingers, which often keep them awake at night, and the fact that the fish fingers unconsciously nibble on things.

Coined "The Wiggle Nibble" issue among FFFs, several theories have developed on how to deal with the problem.

  1. Fry and eat your fingers.
  2. Periodically put your fingers into a river and let them swim around a bit.
  3. Smoke a lot of grass.
  4. Smoke a lot of grass (Wut? Did I write that twice?)
  5. Slap your fingers against a rock until they lie still.

Fish Fingers: Ethical?[edit]

Detachable Fish Fingers: A Compromise?

The Christian Church has publically expounded the sins of fishfingers, citing a popular passage from the bible as the reason:

Some fishfingers bend from sight or burn down to nothing but fossils and dust. With this kind of loss, it's easy to lay blame. My mother used to say we were tied to water, tied with fingers of fish. Even Jesus, she said, fed the multitudes with fish fingers, and called Judas a fishfinger of men. Every Friday, I was too scared to eat, sure stigmata would blossom from the cod she served with a tartar sauce so bitter from lemon it would scorch my mouth and turn it into the cave where an ex-priest ate the bones of fishfingers to atone for his sin.

However, this can be interpreted in many ways. Are fishfingers themselves sinful, or a way of atoning for sin? Are they in fact a form of self-mutilation caused in order to "feed the multitudes", or is eating your own fishfingers a way to take back a sin previously committed? There is no easy answer.