Fringe
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The fringe is the primary source of power for an emo, what it actually is in reality is an alien parasite from the planet TRESemmé IV. They look very much like a fake sideburn except, obviously, more fringe like. Nobody knows exactly why the fuck it makes it's host slice their wrists and kill themselves as that seems to destroy the fringe aswell, but nonetheless they are considered very, very dangerous.
[edit] What should I do if a fringe attatches itself to me?
If the fringe attatches itself to your head, you will be unable to get rid of it. As it attatches, it sends electric signals to your brain. This will stop you from being able to pick up any cutting or shaving equipment unless you mean to cut yourself. It also stops other from being able to touch your hair and you may unintentionally defend it with your life. Your main concern is to not give into your urges you will start receiving within the hour:
- Many types of music may become unappealing to you and shortly after this you will be drawn in to typical 'alternative' or 'emo' styles. Try as hard as you can to not listen to it. If the worst comes to the worst, do NOT listen to music altogether.
- You may get sudden streams of depressiveness as the fringe injects toxins into your bloodstream which trigger a deep, mind-affecting hormone. This hormone stimulates irrational thought in your mind and makes you feel as if everything is much worse, even if nothing is wrong. This has lead to people slitting their wrists in the vain hope to 'make it all go away'. Hide any sharp objects in your local area and do NOT give into the depression. Get angry, not depressed. It's much better for you.
- Now come the cravings. In order to sustain the fringe's life-force, it has a strong need for attention. You will begin to experience cravings to style your new fringe, take pictures exposing the arm that is taking the shot and post them on www.myspace.com. Hide your cameras. Break your mirrors, 7 years bad luck is better than 7 years with a fringe. Also, your clothing style will change, it has been proved that within 2 hours of the fringe coming into contact with the head, nobody is without a pair of 'skinnys'. You must fight the urge for these abominations as they are special caging systems used by the fringes in order to restict movement to the legs.
- If all else fails for the fringe, it will sap strength directly from you. You will feel weak and often not be able to mosh during a concert. You will find yourself having to spin your arms round in a 'windmill' motion in order to keep up with the crowd... unfortunately, you will be so weak that once you'l started, you will be unable to stop. As this is frowned upon by the masses, many people infected by the fringe will find themselves being beaten up by stronger people and although you will want to, you will be unable to stop. This can lead to death in many situations.
[edit] How do I kill a fringe?
As long as the fringe does not manage to climb up your leg and attach itself to your head you are in no danger whatsoever, as a fringe moves about as quickly as an obese mongoloid. There are several easy methods to destroying a fringe.
- Burn them. This is the easiest known method for destroying a fringe, and was first discovered/performed by the famous Jon Cobb
- Curl them. This method is know to cause the fringe the most pain, and so is naturally the preferred choice for weirdos, Punks and Jon Cobb
- Stand on them. Whilst time consuming, this method has been known to work quite often, sometimes to great effect. However, you must beware of the fringe chewing through the sole of your steel-toecapped boot as this will surely not end well for you.
[edit] Famous fringe killers
- Jon Cobb
- Punks (in general)
- Mr.T (under the tuition of Cobb)
- Chuck Norris (also under the tuition of Cobb)
- The Ghost Busters
- Toni & Guy
- Bill (from left 4 dead)
- Nuck Chorris While stalking Chuck.
