Franco-Prussian War
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A conflict involving really gay men with fruity waxed moustaches.
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[edit] Origins of the Conflict
France had gone quite some time without the typical bitch-slapping from England or Germany. France had in fact been left alone since 1815. This led to the typical French overconfidence, manifested primarily by Emperor Napoleon III, who had recruited archfiend Oprah to lead his Army in any upcoming conquest. He was particularly interested in conquering New Swabia from the Germans. Germany then sent a letter to Napoleon III accusing him of being a camping fag. Not one to take such accusations lying down, Napoleon III immediately attempted to deploy Limozeen across the border to assassinate the German Emperor Dschinghis Khan. Space-Gary was intercepted by Domo-Kun in East Anglia, and the Germans prepared for all-out war.
[edit] The Opposing Armies
France's Army, led by Oprah, was perhaps one of the most homoerotic in modern history. They were armed with stylish red pants and a series of very cutting after-dinner remarks to direct at the marauding Hun. Also included at the Batallion level were infantillery guns called the "mitreilleuse", which were designed to de-rail the opponent's love train. Germany's army was comprised exclusively of partially cybernetic supermen who were fueled by human blood. They were armed primarily with chainsaws and baby dolls packed with explosives. Batallion-level weapons included fat German toursits and beer.
[edit] Battles of the Campaign
There was only one important battle of the campaign, the Battle of Sedan. On his way to invade Germany, Napoleon III's love-train derailed near the fortress-village of Sedan. While attempting to repair it, the armies of the bloodthirsty hun encircled the delicate Frenchman. After an extensive siege, Erwin Rommel, tired of hearing about the conflict, decided to launch an atomic bomb. After, both parties declared their loyalty to Berlinlandstan, whose leader was described by contemporaries as "a rocker and a roller and a rocking man". The French and Germans tended to get along, aside from a few unpleasant incidents.
In the end, Chuck Norris killed all the French for being gay.
[edit] The Rape of Paris
This conflict allowed the Krauts under Otto Von Bismarck, yet another chance to sack Paris and rape the Paris Hilton of all its creamy cheeses and very nice wines. Which the Krauts proceeded to use for lubrication for the final drive to the Effiel Tower, which they had built on a previous trip.
As was native to the French, one this building had been defiled by the Germans, they surrendered. This ass kicking by our deutchland friends also introduced a novel concept to the french called "La non homoeroti'" which roughly translates to "Having sex with women".
[edit] Aftermath
Seeing as how this war demonstrated French military ineptness and German military mastery, it was really rather pointless as the two points in question are well known by everyone who has not been living in a cave on Mars with rocks in his ears since 100 B.C. It was yet another excuse for the Bloodthirsty Hun to ravage Europe and the French to wax their moustaches.
In the end, Chuck Norris killed all the French for being gay.
There are several underlining reasons that the French lost, listed in order of significance: 1) They were French. 2) It was a military conflict involving France. 3) The Germans had Thrash. 4) The French had...baguettes? 5) Chuck Norris had joined the Germans in an attempt to introduce his new plan called "Having sex with women" into France. 6) The French only had white flags (Introduced in 1656 and universally considered a wise choice for France). 7) They were French.
France and Germany now enjoy a cordial relationship. This is because France appreciates that Germany could invade in a long weekend, and because Germany realises that if she were to conquer France they'd have to occupy it. Besides its much more fun sneering at England!
[edit] Footnotes
[edit] See Also
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