Flowers

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Truly a sight to behold, the majesty of the flower at its metaphorical peak.

Hark! Observe the golden sun as it drifts below the horizon. Ahhhh, isn't sunset such a grand sight? So grand, in fact, it can only be described by means of exceptionally flowery language. How exceptionally grand, much like actual flowers themselves. Surely the only thing closest in beauty to a fading sunset is a flower juxtaposing the sunset, creating one of those nifty shadow-things you so often see in the movies about Africa.

What Is a Flower?[edit]

This is the flowers reproductive system...

Flowers are the Aphrodite incarnate in myriad ways. And Aphrodite was that most beautiful goddess of love. For one, the insurmountable amount of beauty they possess makes them irresistible to creatures of all shapes and sizes, much like the Greek goddess herself. As a perfect complement to its stupendous beauty, the flower acts as the venerable sex machine of an otherwise humdrum plant. Thirdly, flowers are notoriously loose, putting out to almost anything in the Animal kingdom that has the good grace to do as little as stroke it.

Gardeners[edit]

Those who make flowers are called gardeners. Gardeners nurture plants so they can produce beautiful flowers. To do this they stick their hands in dirty soil to help plants grow better. Gardeners get used to touching and feeling worms, insects, spiders, mud, compost, manure and other impure matter. They usually love the plants and the flowers the plants produce as well.


Practical use[edit]

Girls and flowers mix well together.

The flower, however, is not just a thing of total beauty, but has a variety of practical functions as well, many of which are associated with the senses we so cherish. Practical uses include, but are most definitely not confined to:

  • Sniffing, as to inhale all of a flower's glorious and voluptuous olfactory extracts.
  • Touching; caressing a flower's soft and fine texture can unleash upon the body an unparalleled ecstasy and cure over seven hundred different types of depression. Touching the flower can also damage or bruise it slightly, giving it a charm of imperfection unique to the just-so-slightly flawed being.
  • Picking, as to transform the stationary and rooted flower into one that is capable to travel with you in an SUV across the Rocky Mountains. But alas, the picked flower will die. The picked flower will never make seeds or bring forth new plants to make flowers anew.
  • Seeing, if you have eyes able to capture the limitless beauty of such an organic being.
  • Sexing, if you are a butterfly or bee.
  • Depressing, by taking of the flower's petals one by one and thinking about all the occasions to make love we missed in our lives.
  • As an energy source. In the 1960's Hippies used flower power to project their righteous message around the world. Unfortunately the exact contents of the message have now been lost over time, but its assumed to be very important.