Forum:Nothing's happening

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Lately, I've noticed that NOTHING IS HAPPENING around here. Case in point: Right now VFH has a mere nine articles, two of which with a score of -2. I have two theories for this: 1) Uncyclopedia has finally fallen to below twenty active users, or 2) Everyone is holding back for the PLS. Discuss. 22:26, Sep 28

Start nominating. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:29, Sep 29
Done. Hee hee! 03:07, Sep 29

It's all the product of a vast right-wing conspiracy.

I saw it on MSNBC. Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 22:32, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

I'm happening

You must be blind. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 22:33, September 28, 2009 (UTC)

I am also happening. I'm hip, too. Dangerously hip. 00:10, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
What is hip? Tell me tell me, if you think you know. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:29, Sep 29
i printed t-shirts and hats to that effect, but there was a misprint and they all say 'modusoperandi is hep.' 02:46, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
Nothing is cool. -- 02:45, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
Especially not me. 'Cause I'm hot. 03:03, Sep 29

Reasons

1) A bunch of people just went back to school (including myself), and are still settling in and therefore don't have the time to do much; 2) PLS is soon, so users are likely saving up their writing talent for that; 3) Late September/October is generally a slow time of year for most people/business things anyway--kind of like the prolonged silence before the hectic storm that is the holiday season. Oh, also, today is (well, was) Yom Kippur. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:38, September 29, 2009 (UTC)

I'm touched that you noticed Guildy O_O 06:54, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
Well, being a Nazi, I've got to keep up on these things. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 11:55, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
Understandable, keeping tabs and such. I mean, Mushi's guys managed to catch us with our pants down, you guys might as well try to finish the job O_O 13:50, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
And isn't Mushis Guys, The Festival of Downed Pants, another Jewish holiday? 14:14, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
Chag Mushis Guys sameach! Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 09:12, October 2, 2009 (UTC)
M00shie's guys... What the fuck? FreddThe Redd http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/7/70/Flag_of_Egypt.png/22px-Flag_of_Egypt.png http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/5/5b/Foxicon.png/18px-Foxicon.png 12:17 October 2 '09
I'd agree with most of that - since I've been here, I'm sure I remember forum posts about how things have all slowed down around this time every year. Things have then picked up again, and in the meantime, the world has continued to turn. I confidently predict similar happenings this year. --UU - natter 15:02, Sep 29
I predict likewise. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:17, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
I can start getting people from school to join if you want. I sort of forgot about Uncy over the summer but I'm back. The preceding unsigned comment was added by Halsoft (talk • contribs)
Much respect to UU and Guildy, especially given I haven't been here as long, but I've just been looking at this ugly thing that suggests that in previous years we have had a drop off at this time of the year - and since 2007 is hasn't really come back if we go by the number of new articles per day. I would rather that we made an attempt to do something that will potentially swing the interest back here rather than just say "It'll all be okay" and ignore it. And since November 2005 we have never had as few active editors on site. <span class="GenOberst"> PoopyOnTheRadio </span>t 05:15, 13/10/2009
I've been here even less time than Puppy, but I wonder--was there a higher percentage of productive editors a few years ago, or more randomness? I've looked over some of the featured articles of the early days of this site. Some of them looked quite good, and some I think would fail to be featured by current standards. Do the oldtimers think the general quality has gone up, down, or stayed the same?  Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  06:09, October 13, 2009 (UTC)

go vote on stuff

voting is the most important part of this site. go vote for VFH and VFP and VFS, and VF whatever -- 04:43, Sep 29

