Francis Ford Coppola

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Francis Ford Coppola[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Francis Ford Coppola.

Francis Ford Coppola (born April 7, 1939) is a ninety five time Academy Award winning American director, film producer, screenwriter and the fourth largest body from the sun. He is most renowned for directing the highly regarded Godfather & Son trilogy and the Vietnam War musical Apocalypse, Take A Look At Me Now!!! which was chosen by Pauline Kael as the greatest Swedish film ever made featuring a small town White Boy tryin' to make ends meet, a talking sled, a Hooker with a heart of gold and a mystical negro. This title held until the release of 2001's Oh Snap! which was written and directed by the controversial Dogme '95 founder Cuba Gooding Jr.

The Early Years[edit]

Francis Ford Coppola was born to Carmine Coppola, at the time first flautist for garage rock legends the The Sonics & Hedgehog, and his wife Italia in Detroit, Michigan on April 7, 1939, the second of thirty three & 1/3 children. Two years later the family moved to suburban Long Island, where Francis spent the remainder of his childhood with Polio.

Young Francis enjoying the attention of his classmates.

A rare disease that gave him the facial features of a 35 year old man and left him confined to a iron lung for large periods of his childhood. Francis was not content with the blessings of Polio. He needed to indulge his imagination with homemade puppet theater productions. These shows became a hit around the neighborhood and young Francis became quite the apple of many a young lady's eye. While at the age of ten and still in the Iron Lung, Francis began using his father's 8mm movie camera to make numerous short films, including some soft-core porn films.

It was with these early successes that Frances' ego grew so large that it joined forces with his polio to create a dreaded and even more powerful disease, Egolio. One the many side effects of Egolio is the rapid and uncontrollable swelling of one's body and head. In fact, if wasn't for Francis' iron lung, doctors theorize that his mass would have become large enough to affect tide flows, Korean menstrual cycles and cause a axis reversal of Jesse Jackson's Hymie Town. It was doctors orders that Francis remain in his iron lung indefinitely. The family had a sit down and came to the collective opinion of "A-Fucka-Disa-Shita". Francis and his iron lung were so large and heavy that no one wanted to "dig the fucking hole". Taking the advice of family Consiglieri, Paul Lynde, the family sent Francis off to California to pursue his cinematic education.

California: And Beyond The Infinite[edit]

While in UCLA's Film Department Francis met Jim Morrison, who's attempts at Emily Dickenson afterwords was used later in one of Francis' most famous movies, Jack.