Ford Taurus

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Ford Taurus's are the most suburban, conformist objects ever created. Over 300,000 people sold their soul to join the number of sad, cock-less men who dream of having sex with underaged girls who vomit at the site of a man over 30 in 1987 alone! They have also been known to create mental illnesses that rivals the pain of being killed by a ninja.

[edit] How To Tell A Ford Taurus Driver

-Has night terrors at stoplights

-Is married and hasnt had sex since the previous decade

-Started listening to the Blue Man Group to let neighbors become aware of insanity

-Slits wrists the wrong way

-Has no manhood (or uterus, if female)

-Cries themselves to sleep

-Identifies most with the movie "American Beauty"

-Doesnt see beauty in the world

-Actually wants to move to New Jersey

-Scared the New Jersey Devil away upon arrival

-Would rather take SEPTA

-Sympathizes with Hitler

-Has attempted to start their soap bar upon confusion of their car

-Has intentionally misplaced their car in a parking garage

-Makes auto valets hide

[edit] How To Defeat a Ford Taurus

-Have sex with another person

-Grow facial hair

-Pray for Winston Churchill

-Get a promotion

-Buy a pickup truck

-Sell your porn collection

-Go insane enough to ram your Taurus into a wall and fix the chemical imbalance in your brain

-Attempt suicide and at last minute realize why your life sucks (if you fail to realize this, the Taurus defeats YOU!)