Score: 2${\displaystyle /i}$
1. yeah for voting -- 04:43, Sep 29
2. For. per above. --Docile hippopotamus 07:44, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
You must have meant that writing is the most important part yes? 06:54, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
Wri...ting? Whuzzat? 07:35, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
What some people do when they aren't bantering on the forums/userspace or finding stuff to delete. --Mn-z 18:45, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
What's a forum? 20:30, Sep 29
A forum is when a boy and a girl like each other veeeery mu-oh shit, sorry. Wrong lesson.-
No, continue! I was quite enjoying it... Pleb CUN KUN Dexter111344 Complain here Vote now! 20:43, September 30, 2009 (UTC)
...The boy and girl like each other and then a wizard does it. Then a baby forms inside the girl and gets a surprise abortion with a punch to the stomach. The End.-
Can I have an illustration of a baby forming inside the girl? --Mn-z 04:58, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
NO. You can't afford them anyway. 05:46, Oct 1
3. bonobo. 04:18, October 1, 2009 (UTC)
4. Yettie. 19:19, 1 October 2009
5. Zombiebaron. 20:26, Oct 1

Retire Uncyclopedia

The only good active editors are Modus, TLB, RDB, Necropaxx, Gerrycheevers and me, and I'm not actually active, though I am actively whining about everything and never gonna stop (never!). Anyway, we had a good run, but trying to create the illusion that Uncyclopedia can prevail against the odds with such a small and horrible userbase is not only detrimental but plainly delusional. Therefore, I propose that we shut down editing forever and preserve what has already been made in metaphorical amber, rather than let the community continue to dwindle and let the site slip in quality.

Circle of life, eh? -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 09:08, October 2, 2009 (UTC)

Ahem, why is Under User not on your list...? Monday, 21:48, Oct 5
That? Oh, it's because me and TKF are mortal enemies, locked in a futile circle of combat until the end of time. It's a family thing - it all started when my great-grandfather trod on the toecap of his great-great uncle's favourite boot when they were both 37, scuffing it slightly. Great-grandpop swears it was an accident, but the Froggy clan have been at war with my family ever since. The senseless slaughter may never end. --UU - natter 09:36, Oct 7
Luckily for all involved, you both fight like little girls. 09:46, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
Dude, I will so scratch your eyes out for saying that. --UU - natter 09:58, Oct 7
With those pink fingernails? 10:03, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
It'll make a pleasing contrast with your green eyeshadow. --UU - natter 10:05, Oct 7
I'm a pretty girl. 10:32, October 7, 2009 (UTC)

Vote: Give it the ol' 1-2

Score: -2 Guinness world record for "Largest Online Encyclopedia Voluntarily Shut Down" obtained

Something has just happened!

What an unbelievable turn of events! mAttlobster. (hello) 11:30, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Hey! Lookit!

Someone over there's doing something! ...Oh wait, my mistake. Carry on. --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 14:45, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Re-feature euroipods

That should do it.--Rataube 23:52, October 3, 2009 (UTC)

Hell yes. Pleb CUN KUN Dexter111344 Complain here Vote now! 23:53, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
It might. User:Zheliel/sigz1135 10:59 October 4

Vote: Retire TFK

Score: 6
• Awwww Is someone grumpy? Is it past someone's bedtime? -- 05:07, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
• Ban Thefuckingkunt for his disruptive editing. All Uncylopedia admins need to ban Thefroggykiller this instant. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 05:43, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
• Against Disruptive editing is the backbone of the internet. mAttlobster. (hello) 10:56, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
• INVALID NOM User:Thefroggykiller is not registered. --Mn-z 18:24, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
• yeah fuck that guy -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 21:18, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
• Who is TFK?? --ChiefjusticeDS 21:19, October 4, 2009 (UTC)
• TheFillerKroggy 01:37, Oct 5
• for. he voted against one of my articles one time. 04:12, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
• For. He voted against HowTo:Achieve World Domination in a Recession in VFH. also he's in UGotM.-
• Well, you can't really blame him for voting against... I kid, I kid. Monday, 21:47, Oct 5
• Against. He's no asshat, he's my friend. I love him. -Who?
• I don't blame you for wishing to hide your name. kill all tfk sympathizers. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 05:58, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
• For. He "hates me" Faggot Anonymous 23:04 October 7 '09

