Fort Dorchester High School

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Fort Dorchester High School.
Fort Dorchester High School
Motto Beat Summerville!
Established 1043
School type Military Boarding School
Principal Brig. General Lacoste II
Location Dorchester County, South Carolina, USA
Campus Enclosed within the walls of a fortress. The school is located 99% underground; an arsenal is also located within its walls.
Enrollment 30,970
Faculty 8,132
Mascot Patriots

Fort Dorchester High School is a military public high school located in Charleston, South Carolina. It is the only military school were nobody has to were any uniforms or do military activities unless they want to (nobody wants to). Also, only a select few are allowed into the school.


In 1043, an old Native American fort was converted into a high school after being bought by the City of Charleston. The rest is confidential.

The school got its nickname of “The Patriots” from british spy alumni in 1790.

Life at the Fort[edit]

The Fort Dorchester High’s newspaper is called Patriots weekly. It was turned into a weekly magazine which costs $21 a copy in January 1, 2005. This magazine is only to be viewed by students of Fort Dorchester, if any other students are found viewing the magazine the Fort Dorchester KGB will shot them on site.

Fort Dorchester’s students live in bunkers located down in the ground. Each bunker contains a bunk bed bolted to the wall and a closet. Student housing arrangements are set by the FDKGB (student council) and are as follows: one girl lives with one guy in a bunker.

The Fort Dorchester underground is a minitown that ranges from about 45,000ft-25000ft underground. This is were all the shops, clubs, bunkers, weapon factories, drug factories, drug farms and classes exist. It can withstand an asteroid impact.

Each Fort student can watch their own Fort Dorchester sports in 10800i and regular TV with Comcast’s 1080i.

The Fort Dorchester Mafia and the Fort Dorchester KGB (officially Student Council) are responsible for the school’s government and income. The FD Mafia produces and sells drugs, and sex while the Fort Dorchester KGB (student council) conducts fundraisers, controls school wide prices and sells weapons from the campus arsenal, to pay for school improvements.


Exit of the Fort Dorchester campus.

Summerville High athletic achievements have gotten the school many rivals, but, none as bitter as Fort Dorchester High of Dorchester County section of Charleston. It all started when Fort Dorchester traveled 12 miles to play Summerville for the first time in any sport (sport happened to be football) since it is construction in 1101. Summerville defeated Fort 1,104-0. Fort Dorchester’s reaction was to use the Gaybomb on Summerville High its name was Fuck You SUMMERVILLE! The explosion caused Summerville to become a pure wrestling school for about 50 years, plus it turned everyone gay. This allowed Fort to rule South Carolina High school sports for 50 years (not wrestling). In 1151 Summerville returned with vengeance to defeat Fort Dorchester in soccer with scores of 56-0 and 45-7 in baseball in the first two games to be played since Summerville turned straight again. The City of Charleston had to take action against another Gaybomb going off so the city passed a law saying that no one can turn anyone else gay.


As of 2004

  • 100% graduation rate.
  • 100.0% passing rate of the state's standardized exit exam.
  • Student’s per capita income is $301,783.
  • Poorest student makes $95,200 a year by being a stripper.
  • Richest student makes US$18,900,000 by being the Fort Dorchester Mafia kingpin.
  • 100% beautiful people.
  • Every student is an athlete.


Demographic Percent
Asian 17.3%
Black 15.3%
Native American 17.3%
White/Other 50%


Summerville athletic director is Coach Steve Laprad.

The FDHS Patriots are a very talented group of sports teams namely Soccer, Football, Baseball, Tennis, Lacrosse and Track. However, compared to their rival Summerville High they do not appear to be talented at all. If FDHS never had to play Summerville High School they might have a chance to win state in any sport they are good at. All combined FDHS athletics has 654 state titles and most teams have never been undefeated (they always have to play Summerville).

The fact that the FDHS is good at sports is unsurpring due to the fact that the requirements for joining teams are rather high:

from the soccer manual...

  1. You must be willing to kill for your school.
  2. You must be willing to attend all practices
  3. You must be willing to spend a significant amount of time out of class training
  4. You must be able to run the 40 yard dash in 4.4 seconds (girls too). Persons who are unable to meet this requirement will be sent to the Hell Floor.
  5. You must maintain at least a 66.67% average in academic studies...'

Clearly, the grade requirements are unachievable by many students. Nearby schools like SHS (Charleston), Wando (Mount Pleasant), and Stratford (Goose Creek) have similar requirements.


Fort Dorchester's varsity football team is coached by Coach Steve Laprad. After taking over for Captain Bagwell (by using Fort Dorchester KGB to make Bagwell’s death look like a car accident) Laprad has a record of 120-21 in 10 years out of 21 losses 11 of them are in the playoffs and one of them belong to Dorman High School (all the rest are losses to Summerville).

The team has won 51 state championships, and in 2006, could not remain undefeated because they lost to Summerville High twice, the first loss was in the regular season 3-21 the second was in the playoffs 0-56.


The soccer teams, under head Coach Ito Kalashnikov (boy’s Coach), have won 0 state championships (55 in all). The ultra sexy girls’ soccer team has also hasn't won a state title in 800 years. The girls are coached by Coach Miss Lockheed.


Another Fort Dorchester view.
  • Fort Dorchester is the only high school in America with an Army.
  • Even though everyone is sexy, that doesn’t change the fact that the school is still a military school.

Also See[edit]