Fries with that
“I want fries with that!”
“By saying this phrase at a McDonald's drive-thru, you will get fries with your order”
“I WANT FRIES WITH THIS, DAMMIT! GIVE ME GODDAMN FRIES!!!!!!”
If you are reading this now, chances are that you would like fries with that.
Face it, you know you do.
If not, you better have a damn good reason.
A Damn Good Reason
Oops, I’m sorry. I think that headline was a little misleading. Because there actually is no conceivable reason that you would not like fries with that. Convinced?
Okay then, you are Joe Normal, or perhaps Jane Normal, or perhaps Abd-al-quahhar Akpenamawu III. Which one of the three you are is not important. The one thing you have in common with all of your fellow humans and humanoid-like mammals is your common wanting of fries with that. In fact, shaking your head side to side does not reverse this fact, regardless of how fast you may do it, and of if you get dizzy from doing so and fall and impale yourself on an ill-placed garden rake.
Consequences of not having fries with that
- Cranial bamboozlement
- Rectal heebie-jeebies
- Chronic pasteurization
- Morning sickness
- Penile protrusions
- Decapitation Disease
- Spontaneous tampon explosion
And really, have you even thought about the children?
Hey there champ, or princess, or whatever you may be! Sorry for all the grownup talk! This part is just for you! Excellent and Very Rad, Dude!!! So anyway, do you like Pikachu? Yeah? YEAH! How about water slides? Yeah? YEAH! And how about fries with that?
Yeah, I thought so. You always were a pushover. And actually, you are not the problem. Or are you? Have there ever been times when you thought that maybe you just maybe maybe don’t want fries with that? Yes? Ooh, that’s really really BAD. You are a very bad kid. Did you know that your friends at school are talking about you and saying “That kid is so uncool. He/she doesn’t have fries with that.” And did you know that they are plotting to put icky dead things in your shoes during gym class when you aren’t looking? Okay now, this is just a grownup secret, but you should also know that BAD kids that don’t have fries with that lose their mommies!! Yes! Where do they go? They go to jail! They go to jail and cry all day! That’s why you should be a GOOD kid and have fries with that.
The kids have gone to bed, scared
Okay adults, are you still with me? Sorry about that… clown picture. Oh, you skipped over that last part to get past that disturbing clown? Good. That part sucked anyway. Now lets get back to the more serious matter at hand: Your doubt of the necessity for fries with that. So, are you even aware of the fact that there are many less fortunate than yourselves in countries in Africa like… you know, that one with the elephants and stuff?
The poor of the world
Poor people around the world cannot have fries with that. In fact, they don’t even have that. However, it is a common misconception that the world’s destitute do not want you to have fries with that. Actually, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. The Poor People’s Representative of Croatia, Ivan Hungrisonovovic has even been quoted in a respectable publication saying “We, the poor people of the world, do not wish for your sympathy, your donations of money, or your canned corn. What we wish for is for you to have fries with that!.” Well spoken for a man with only two teeth, is it not?
Enough with the blank stare. Go out and get your fries with that
Still there? Okay, if big bold words do not work for you PERHAPS ALL CAPS DO. GO OUT AND GET YOUR FRIGGING FRIES WITH THAT, BEFORE GOD GETS ANGRY.