Fleetwood Mac
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Fleetwood Mac is a controversial organization of musicians led by the namesake John "Mac" McCain who survived the sinking of the Lusitania by holding onto a piece of fleetwood (I don't know what the fuck that is) and Stevie Nicks.
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[edit] Who?
Fleetwood Mac is an influential and commercially successful (well, if you're asking Stevie Nicks, that is) Anglo-American band that over the years has had a bigger turnover rate than a Taco Bell in Siberia. The only member that has been in the band since the beginning is its namesake, bass fiddle player John McCain, often simply called "Mac", while keyboardist Christine McVie was recently seen on a double-decker bus staring off into space and drooling, whilst repeating over and over, "I never saw her coming . . . I NEVER saw her coming! . . ." It is commonly believed that it was a Mac that led the band in the early years, but it would never have enough RAM.
The two most successful periods for the band were during the late sixties British Blues Boom, when they were led by guitarist Peter "It Isn't Easy Being" Green, and also from the late 1960s to the present. It has been estimated that Fleetwood Mac's album and single sales are higher than the total national GDP of Saudi Arabia and in fact, all the OPEC nations combined. (Perhaps not coincidentally, the country of Columbia has recently dedicated a National Holiday in their honor.)
[edit] Why do people like them?
There are two theories as to the reasons for Fleetwood Mac's unbelievable, unprecedented success.
I. Stevie Nicks is the most phenominally talented songwriter and performer of all time. Her Genius is unspeakable and angels gasp when they hear her name. Notes just FLOW from out of nowhere onto the written page. They just come THROUGH her, as if they were coming from . . . SOMEBODY else or some SPIRIT CHANNEL or an old POETRY book or something! To understand her music, take d / dtD(t) = a.D(t) − k(integral0 − t)D(t)dt and solve. Or just give up, relax, and enjoy the damn music.
II. Lindsey Buckingham is the most phenomenally talented songwriter and performer of all time. His Genius is unspeakable and angels gasp when they hear his name. Notes just FLOW from his guitar (using a "Diatonic" style, which, apparently, NOBODY knows what the f. it is) and Eddie Van Halen calls out his name during orgasm. Notes just come THROUGH him, as if he was home sick with mono one day and wrote three or four lines about being afraid, added a couple of guitar licks with a bridge, and made a career out of that and Acting Poetic with Lots of Angst. His perfection is unmatched. However, since he's any good at all, he knows he can be better, as he's reminded us about 12 or so times now. See also pissed; cycle; and (not about) art
The two factions behind these theories have not been able to come to terms, and are currently lining up in a battlefield in France next to a lovely chateau draped with lots of bouganvillea and a lovely peach tree. Chiffon, tambourines and feathered top hats are getting ready to fly . . . .
A third theory as to why people like them is the "AH! WHY not!?" Theory. Questionnaires have been mailed out to proponents of this Theory but unfortunately the response rate has been rather low.
[edit] Early Years
Fleetwood Mac was formed in 1967 in London when Peter Green left the British blues band, John Mayall & the Ballbreakers. Green had replaced guitarist Eric Clapton in the Ballbreakers, and received permanent brain damage from banging his head against the wall repeatedly when he realized what a muffed-up idea THAT was. A whole lot of people steal a whole lot of people away from a lot of different bands. Peter Green hooked up with Mick Fleetwood and a guy nobody gives a fuck about called Bob Brunning who later got the boot and was replaced by John McVie. Some months later a religious guy with Tourettes Syndrome and a dildo poking out of his trousers called Jeremy Spencer joined up. Their debut album was put out in 1968 followed by "Mr Shitbag" later that year with ex drag queen Danny Kirwan coming on board. Peter Green and Danny Kirwan both huffed a ginger kitten resulting in severe mental illnesses. Peter Green did some songs called "Kitten Huff Woman", "Man of the Solar System" and the "Ginger Kitten with the 2 pronged Crown" before running away in 1970.
[edit] Christine Perfect:
McVie felt it would be interesting to have his girlfriend join in on The Shenanigans. Yeah THAT was a good idea! Nobody's perfect, but her songwriting and singing were. She stayed on as an Official Member until she had to go roll her eyes and puke. Lindsey Buckingham immediately asked, "What are you all looking at ME for!?"
