A flame is a piece of language used to inflict ego burns on others. (It is also used by emos that hate everyone on the internet.)
The history of flames
The first flame was created by Mr. T in 1867 BC as a way of combatting Jesii, something that it was very good at. In fact it was so good that Ultra Jesus was designed and built primarily to resist such painful attacks on the soul.
As a result of this, it was decided by Darth Vader and 13 (a.k.a. the Anti-Number, sworn enemy of 42) to unleash flames on the world in general as a way of distracting the Jesii. The flames were released in 176 BC, and ever since that time the world has been a place of beautifully constructed abuse.
The Ultra Flame, the most powerful flame ever, with the equivalent burning power of reallyreallyreallyhotium, was invented in AD 1912 as a way of forcing the Germans to back down and give Brighton to Norman, Duke of Williamdy. It used the combined forces of English and French, and was written by Churchill. The only thing that can resist the Ultra Flame is Ultra Jesus.
Recognising a flame
Flames are immediately obvious as even the slightest glance will cause the temperarure of the soul to rise greatly. The Ultra Flame causes a fifth degree ego burn to anyone who even sees one letter of its awesome power.
Ego burns vary in strength from first to fifth degree. A first degree ego burn will merely sting, while a fifth degree will cause such agony that even 13 would be appalled at the pain it inflicts.
The only cures for ego burns are time, suicide, Jesii, death by a grue/anti-grue/eurg and Mr. T's gaze. Some believe Jedi can cure ego burns, but these people are the lying, twisted, demented, scum-like spawn of kitten loving, Jesii eating, mutant demons and politicians. Forth degree burns can only be cured by Ultra Jesus, suicide and grue/anti-grue/eurg-related death. Fifth degree burns are immune to everything but Mr. T's stare.
weapons of war
A device used to transfer flames is known as a flamethrower. The first flamethrower was the throwing arm, an appendage now only seen on kittens and determined (i.e. insane) humans. Nowadays the cyberweb is used.
Uses of flames
- Burning Tamia albums.
- Killing kittens.
- killing non-Ultra Jesii.
- Distracting Ultra Jesus.
- Defeating anti-grues and eurgs.
- Paralyzing grues (must be done with the utmost sarcasm) (this works by attracting the grue with a complete lack of sarcasm in the flame and repelling it with the immense sarcasm in your voice. Do NOT use the Ultra Flame unless you truly wish to die).
- Invoking grue attacks.
- Causing people to commit grue-related suicide.
- Nuking Wikipedia.
- Taunting nerds.
- Being mean in general.