Franklin the Street Sweeper

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

A rare image of Franklin when he was in his 'Cartoon Phase' which everyone would rather forget.

Franklin the Street Sweeper lived in the times of Thomas Aquinas, sometime around the time that old people come from. I mean really old people. I'd go so far as to say mainly dead people. According to another page somewhere around here (veracity unknown, or rather, lost) he survived the plague through black magic and inoculation.

The Man[edit]

Franklin Bjork Userfelt the Street-Sweeper lived a short but not worthy life. Little is known of his childhood, but an account of his Uncle's nephew's childhood was discovered stuck to the back of the American constitution. It is still classified and held hostage at Area 51, much to the dismay of alien hunters everywhere.

When the plague hit he was one of the many people who helped sweep the Germans off the streets. When they began bombing in 1945 he was one of the first to build a bomb-shelter, which he forget to patent. With his miracle of engineering, comprised mostly out of concrete, he survived the Crusades and lived happily ever after. OR DID HE?

Recent archaeological research leads us to believe that most of them did in fact evolve into birds, much to the dismay of the church. Once he had cleared this up (possibly with the help of his broom, which he smoked to "Give him that Get-Up-And-Go attitude in the morning"), he moved on to more important things, like traveling in his TARDIS to free Earth from the Daleks. He made many scientific breakthroughs in this period, such as the Poor-Taste-O-Meter (used to determine whether Holocaust jokes are appropriate) and he invented milk, to the relief of cows everywhere.

The Plague[edit]

When the plague really got stuck in, and began using lasers and gattling-nukes, Franklin changed. He went from down and out Street Sweeper to Happy-Go-Lucky tramp, becoming the Charlie Chaplin. After this brief side, and after having his pet rat family devastated by plague, he announced war, and invented the vaccine. He discovered that by microwaving a flea, you could make it eight times its normal size. After selling the flea to science, he discovered that if you microwaved the virus, and ate it, it didn't taste very nice. In his own words "Pussy".[1] However, eating this concoction results in immunity to the virus. Franklin was voted 'God' in a Runescape forum poll soon after this.

After spending all his money on a sweet crib in LA, where he entertained his bitches, Franklin died of a drug overdose. Like his Uncle's nephew's accounts, he is still frozen at the Lakeland Cryogenics's institute on the moon.


  1. Before you pronounce this wrong, it is the descriptive version of the word 'Pus', as in the stuff that infections crap out. I had you worried though.