[edit] Buckingham Nicks:
Ugh! You probably know this part already. Mick wanted the guitarist, the guy wouldn't join without his g-friend, Stevie, who played all the albums "back to front" for some strange reason. This, perhaps, was a portent of things to come. Everything went wonderfully for about three microseconds and then lots of Shenanigans, Boozing, Partying, and most especially fighting went on. Everybody hated everybody because they loved each other so much. Or they loved everybody because they hated each other so much. Stevie was totally innocent in all of this because she was just a babe in the woods who didn't even know that cocaine could hurt you and had the heart and mind of a chalcedony angel. Oh - lots of yelling and glass-throwing went on too.
Oh - and they also sang some music and made some albums.
[edit] Mick Fleetwood:
Goodness gracious, how could I have forgotten Mick Freaking Fleetwood? Mick's the guy with the beard. His father was a F'g war hero; hence the 'F' in Fleetwood Mac. (Which he's apparently done an AWFUL lot of). He was "not quite Keith Moon, but he was getting there." An avowed Aesthete, he apparently owns nothing except for two sticks and a drum. And a hugely expensive sports car. And a mansion in L.A. And another one in Hawaii. Right next to Stevie's. (They never see each other socially though.) Oh, and Rhode Island. He's tall.
Update: Mick has recently submitted to a brain scan in order to contribute to the field of Neuroscience. Researchers are still puzzled over the resulting images:
[edit] =============================================================
[edit] John McVie:
John plays bass.
[edit] What happened then?
Let's see - everybody broke up with everybody, and everybody dated everybody. More yelling ensued. Stevie dated Dicky the Gnome. Some SUING ensued, too. Lindsey eventually got pissed off and left, and they replaced him with Rick Vito and That Guy Who Ended Up Doing Soft Porn Movies. Rick Vito ended up burying Buckingham in the glockenspiel work arena, but nobody ever actually admits to this - it's one of Fleetwood Mac's Dirty Little Secrets.
Stevie went on to a glorious solo career because, well, let's face it, she really IS a genius even though she never uses the black keys and doesn't know how to write musical notes and doesn't know what a g-cleft is. She drew on many influences from poetry and literature, like Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights and Edgar Allan Poe, which she kinda-sorta-almost got around to telling people about, sooner or later. She later was credited with inventing the word "AAAGGHHHhaaaaaagghghhhaaaaaaaaaaaaagghhhh" during her performance of the song "Beauty and the Mick". However, language experts have not yet deciphered the communication from the planet Omega-3 in the Beta Andronis star system which she once conveyed to an audience during her performance of the song "Sister of the Moon". However, it doesn't matter because everyone fainted immediately afterward when they saw her yet-to-be matched, stunning twirl away from the mike. Angels cried, and Heaven stopped in its tracks.
Side note: Stevie may or may not have dated:
Lindsey Buckingham; Mick Fleetwood; and, Uhm - EVERYBODY.
She also has fallen in love exactly twenty three thousand and twelve times in her life. However, nobody, nobody can EVER take the place of that guy she had a crush on that time whose name she can't remember. She WAS only ten after all, so cut'er a damn break huh!? Lindsey came close though, but no cigar. But at least he provided lots of angst - which, let's face it, helped make her career.
[edit] Reunion(s)
Lindsey Buckingham wanted to make a solo album. The Evil Record Executive wondered how to break it to Lindsey that nobody was really interested without getting beat up. He said to him, "How about a full-scale reunion on stage?" and then ducked behind his desk. Lindsey asked, "Will . . .will SHE be there?" and when told that She would, immediately agreed after a feeble lame protest which was obviously just for show. He then asked the Record Executive if he was going to finish that sandwich. A tour ensued, for which the colleges that Record Executives send their kids to are eternally grateful. More Shenanigans may or may not have ensued, and Stevie may or may not have been seen smoking backstage. A multi-billion dollar investigation has recently been launched by both NASA and the CIA in order to solve this vexing question.