Its time to do something

And by something, I mean go out and try to find lost users... Again... Maybe... Or just wait till something happens. Your choice, but I say find people. Or give me pie. I like pie. Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 04:15, October 6, 2009 (UTC)

Let's find lost users and then vandalize their pages. Actually, lets all just vandalize TFK's user page. (see above for those too lazy to read the entire forum topic) -- 04:22, Oct 6
Are we talking about the Missing User Project? Tuesday, 04:27, Oct 6
I think we're talking about manual [email protected]. 09:01 October 7
We could try to get brand new users, too. I was trying to get my ex-girlfriend to write an article the other day. She told me to go fuck myself, but it was a good try. 22:19, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
Bringing an ex-girlfriend to the internet? That's brave, pathetic, ironic, and exciting all at the same time.-
Wow. Now I really want to see a HowTo:Get Your Ex-girlfriend to Write for Uncyclopedia. -- 22:28, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
Then write it for PLS.-
NO U. -- 22:56, October 7, 2009 (UTC)
What just happened?-- 00:27, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
The same thing that always happens here; nothing of great consequence. 04:03, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

Let's welcome new people

One thing that might help is welcoming new editors. I signed up just yesterday to the Welcoming Committee, and I've already welcomed 42 people who hadn't been welcomed. I found people who had created a user page and started edited a few days ago but still hadn't been welcomed here. And there are many, many more that still haven't been welcomed, and they're increasing fast. From 21:02, September 28, 2009 to this posting, 500 people have signed up. Please hop on the Welcome Wagon and help out.  Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  04:41, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

