Forum:The King of Fail

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I counted my articles that have failed VFH and it comes to 14. It think this might be more than anyone on the site. What's my point? I want to be #1 at something. I want to be a role model. When a young boy experiences his first EPIC FAIL, I want his father to look down and say to him "Son, did you know that Michael Jordan was cut from his high school freshman basketball team? And did you know that So So has 14 VFH failures?" and then I want the boy to say "Daddy, what's VFH?" and then I want the father to say "I'll tell you when you're older son." So anyway, 1. Your number of VFH failures, and 2. Your message to the children. Go. --So So 14:22, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

1. I would rather not talk about. 2. To my imaginary children I would say that when you think outside the box, defeat is only another kind of victory - and never be yourself at job interviews--Sycamore (Talk) 14:43, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
1. Zero. 2. Just because you're not in school anymore, it does not make you cool. Now get off my lawn. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 15:22, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
Can I at least crash at your place?--Sycamore (Talk) 15:33, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
I charge an entry fee. How much you got? Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 15:46, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
I believe I've had 8 failed noms on VFH (and a number on VFP also), although some of these were later renommed and made the grade. My message to the children is simply this. So many asses. So little time. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)
Ooh, if we count ones that made it later then that gives me another one, praise to Thinker. And if we count multiple fails for one article then that puts me around 20 I think. Damn, I'd probably be perma-banned if not for the saving grace of 10+ features. (as I autofellatio and/or fantasize of autofellatio...) --So So 16:28, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
1. 2 (Two). 2. "Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me. I wanna be dirty." -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN15:59, 18 Jul
1 vfh fail,2 try again. LOLsupreme 16:48, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, I have 8 or so failed VFH noms. In So So's case, most of his weren't self-noms, so it's a testament to his articles all being liked by someone. In my case, a lot of them were self-noms, and it's more of a testament to my ego and inability to judge my own work. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:33, Jul 18
But, Leddy, what about the children? --So So 17:40, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
1. 7, +1 (that failed, then passed), +1 (that failed badly enough to eventually lose its Quasi status) = 9. One of the failures has failed no less than three times.
2. "You kids get off my lawn! Git!" Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:25, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
Only 3. I thought it would be more. - UnIdiot | GUN.png | Talk | Contribs - 19:57, Jul 18
1. I think 12.
2. Write lots of stuff, and, 21 times out of 33 (64%), you'll get something right. I think.   Le Cejak <16:11, 19 Jul 2008>
1. 4-ish 2. Don't tell your mother, just rub some talc on it. -- absorbent Ape (subtract) (Riot Porn) 20:28, 19 July 2008 (UTC)

1: Don't know, really, probably because I was scratching my gentiles instead of paying attention to VFH. (My Jews, for some reason, never itch.) 2: That's not your real Daddy. Your real Daddy is in the Mong Hospital. If you get Uncle Jack your parents' VISA card then Uncle Jack will take you to see your real Daddy. ----OEJ 03:45, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

1: One got quasi'd, that's it. Also, it was my personal favouritiest one, which probably says something about not writing for yourself, or some other convenient moral. 2: Stay in school, brush your teeth, eat your greens (maybe not in that order), always do what you're told. Being an automaton is fun! --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 08:46, Jul 21

1:6 fails. One of them failed twice. Two of them ended up on the front page anyway via reskins (yeah, it really IS worth all the whining and criticism, kids!). 2:I think I just stole all my own thunder for this one, so I think I'll just say, "GO NINERS!"--<<>> 17:09, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

my space potato-related article is well on its way to a third quasi, meaning it has failed VFH three times. can anyone top that? --SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:36, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Don't worry, you can never be the king of fail, because I've held that title for a long time now.

There's a little unfunny article on Uncyclopedia today It's the same old thing as yesterday There's a black cat caught in a window of a car There's a flag burning in protest of some war

I have argued before with people who are clearly insane With the world turning writing me letters that are profane I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this hate mail But it's my destiny to be the king of fail --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 20:26, 22 July 2008 (UTC)

Another interesting question

I have 29 articles up on Uncyclopedia (not including UnNews, just because I don't include UnNews for some stupid reason). 8 of them have been featured. 6 have failed featuring. That gives me 27% of my articles at feature level and 21% failed features (which means they were good enough to get there, at least... or maybe this is a measure of my bloated ego? Anyway...) What are your stats?--<<>> 17:13, 21 July 2008 (UTC)

You have it all mapped out in Excel, too, don't you? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 17:15, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
...No. /me quickly moves to erase hard drive. brb--<<>> 17:27, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
Dude, you couldn't just use {{%}}? NERD!   Le Cejak <18:06, 21 Jul 2008>
I actually used a quackulator, which is an old-timey version of {{%}}.--<<>> 18:38, 21 July 2008 (UTC)
Lemme see... I've written/rewritten, like, 75 articles, and got 21 of them featured, so that's 28%, and I guess 12 of them failed, so that's 16%. See? No excel spreadsheet needed. ...nerds.   Le Cejak <19:08, 21 Jul 2008>
Having started this post I guess I'm obligated to answer. Feature % = 25% (including all namespaces, excluding collaborations and deleteds, because of because); VFH fail % = 26%. As a side note, I'd bet that I have more deleted, ICU'd or VFD'd articles then all WotM's combined. I guess in baseball terms I'd be a home run hitter with a low batting average and faked urine tests. --So So 01:24, 22 July 2008 (UTC)
If we're talking % Featured, OEJ has us all beat--he must have written a hundred articles, only a handful of which have been featured, since he's the only person on this site that isn't a whore. Damn you whores! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 15:28, Jul 28
This isn't about you and your whoring, man. This is about us and sharing our pain. Tell us about your two dads, TLB. Tear open that little ball of sadness inside you and fill it with the rainbow of love, man. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 17:32, 28 July 2008 (UTC)
Funny, that's actually what my dads were doing when they met each other. Believe me, it wasn't nearly as pretty as how you wrote it... - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:37, Jul 28
I always try to write real world, heart breaking, fictional events "pretty". I'm hoping to get on Oprah's book club. Chah-ching! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 19:20, 28 July 2008 (UTC)