In 2003, Lindsey grudgingly gave some but not all of his solo work to the band and then got pissed because Chris Lord Alge - no wait the other guy - no wait, I THINK it was Chris Lord Alge - oh hell do YOU know? Anyway more yelling ensued, but it was hard to make it out because of all the obvious continuity problems during their big "fight". Everybody hated everybody again, but they forgave each other faster this time 'cause they're more mature. Oh, and Stevie got some giggles out of a singing fish (which WAS pretty funny, after all). Stevie and Lindsey decided to let THEM fight it out (hitting the record for Highest Note of All Time in the process), and she and Lindsey utterly failed to go up in a ball of flames. They probably did go up high somehow or other, though. Meanwhile, Sulamith and Sara, Stevie's dogs, utterly failed to have their Big Fight talked about on the Internet Discussion Groups. They're still not talking to each other. The "Big Fight" which left both singers traumatized for life resulted in the incredibly successful album "Say You Will", which included some of Lindsey's solo work which he was just about to throw out in the trash anyway, and 9 songs that Stevie came up with while she was writing like a maniac in January of 2003 (any similarities between these songs and old demo tapes from the '70s which are floating around on the internet are purely coincidental.) The cornerstone of the album, however, is Stevie's brilliant hit song "Say You Will". The paper bag on which she scribbled this song is currently for sale on eBay for $53,000. The true key to the success of the album, however, was Lindsey's unrelenting, nonstop work in the studio with the album, post-production. Just ask him. Buckingham next performed with the country group "Little Big Town" and the blonde singer flirted with him a whole bunch.
After the reunion, the members of Fleetwood Mac determined that there was more to life than just music and constantly touring. A vote was taken (It was one for Lindsey, two for Stevie, of course) and they decided that it was time that they contribute to the world of science. After much strenuous effort, a vast amount of data was contributed to science which will keep researchers busy for several years. Many of the resulting lectures are attended by Fleetwood Mac themselves. Scarily enough, the graphs from the data tended to exactly track Fleetwood Mac's record sales...
[edit] Presidential Misconception
With the 2008 presidential elections it will now be impossible for Fleetwood Mac to reunite with McCain running for president. A common misconception was that John McCain was actually running for the reunion of the group, in which loyal Fleetwood Mac fans were chanting "Mac is back" with every McCain victory. When it was revealed that he was actually running for president, everyone freaked out realizing they made the wrong vote and chose Mike Huckabee when it was too late.
[edit] Conclusion
All of this points to one simple, undeniable fact: Fleetwood Mac has enjoyed unprecedented, nonstop success over the years. This success was muliplied many times over when Stevie and Lindsey - that's the GUITARIST, right? - joined the band. However, this has still not enabled Mick to raise enough money for his favorite charity, and plans are in the works for another tour late in 2007. uhmm, 2008. uhmmm, 200x...
Oh - and millions upon millions of people still love the "chick singer", because let's face it, she's Stevie Freaking Nicks.
Oh - also, they sang some music and recorded it and then performed it on stage.
[edit] Addendum
In March of 2008, Sheryl Crow announced that she may or may not join the band when they finally tour in two thousand and never. Mick Fleetwood said that this event will occur "over MY DEAD BODY!" Miss Nicks immediately accepted the proposal and HK Management is currently drawing up the paperwork. Satan has left his office at Warner Brothers and is currently heading for a "small" studio house in L.A. in order to get all members of the band to sign it. He is hoping that Stevie will only play seventeen thousand of her songs for him this time. She has, after all, been "writing like a maniac" since January. No, as a matter of fact, she is not ever going to live that line down.
John still plays bass. However, it turns out that he goes fishing, too.
Edit: January 11, 2009: HOLY SHIT, they're actually going to be touring! Alas, Sheryl Crow will not be able to join them. She's too busy working on her new song, "AH Who Needs Them Anyway!? BOO-HOO!"
Edit: July 14, 2009: HOLY SHIT, they actually toured! And nobody killed anybody. Also, Stevie and Lindsey have announced plans to not get married. Probably sometime soon. Meanwhile, Mick Fleetwood almost got squished when a pile of money fell over in one of his mansions, but he managed to step out of the way RIGHT on cue. Also, he apparently is about to declare bankruptcy. Which almost makes sense when 'ya really think about it.
