Freaks

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What Are Freaks?[edit]

“I'm a freak of nature”

~ Daniel Johns on Freaks

Freaks are not people - well, they are but they just forget that they were once human and could be once again with a little less pretending not to be and a little more collaboration with the others at their receiving end of their heels.. They are things used for their amusement, like kicking cats or judging politicians not by the content of their character; but by the direction of their deeds.

Common examples of freaks include people who make sport of and ridicule some kids mental retardation, or other physical disorder, illness or physical mobility challenge. Then there’s the imperfect like third breast or nipple, way too much fat, way too little fat, hermaphrodites, those traditionally adorned and attired ring-necked African people. And then there is the more common unhealthy crossroads.

How do the freaks that are really just people in denial or who forgot how to feel with empathy and a duty to relive the sufferings of others? Passion and obsession are close relatives with feeling ageless sense of wonder and hope from an old storybook centering about a tribe of slaves, their genuineness of their formative beliefs and evolving traditions regardless of their lot in life; as careful preparation of an enduring printed and copied volume and record for the future generations to come.

Why, exactly? In order too learn from and pass on substantiation in regards to the thoughtfulness of enduring pardon towards their apparently emotionless and oppressive masters. How could they deny their offspring the seemingly lifelong realization of the unnatural but contemporarily acceptable brutality, treatment and bondage? How could they spare their precocious prodigy the denial of the rights and privileges of their captors?

Their power-ravenous overloads simply forgot they were human as well; or had never previously been trained that humanity requires equitable treatment. That they might become more humane and just toward those who toiled for their benefit and leisure and pleasure. They had not yet come to the faintest realization of the potential benefits of timely rest and comfort, ethical healing time for their not as yet indentured servants.

And their ability to forgo feeling anything amiss about their inclination not to welcome or any undue preparations for the coming a man who believed in his full heart that when the praises go upwards the blessings came down thusly; a wholly new concept to that regions ruling class and their slaves - who had the hindsight fearing the wrath that such revelation was punitively and swiftly confronted with and extinguished by the new freak in town's claims; and anyone to associate with him his wondrous but forbidden ideas.

Uses[edit]

Freaks, though freaky, can be of much valuable use. Especially in movies, like Spiderman, Will Hunting, or the mutant from the Goonies because we as compassionate human beings can learn from their unnatural paths. Freaks can also be employed for our entertainment, (John Merrick - The Elephant Man [2]), like this lady.

Freaky[edit]

What makes a freak a freak? Here are some good examples:

Rush Limbaugh Deems Himself Ditto Divider[edit]

After Bush's Uniter Backfired[edit]

By the By – Anyone else in here ever notice how much RUSH's head and profile resembles one of the concealed cheeks in the general area of the protruding butt-crack almost identically? And then when he starts ranting; doesn’t it smell like that area as well? (Fair Warning Here: Once someone tells you this sub-conscious truth about Rush Humbug's 'better half' you can't look away).

Rush Humbug's View From the 'Treasure Bath' Peanut Gallery: "To Hooey With His Hopes! - IMHO Failure IS My Far More Profitable Option Here!" Incidentally Folks, feel free to write, call or e-mail any of my $63,000,000 dollar a year Fox News / Clear Channel Sponsors[1] I mean if you don't like it: Who Cares, really? - By all means waste their time - it's not on my dime! (After all, if I'm not bothered by it they likely won't be either!)

Sure, they're my meal ticket but heck, they'll probably wind up apologizing to me for the bother; just like everyone else does!

The Great Freak Insurrection[edit]

Back in the 1960's and 70's, being a freak was becoming more accepted, and the population of freaks was growing rapidly. Eventually, they thought they had enough power to take over. Two years before the deadly 1969 Rock Massacre in Bethel, NY, the freaks began their campaign. They started with San Francisco, thus beginning the Battle of the Summer of Love, which led to the complete destruction of that city.

With their first victory accomplished, the freaks spread out, storming city after city, and spreading their anti-war ideologies while at the same time assaulting the populace with loud folk music, propaganda, and LSD fumes. The Insurrection lasted for about 8 years, having spread to many countries, and ending with nearly 121,850,000 casualties worldwide (half being in the US). The siege was finally stopped by mass malnourishment.

Recently, freaks have banded together and proclaimed that being called a freak "Isn't-not unkind", and that all the teasing is "less-than-quasi-humane". Their group, called People for the Ethical Treatment of Abnormals, has begun suing many other organizations and companies for "unfair and anti-nice" accusations and supporting groups that frequently make jokes about freaks. Some freaks have even gone to new measures by spraying pro-freak graffiti on public buildings (such as "Abnormals Are People Too" and "In Soviet Russia, freaks tease YOU"), torching the vehicles of people who "oppress", and capturing and humiliating those who they see as a threat to their cause.


