French Open

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Tournoi de Roland-Garros, also known as the French Open and Une Load de Boring Crappe, is a major tennis tournament held over two weeks between mid-May and early June in Paris, France, at the Stade de Roland Garros. It is the second of the Grand Slam tournaments on the annual tennis calendar and the premier clay court tennis tournament in the world, although the majority of people couldn't give a toss about. It is usually seen as the second most prestigious event in tennis after Wimbledon which makes it the 800,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000th most prestigous sporting event.

History[edit]

The event began as a national tournament in 1891 as the Championat de France International de Tennis. In 1987 they started to hold womens tournements despite their inability to play in any sport. In 1912, the French tournament was held with a different surface (at the time all tennis played was lawn tennis), a red clay ("terre battue") was used as a surface, made up from the crushed wastes of constipated buffalos. The tournament was open only to tennis players who were liscensed in France up until 1924 which meant there were no good tennis players on show.

In 1925, the French Championships opened itself to international competitors but since no-one would enter because of it's lack of prestige it went defunct.

Revival[edit]

The French open was revived in 1982 when tennis became more popular due to increased prize money. The tournement was moved to Roland Garros (named after the inventor of the condom) where it has since been held. Intrest in France has increased with the emergance of French tennis stars Richard Gasquet and Amelie Mauresmo. This has baffled many tennis experts as Gasquet is a chronic underacheiver and Mauresmo is an injury prone lesbian.

Records[edit]

  • Most titles - Oscar Wilde (15)
  • Longest Game - 10 days 4 hours 56 minutes (Mr. Snail v Mr. Slug)
  • Highest scoring set - 23 21 (Captain Obvious v Dark Jesus
  • Most racist comments made towards an umpire - 6700 (Jade Goody
  • Competitor with the biggest penis - User:El legend
  • Competitor with the smallest penis - <insert name here>

Champions[edit]

Event Mens Womens Doubles
2007 Oscar Wilde Lindsay Lohan Melinda Gates and Bill Gates
2006 Roger Federer Keeley Hazell Melinda Gates and Bill Gates
2005 Oscar Wilde Paris Hilton Bill Clinton and Hilary Clinton
2004 Bill Gates Melinda Gates Melinda Gates and Bill Gates
2003 Bill Gates Melinda Gates Melinda Gates and Bill Gates
2002 Oscar Wilde Jenna Jameson Jessica Simpson and OJ Simpson
2001 Rafael Nadal Jenna Jameson Bart Simpson and Lisa Simpson
2000 King Kong Jenna Jameson Osama Bin Laden and Satan
1999 Oscar Wilde Paris Hilton Jesus and Jebus
1998 Oscar Wilde Jenna Jameson Superman and Captian Obvious
1997 Oscar Wilde Alessandra Ambrosio Jebus and Jesus
1998 Oscar Wilde Jenna Jameson Jack Bauer and Elisha Cuthbert
1997 Satan Jenna Jameson Jebus and Jesus
1996 Oscar Wilde Athena Jebus and Jesus
1995 Oscar Wilde Michael Jackson Carmen Electra and Joan Jett
1994 Oscar Wilde Jenna Jameson Jebus and Jesus
1993 King Boo Jenna Jameson Jebus and Jesus
1992 Black Jesus Boudica Carmen Electra and Joan Jett
1991 Kim Jong-Ill Hilary Duff Bart Simpson and Lisa Simpson
1990 Oscar Wilde Jenna Jameson Carmen Electra and Doris Day
1989 Oscar Wilde Alyson Hannigan Princess Leia and Princess Zelda
1988 Homer Simpson Lisa Simpson Homer Simpson and Abe Simpson
1987 Bob the Builder Michael Jackson Bart Simpson and Lisa Simpson
1986 Kanye West <insert name here> George Bush and Tony Blair
1985 Oscar Wilde Katie Holmes George Bush and Tony Blair
1984 Oscar Wilde Jessica Alba George Bush and Tony Blair
1983 Oscar Wilde Lois Griffin George Bush and Tony Blair
1982 Oscar Wilde Jane Fonda George Bush and Tony Blair