[edit] Discography
Peter Blues Fleetwood Mac 1968
- My fart stank like something awful (Spencer)
- Fatal Merry go round accident (Green)
- Long Grey dildo (Green)
- Ginger kitten on my trail (Wilde)
- Shake your babymaker (Wilde)
- Looking for somebody to kill (Green)
- No place to go except off a cliff (Wilde)
- My baby gives good head (Spencer)
- I loved another man (Green)
- Hot blue day (Spencer)
- World keep on dying (Green)
- Got to stay put (Wilde)
Mr. Shitbag 1968
- Stop Screwin around (Wilde, Green)
- I've huffed my kitten (Spencer)
- Fallin off a cliff man (Wilde, Green)
- Ram my broom up your ass (Wilde)
- Farts that ignite (Wilde, Green)
- Doctor Mengele (Mengele, Himmler, Goebbels, Hitler)
- Need your butsecks tonite (Spencer)
- If you be my kitten (Wilde, Green)
- Midnight headbang (Spencer)
- Strip Poker Blues (Wilde, Green)
- Cumming Home (Wilde)
- Amnesia (Wilde, Green)
Then Play on then Stop then Play Again...OH FUCK THIS!!! 1969
- Cumming up you (Kirwan)
- Closing my trouser fly (Green)
- Bumming Madge (Fleetwood)
- When you gay up (Kirwan)
- Paris hilton Blues (Green)
- Staying here (Green)
- One Stormy night (Kirwan)
- Although there is Nuclear Winter (Kirwan)
- Shake your Snake (Green)
- Without a kitten to huff (Kirwan)
Oscar Wilde's House 1970
- This is the cock (Spencer)
- Brothel Man (Kirwan/Spencer/McVie)
- Blood on the Altar (Spencer)
- Hi Blo Silver (Wilde)
- Yellow eyed Palpatine (Kirwan/Fleetwood/McVie)
- Freddie's Song (Mercury)
- Adolf Hitler (Kirwan)
- 100 Separated (Spencer)
- Tell me all the porn you read (Kirwan)
- Missionary Position (Wilde)
Past Games 1971
- 1000 year old women are hot (Kirwan)
- November Rain (McVie)
- What a retardation (Kirwan, Welch, McVie, McVie, Fleetwood)
- Past Games (Welch)
- Nuclear fallout of time (Kirwan)
- Never (Kirwan)
- Gay it right up (Welch)
- Give me the evils (McVie)
Nuked Trees 1972
- Kitten of mine (Kirwan)
- The Nazgul (Welch)
- Hellbound (Mcvie)
- Black side of Hell (Kirwan)
- Nuked Trees (Kirwan)
- Unremorseful Killer (Welch)
- Kurt Cobain's Last words (Kirwan)
- Give me lots of Hate (McVie)
- Radioactive Fallout (Kirwan)
- Masturbating over a gay day (Wilde)
Penguin Fucker 1973
- Remember me with Hate (McVie)
- Nuclear Flash (Welch)
- Satisfied (McVie)
- Wile E Coyote is now road pizza (Wilde)
- The pervert (Walker)
- Revolution 666 (Welch)
- Did you ever hate me? (McVie/Welch)
- Shite Watch (Welch)
- Caught in the nuclear blast (Weston)
Pissterry to me 1973
- Glowing Red Eyes (Welch)
- Believe me or I will put an axe thru your head (McVie)
- Just Wild Sex (McVie)
- Possessed by the Devil (Welch)
- Eternal Damnation (Weston, McVie, Welch)
- Keep on Blowin (Welch)
- The nuked city (Welch)
- Kilometers Away (Welch)
- Nobody (Welch)
- The way I feel you up (McVie)
- For your Hate (Wilde)
- WHHHHHYYYYYY!!!???!! (McVie)
Villians are easy to find 1974
- Villians are easy to find (McVie)
- Burning my Home (Welch)
- Satan (Welch)
- World Trade Centre (Welch)
- Cum a little bit closer (McVie)
- Satan is possessing me (Welch)
- Arrogant winner (McVie)
