|Frank Bush was an article written for the Noob only writing competition 2012!|
Yay for us!
And yay for them!
“I’ll fuck anything that moves!”
“He certainly wasn’t kidding.”
“Don’t you fucking looking at me!”
“I have never met a man so crude and vile”
Frank Bush is George Bush’s older and somewhat more unhinged brother and a spokesperson for Pabst Blue Ribbon. He was kept out of the spotlight during the elections, the presidency and the post-presidental era due to his habit of taking large amounts of drugs and abusing singers. He was allowed to speak once during the election, when he made the most profanity laden speech ever. Fortunately Dick Cheney hunted down and executed every witness before the story could spread. He was able to claim them as hunting accidents, despite occuring in major cities with the weapon being a silenced pistol. After the incident Frank was moved to Philidelphia where he contained his rape and murder in relative peace.
Frank was born two years before George, being conceived as the result of affected judgement from too much Antifreeze in his parent’s wine. When he was five, he beat George with a fire extinguisher, resulting in permanent brain damage. Frank became a murderous psychopath killing, or at least verbally abusing, everyone in his path.
George Bush’s PR team wanted to keep Frank out of the spotlight, due to his rampant drug abuse and wanton acts of rape. However, this just increased media interest. The PR team attempted to compromise and tried to get him to give a speech that expressed regret. About five minutes before the speech, he told the head of PR to go fuck himself and stormed onstage.
The imfamous speech began with him telling people whispering to shut the fuck up and ended with him lip-syncing Roy Orbison with a velvet rag in his mouth. Some statistics:
• He said fuck 503 times
• Repeatedly he broke down in tears and told the audience to look away
• He made numerous threatening references to everyone in the room
• He snorted gas in the midle of it and attempted to rape a nearby audience member
• Several times he offered drugs to various audiences members
• At one point, he cut off Newt Gingrich’s ear with scissors to prove a point.
At some point in 2012, an 80s Canadian actor shot him in the head after he lobotomized Santorum and Herman Cain with an X-Acto knife.
“I'm just glad Jeffrey could kill Frank before syphilis did.”