Not to debunk a trend that I started (welcoming any new users willy nilly from the new users log), but we really ought to only welcome the new users who have already made contributions to the site, not just welcoming willy nilly any doofus who manages to type out a name, password, and email without bothering to give his 2 cents on any article or anything. -- TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 07:25, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
Yeah, but that takes too much work. Arbitrary welcoming is much easier. Thursday, 16:35, Oct 8
I might agree with the much-more-experienced-here TKF, but I think the Welcome message may encourage some people to make edits, and also gives them a guideline for when they do make edits. I'm sorry I don't remember the user, but I saw someone who was chastised for not following Uncyclopedia guidelines who hadn't even been welcomed to Uncyclopedia. And I also, ahem, know of a certain user who signed on here intending to only make an edit or two until that, ahem, certain user was welcomed and encouraged by others and for some reason I honestly still don't know was nominated for NotM. That user thought, "Damn, I guess I'd better actually do something here," and won NotM and is currently nominated for RotM. Let's let people know what they should be doing before we tell them they're doing it wrong.  Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  16:52, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
I think that we might as well welcome everyone, so hopefully some of them will read the message when they do make contributions. If we don't welcome the people who haven't done anything, then whether or not they get the message before they do make contributions depends on when a person checks the list. We need to let everyone know the procedures and where they can find help, just in case some of them decide to stay. Granted virtually nobody reads the message, but at least we are letting them know the rules rather than, for example, banning someone who broke a rule on vanity, because they didn't know it existed, because they hadn't made any contributions the last time someone checked the user creation log. Yeah, OK, I'm done. --ChiefjusticeDS 17:00, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
Yeah, what they said. Also, when you register you're thrown BGBU and HTBFANJS links in your face, but most people just skip those. At the very least, a welcome message offers n00bs some helpful links in a more permanent way. 17:02, 8 October 2009
Why bother with all that? New users suck. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:04, 8 Oct
Yes, but they've still got the factory warranty and that "new user" smell. 18:12, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
I know I have be talking about the same things for some time now, but let me repeat myself just for this one more time - no one wants to contribute anything substantial here unless you give them something solid first off. People don't owe this website anything, and you are simply not entitled to their time and effort whatsoever. If we want to draw genuinely helpful people to this community, we need to seriously consider what kind of demographics we are aiming at here and what kind of focus we can afford to have. I know these things are pretty much as interesting as grinding your forehead with an electric sander, but they are also the groundwork that has to be laid if we want this place to amount to any meaning. Yes, this place does necessitate some rules and policies, but we shouldn't rely on them to filter out unwanted elements. If we want to get meaningful contributions, we need to seek ways to draw helpful users, and that requires a completely different thought process. Look no further than the search function - when you put in something there, say, a TV show, a random buzzword or just something mundane, do you often get an article that is worthwhile reading? I am not pointing my finger at anyone but I doubt when people come here they honestly want to type "Johnny's adventure and misadventure to whatchamacallit" into that thing. Front page? I don't know - it has all become irrelevant to me since few years ago. If you give your readers gems, they will pay you back with treasures, but if you give them trash, they will bury you with garbage. Again, this is all about groundwork - the least glamorous of things you can exert your effort to. So, here is my idea - pick a subject that you are familiar with, read the corresponding articles and improve them. You won't necessarily get a lot of good votes from a pack of 12-year-olds on VFH, but at least you have done this wiki a favour by drawing more resourceful individuals to the community. -- The Colonel (talk) 15:59, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
im 12 and what is this? - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:31, Oct 12
It's some old fart who's been here since the dinosaur days of 2005. Seriously, Col.swordman, I largely agree with you, and don't think welcoming new people is going to magically win Uncyclopedia a Pulitizer Prize. But I think it can help. And in my opinion most of the stuff on this site is more smelly than a pool of pigeon poop. (Personally, I wish newcomers would read two or three featured articles before they edit). So I've been sending notices to friends of mine who are very clever saying, "Hey, check this out. This site could use you."  Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  17:09, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
So you're saying we should use an encyclopedic tone about familiar things to draw new users? Monday, 17:08, Oct 12
Or else you may use toasters, top hats, hippies, grim reapers, and elevators - of that order - if that floats your boat, although I am pretty sure whatever you come up with as a result is not gonna something I'll spend a minute fraction of my lifetime to read. -- The Colonel (talk) 17:53, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
Can you try to be more insulting? I find that you can draw more flies with telling them that what they write (or will write) is crap, than with vinegar. While you're at it, go to the neonatal ward and tell a new mom that she has an ugly baby.
He's just mad because he's losing market share to Popeye's. -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:03, 12 Oct
I once told a mother she had an ugly baby. That explains why the sultan allows me to keep an eye on his harem girls.  Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  18:41, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
Lol. Also, colonel, lighten up. Uncyclopedia is humor (or humour, if you swing that way). Monday, 20:26, Oct 12
HEY GAIZ, let's feature Euroipods again!! I'M SO SMRT! LOLOL!-
Hush, you. Monday, 23:51, Oct 12

Let's welcome nude people

One thing that might help is welcoming nude editors. I signed up just yesterday to the Naked Committee, and I've already welcomed 42 people who hadn't been clothed. Or maybe it was me who wasn't clothed. And welcome is that thing you do with a trench coat, right? -- 18:19, October 8, 2009 (UTC)

"Nuditors", to use the lingo. 18:33, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
Rather nude than rude. Also Nuditor Miley has a special template you can use for noob nude nuditors.  Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  19:22, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
YEAH! MORE STUFF HAPPENING!!-- 21:07, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
I hate to break it to you, but this stuff ain't happening. Or happenin', for that matter. It's neither working nor hip. Saturday, 21:22, Oct 10
I don't want to welcome nude guys I'm just excited that more stuff is happening-- 01:02, October 12, 2009 (UTC)
But it's not. Monday, 03:37, Oct 12

I wonder why contributing editors don't actually feel that welcome here? <span class="GenOberst"> PoopyOnTheRadio </span>t 04:42, 13/10/2009

Well, given how notoriously nice he typically is.... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:59, October 13, 2009 (UTC)
Huh. One of life's little mysteries, I guess. Tuesday, 16:36, Oct 13