- Rubber Testes (Welch)
- Prove your butsecks (McVie)
- Born Satan Worshipper (Welch)
- Texas Harbor (KABOOM!!)(Welch)
Fleetwood's Crack 1975
- Sunday Night (Buckingham)
- Warm Gays (McVie)
- Poo Letter (Buckingham)
- Beelzebub (Nicks)
- Under my Butt (McVie)
- Asbestos (Nicks)
- Say you wanna do me (McVie)
- Avalanche (Nicks)
- World Exploding (McVie)
- Toy Boy (Mcvie)
- I'm Fucken Scared!!! (Buckingham)
Tumors 1977
- Second Hand Poo (Buckingham)
- Nightmares (Nicks)
- I'm going back again to kill her (Buckingham)
- Just Stop (McVie)
- Blow your own gay (Buckingham)
- Schlongbird (McVie)
- The Chains, Whips and Handcuffs (Nicks, Buckingham, Mcvie,Fleetwood, McVie)
- You make Blowjobs fun (McVie)
- I don't wanna blow (Nicks)
- Oh Freddie (McVie)
- Kitten Huff woman (Nicks)
BONER!! 1979
- Over and Under (McVie)
- Fallin off the Ledge (Buckingham)
- Wank Over Me (McVie)
- Save me a gay (Buckingham)
- Sara drowning in a sea of sulphuric acid (Nicks)
- What makes you think you will live (Buckingham)
- Tornadic Supercells (Nicks)
- Fuck Everyone (Buckingham)
- Not Fucken Funny (Buckingham)
- Sisters of the Poon (Nicks)
- Demon (Nicks)
- That is not enough for me (Buckingham)
- Yellow Eyes (McVie)
- Never make me Cum (McVie)
- I know Best (Buckingham)
- Runny Eye (McVie)
- Beautiful Child (duet with Gary Glitter)(Nicks)
- Fall off the thin line (Buckingham)
- BONER!! (Buckingham)
- I have no memory of tonight (McVie)
Acid Trip 1982
- AIDS in Store
- Can't Go forwards
- That's all Shite
- Kamasutra
- Gypsy (Duet with Borat)
- Only Under You
- 9/11 World trade Center
- Straight Backwards
- Bone Me
- Oh Paris Hilton
- Balls of the World
- Wish I was queer
Chocolate Cha Cha in the Night 1987
- Big Dick
- Nuke the Seven Wonders
- Every Queer
- Brangelina
- Chocolate cha cha in the Night
- Fucked if I know
- Big Fucking Lies
- Incestuous Family Man (Squeal like a pig boy)
- Welcome to my poon, Paris
- Isn't it midnight in Zimbabwe?
- When I pee on you again
- Poo and Wees (Part 666)
Behind the undies 1990
- Earth's the limit
- Butsecks is Dangerous (Just ask Freddie Mercury)
- In the back passage
- Do you Blow
- Spay Me
- Affairs of the fart
- When the Bomb blows up
- Behind the Undies
- Sit on my Cock
- Hard Cocks
- Oppression
- When it comes to AIDS
- The Last time
Slime 1995
- Talkin to my Farts
- Compton
- Blow Job by Blow Job
- Farts of Change
- I DO NOT!!!
- Nothing with you
- Dreamin a nightmare
- Never
- I wonder why I die of AIDS
- Nights in New Orleans post Katrina
- I'm gonna bust a cap in yo ass
- All fucken over again
- These fucked up times
Say you Will or I'll bust a cap in yo ass 2003
- What the fuck is the world coming to?
- Oscar Wilde turning over in his grave
- Illume (WTF?)
- Throwing up
- Amy Winehouse
- Red Rover (Carbombing)
- Say you will or I'll bust a cap in yo ass
- Peniskeeper
- Cum
- Scowl at you
- Running through the Marijuana Patch
- Silver vibrator
- Suck your fart away
- Bleed all over her
- Everybody finds out about your underage girlfriend
- Destiny sucks ass
- Say Fuck Off
- Fuck off Baby
