Fleeceze
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Fleeceze is an evil conspiracy to rule over the World and its hapless prisoners. It has the front of a door-to-door catalogue business selling worthless tat to vulnerable old age pensioners and stoats. It also preys on middle age crisis victims who are desperate and unemployed to deliver these catalogues for half the minimum wage. Fleeceze is NOT a pyramid scheme, it just has a square base and four triangular sides converging to a peak.
Contents |
[edit] Origins
Maximilius Cornelius Slavedriverius Cuntus Maximus is acknowledged to have founded the cult in Rome in 29 AD. He used slaves to dump slabs of clay with lists of tacky togas and oils for hemorroids, cures for lego cancer and useless kitchen gadgets through everyone's letterboxes. In this respect nothing has changed whatsoever over the course of almost 2000 years.
In order to expand business, all Fleeceze slaves had to wear badges saying, "Do you know anyone in Persia who wants to get rich quick?" to try and lure more suckers into selling their souls to the Fleeceze devil. In this way the disease spread like a putrid cancer of the soul, eating away the very essence of humanity. By 45 AD the whole of Europe was under the influence of this evil corporation. Whilst everyone had potato peelers that exclaimed, "All hail Emperor Cuntus Maximus" and their strawberry jam cured of diabetes, every facet of everyone's life was controlled by this monstrous abomination.
[edit] Fleeceze and Religion
Fleeceze founded its own religion Fleecelam, which means Submission to Emperor Cuntus Maximus. Emperor Cuntus Maximus is the supreme being of the religion. The Five Pillars Fleecelam are Submission, More submission, Dehumanisation, Demoralisation and Give us your fucking money.
[edit] Workers' Rights
When you buy your latest useless fad from Fleeceze, you rest assured that the corporation is proud of there being absolutely no record of any rights ever for its slaves. Any slaves having the temerity to stand and up and complain that being paid half the minimum wage for a 80 hour week whilst having to try and undercut someone else being taken for a mug are lined up and shot at dawn with the Fleeceze Commie Scum Annihilator Neutron Gun (catalogue no. 34235/2 £24.59 - infinite energy supply not included)
[edit] Future of Fleeceze
As every square inch of the world has been dominated and plundered by Fleeceze, their constant desire to expand like Eric Cartman on Fleeceze WeightGain 3000 (catalogue no. 235234/5 price £2.99 per tub) has led them to target pergatory for new recruits. Fleeceze Executive Distributors (Fleecezian for bonded slaves) must now ask customers if they have any deceased friends or family who have been "for the most part good, but ever so slightly naughty now and then" who would be delighted to take part in the exciting Fleeceze Thatcherite Business Profitmania oppertunity (translates as Modern-day slavery from Fleecezian into English).
