Food
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Luckily, it's in the good way, not meaning "tasty". But don't get too settled, they'll still eat you. All the people who edit this article have a .01% less chance of being eaten by a grue. Please note this does not stack, and is non-transferable.
And remember, it's only .01%! 
| This article will be eaten by a crazy fat kid. Run away! |
|
“It's the kind of thing that you put in your mouth and chew, and eventually it gets to your stomach after you swallow.”
'Food' is a substance that you consume far too much of don't eat food it is bad for you!, and consequently should stop entirely. it goes out your ass All those friends who spend hours convincing your fat ass over the phone while you sob uncontrollably that you aren't actually fat and have a very serious problem are actually laughing their (attractive) asses off at you behind your back. Clearly you're in some sort of nihilistic denial over an obvious fact and are pretty likely to turn emo on us and go out to all the gay bars looking for some sort of comfort to fill that dreaded hole in your life. Actually, I guess you already found something to fill that hole in the form of about 40,000 calories worth of McDonald's a day, so why don't you just pop a little something in the microwave and read the rest of the article, fatty?
After its invention by the bald fat ugly and shittyJohna Gonzalez in 1899, Food was widely acclaimed to be one of the greatest inventions of the century. It has been described as sustenance among the unenlightened. It has some crude nutritional value, but it is far inferior in taste, texture, and appearance to rubber, which is the preferred diet of the enlightened.
It has, however, been known to include more sophisticated petroleum-based contents, most prevalently in the variety of food called "KFC" (Kentuckistan's Finest Crude) made by the manufacturers of Kentuckistan Jelly.
The holiest of all food is Pie, as revealed by the JoJo, prophet of the religion Pieism. He revealed that the whole universe is in fact one huge pie.
In honour of the usefulness of food a country in Eastern Europe was named after it. The nation of Food should not and will not be confused with regular food.
According to Helge's Law, there is a simple way to find out whether food is healthy or not: if it tastes good, it is unhealthy; if bad, it's healthy.
Food has generally been considered a quite conservative dresser, most foodstuffs preferring to go with the flow rather than make a big fuzz out of itself. Therefore it is highly likely that your average Joe and Jane food wears camouflage or jackets of invisibility. A great contrast to this is Chinese food which stands out as a freakish kind of food with so little self-esteem that it is usually found wearing highly exaggerated clothing to make up for its weak ego.
[edit] History Of Food
Many historians and scientists agree that the history of food started around 800000000 years ago, when single-celled life forms turned amino acids into proteins to grow and form acme. This has been seen as an altogether bad move, as if we didn't eat anything ever, there would be less killing in the world today. Nowadays, single-celled life forms aren't so picky, and they'll eat things other than amino acids. By the mid-1700s vegan hunting had replaced kitten huffing as a major source of protein for the peasantry. Soon, the French introduced "Aristocrats and Sauce" as a major lifestyle choice for the formerly starving set.
- There is no such thing as too much food. Naturally, the more you eat, the better. Vegetarians don't eat meat at all. (Unless there big fat liers(Anaya) Vegans don't eat meat or dairy products (LOSERS) isn't this horrible. I mean how can you survive without meat !!??
[edit] Controversy
Food is made of four poisons: carbohydrates, fats, proteins, and dihydrogen monoxide. The carbohydrate is a lethal poison that can produce hyperglycemia and send a person into a coma. When oxidized, carbohydrates and fats release the poisonous gas carbon dioxide and dihydrogen monoxide. Proteins contain the poison nitrogen. Dihydrogen monoxide has many deleterious effects.
Through once healthy and a main ingredient of the original Coca-Cola, recent studies have shown that food is highly addictive. Women who eat food during pregnancy run a risk of passing the addiction along to their children, as well as birth defects such as general smallness of the infant. Withdrawal from food is severe and can even result in death. Due to the dangerous nature of food, it is now commonly eaten by kings, the only men strong enough to withstand its effects. Who knew food is so good!
[edit] More Things You Put In Your Mouth, Chew On A Bit, And Swallow
- Pie
- Wang soup
- Cooked grenades
- The Leek Bun
- Mint Aero
- Brian Peppers
- Crumbs
- Custard blankets
- Pizza
- Carnegie Mellon
- Those Skittles you find on the ground
- Cum
- Feet
- Bacon fat
- Meat
- Fruit and Vegetables
- Kittens
- Cheese
- The little, see-through balls you find in new shoes
- Elmer's glue
- lollypops
- bob's wang
- cookies
- Rat Pellets(Great for indigestion)
- you ya bumsucker
- Nails
Not Humans !!!
[edit] See also
- Pieism
- Cooking
- Ingredients
- Sick
- Helge's Law
- UnBooks:To be a Fatty or Not to be a Fatty
- Losing Weight
- Burger Index
- Ratatouille
- Nouvelle cuisine
