Forum:MorningWoodstock 2009

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Welcome, cock-hungry hippies and horndogs, to the first ever MorningWoodstock! Get ready to be pounded by some huge, throbbing beats and some rocking riffs, all dedicated to our good friend, the penis.

Ah, the penis. So unique, such a defining part of a man's form, truly the mark of a man/post-op. Every time I get out of the shower and see that incredible 3 inches of power staring straight at the floor, I feel the urge to start singing. I usually don't fight the urge, either. It was not until just recently, however, that I shared these feelings with a friend of mine. Together, the two of us conceived. And what burst out of our surrogate became known as MorningWoodstock, Uncyclopedia's first (and hopefully only) music contest devoted to our favorite topic of conversation with strange women at the bank!

Who can enter?
All lovers of cock are free to take the stage. We cannot, however, guarantee that anyone who decides to humiliate themselves in this way will not be pelted with assorted crap/shit/baked goods/feces.

What are the guidelines?
Here are the rules of engagement:

1. All works submitted must be your own.
This means everything about your submission must be original, from the lyrics, to the track, to the recording.
2. Songs are like dicks
They need to be LONG to make us like you.
90 second minimum for all submissions, no matter what. No goddamn joke entries of you just saying "i luv cok" into the mic. Also, even though there is no maximum limit (make your songs as long as you want) please be considerate of us. We're going to want you to really penetrate us, but don't go in too deep with a really long one.
3. Dogs are like dicks
They are male reproductive organs that become erect when excited or stimulated.
Know that shit.
4. Know your dick.
Here's a curve ball: You MUST reference "penis" in some way at least five times. Also, you must use at least three different words for "penis" throughout. We'll be counting.
5. Be offensive.
Your song should make the average Yahoo! Answers user abandon the internet forever upon playing. If you can offend and Uncyclopedian, then you have probably won.
6. LOL
7. Obey Rule 6.
I mean it.

Why should I enter?
Winners of the First Ever MorningWoodstock face a long, hard ban, after which they may enjoy this lovely* trophy and the title of Uncyclopedia's Resident Audiophallic.

*Trophy may or may not actually be lovely.

How do I enter?
If this is your first time entering a contest this tight, don't worry. Just close your eyes and go for it. Write your song in your userspace. Record and upload it to that location. Sign up below by adding a link to your entry, followed by your sig. Smooth as balls.

Who's judging?
Uncyclopedia's experts on cock music, SysRq, Starnestommy, and maybe RAHB (once I ask him to do it) will be judging all submissions.

How long do I have?
Just ballparking it from all the way over here, I'd say 6 inches or so. I better get my ruler. Oh, but we better do this quickly, because this contest will be closed on January 10th. The winners will be announced on January 17th, one week after the deadline.

Go forth and ROCK...out. With your cock out, of course. Cheers! sir @ 04:01 Dec 28

Entries go here

  • I would so enter this, if only I didn't lack a microphone, appropriate recording software and any kind of musical ability. This does, however, spare you the "experience" of me caterwauling my way through "Every Cock Has Its Balls" to the tune of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Be thankful. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 13:24, Jan 1
Oo Aa Iiee.jpg
Playing with myself.jpg

Discussion goes here

You forgot the following rules:

7. ???

8. Profit!

- Rougethebat.gifAdmiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate SonicLivesPicture.png 04:17, 28 December 2008 (UTC)

We already have a Rule 7, and that is to obey Rule 6. You would be advised to obey both of those rules. sir @ 04:32 Dec 28

I hereby declare this the worst idea ever. As such, I give it my full support and acceptance. -RAHB 03:18, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

-1. You don't talk about MorningWoodstock.
0. You don't talk about MorningWoodstock!

  Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen.jpgI Card-clubs-up.gif my cat! 22:26, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

We don't have a EveningWoodstock?—Flutter (TalkGamesFun PagesAwardsHelp) 01:10, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

No, we don't. We do, however, have a Tea-TimeWoodstock. Necropaxx (T) {~} 01:53, Jan 7
Orian57 recently explained the concept of teatime. I still don't get it. Sir SysRq (talk) 22:00, 7 January 2009 (UTC)
I once told some American customers in a cafe that we were only serving pizza until tea time, and I got the two blankest looks I have ever received. Tea time is the time when you have tea, or if you are not having tea it is the time when The Queen would have tea (5 p.m.), and if she isn't having tea either then you should probably lock up your daughters because the godless hordes have won. IronLung 06:09, 8 January 2009 (UTC)
Wait, wait. Do you mean The Queen or The Queen or The Queen?   Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen.jpgI Card-clubs-up.gif my cat! 06:53, 8 January 2009 (UTC)
The Queen. Sir SysRq (talk) 03:59, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
. . . of course. Silly me.   Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen.jpgI Card-clubs-up.gif my cat! 04:21, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

Machine goes "ping!"

So, uh, are we a) waiting for more entries, b) calling me the winner, or c) trying to wipe this whole, sordid affair from our collective conciousness? If c, and I just thoughtlessly drew unwanted attention to it. . . Oops. My bad.   Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen.jpgI Card-clubs-up.gif my cat! 08:36, 21 January 2009 (UTC)