Its Good to Be the Peacenick Pacifist Freak in Town![edit]

History is been filled with em ever since that original propagation freak wandered back into town after a 17 year stint in the nearby Desert Sands after the Devil Double Dog Dared 'Em and so he cam back to see his mamma and the proclaimed to those good eaten' Romans and their minions "What Goes Up Thus Comes Down!" and became the inspiration for Old Storybook Volume II - New & Freaky [3]

Controversy[edit]

Should An Encounter Arise[edit]

Don't panic. Act completely normal, because if you behave nervously, they'll take that as an insult and probably make a spectacle of it. If you are caught talking to one, treat them as regular human beings, and always keep eye-contact. They can sense prejudice and fear.

Famous, Yeah...But They Shudda Been Born Down South[edit]

Famous freaks include

  • "Joe the Genetically Spasmodic Cocker" [4]
  • "His Illegitimate twin freak impersonator Blues Brother Elliot[5]
  • "Robin Williams (who incidentally killed off Elliot cause he was impersonating Joe) [6]


  • "Uh Oh, Home Land Security on the Cable the Larry Guy - Hot Line Here! Them thar' near my KFC Bucket a Road Kill over 'yonder - Wayzat? President Obama, you can smell my Road Kill Pickens over the phone - Ok I'm back... the rednecks has gottem in thar’ sights Lemme Larry and Curly Bay! Oh good, his passport was flagged! Fire up Jean Claude Van Dam and the Time Cops!"


  • "Muhammad Something or Other who's been running all over Mecca claiming Allah made him convert to the freggin' Islamic Hoodlums over in Oil Rich Mecca just because he was making the camels confused because the Moon Shadow, Moon Shadow kept following him around and the Camel Jockies kept gittin’ lost." See "yer passport CAT, if that's 'yer REEL name or we'll sake you shine the moons shadda from Guantannamoe. There now, back to 2004 you go round yer buddy the Moon Sahdder Moon!"[7]


  • "OMG OMG I sent Bubbah Clinton to the year 2050 AD or was it DC - oh well, Hillary will hardly miss, he been over flirtin' and jawin' with that oversexed intern agin? Him a hel'll looks like it's ACDC time LEMME consult the Bible - OMG it's CAT STEVENS again! What's that Cat Bill picked up an intern on the Time Machine... Please Say No More... What's that you say, he was flirting."


  • "The city of well all be packing are bags and headin over to the "I can't believe it's not BISHOR BUTTA BEN DOVER's, butter no wonder thay call that call that room where the alter boys gotta hang them red knickers up - the RECTORY, sounds like a gastrological munissions dump to me. OMG OMG BILL GATES IS Forming! - Look awaty Bill Clinton at the Historic Signing of the Eternal HealthCare For All Americans Bill whatever you do - DO NOT tough that computer mouse number HERE: (Dateline 2050 AD):[8]"


  • "Madonna - We All Hadder (then the dang dog alarm went off[9])"


Uses[edit]

Freaks, though freaky, can be of much valuable use. Especially in movies, like Spiderman, Will Hunting, or the mutant from the Goonies because we as compassionate human beings can learn from their unnatural paths. Freaks can also be employed for our entertainment, (see [John Merrick - The Elephant Man| [12]), like this lady.

Freaky[edit]

What makes a freak a freak? Here are some good examples:

The Great Freak Insurrection[edit]

Back in the 1960's and 70's, being a freak was becoming more accepted, and the population of freaks was growing rapidly. Eventually, they thought they had enough power to take over. Two years before the deadly 1969 Rock Massacre in Bethel, NY, the freaks began their campaign. They started with San Francisco, thus beginning the Battle of the Summer of Love, which led to the complete destruction of that city.

With their first victory accomplished, the freaks spread out, storming city after city, and spreading their anti-war ideologies while at the same time assaulting the populace with loud folk music, propaganda, and LSD fumes. The Insurrection lasted for about 8 years, having spread to many countries, and ending with nearly 121,850,000 casualties worldwide (half being in the US). The siege was finally stopped by mass malnourishment.

Controversy[edit]

Recently, freaks have banded together and proclaimed that being called a freak "Isn't-not unkind", and that all the teasing is "less-than-quasi-humane." However, all means meaning absolute; I’d have to beg to differ. Tormenting and teasing are in the eye of the beholder and the beholden.

Separate but even necessary for fitness be it socially, as in the case of uncovering their family as anyone with a heart, a shoestring or twine (with a rubber mouse or a sock toed to the end of it) and a kitten can testify too. Their group, called People for the Ethical Treatment of Abnormals, has begun suing many other organizations and companies for "unfair and anti-nice" accusations and supporting groups that frequently make jokes about freaks.

That's ok though, because the tormentor may not have a full-hearted or even passing awareness of the difference between funny adages and their target’s tenderness or heightened sensitivity. Some freaks have even gone to new measures by spraying pro-freak graffiti on public buildings (such as "Abnormals Are People Too" and "In Soviet Russia, freaks tease YOU"), torching the vehicles of people who "oppress", and capturing and humiliating those who they see as a threat to their cause.

Should An Encounter Arise[edit]

Don't panic. Act completely normal, because if you behave nervously, they'll take that as an insult and probably make a spectacle of it. If you are caught talking to one, treat them as regular human beings, and always keep eye-contact. They can sense prejudice and fear.

Famous Freaks[edit]

Famous freaks include

See also[edit]