Fucktard

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“I try to have some sympathy for the poor bastards, but you it's fucking impossible.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Fucktards

“I agree”

~ Jesus on Fucktards

“Am I one of them? ”

~ Captain Oblivious on Fucktards

“If you have to ask...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Fucktards

Definition of a Fucktard[edit]

According to the National Endowment of the Arts, "Fucktard" is actually based on the Middle French fuctarde, a portmanteau of Old French words derived from the Old German fokken, "to strike", and Latin tardare, "to delay". The term dates back to the tolling of the bells in Paris for the Holy Mass at each of the city's seventy-eight ornate cathedrals. The fuctarde was the bell-ringer who started frantically pulling the rope when he woke up from a drunken stupor every Sunday afternoon.

If you are reading these words, you most likely like a fucktard.

Fucktards exist in every aspect and class of society. From the upper upper class, to the middle class, all the way down to lower class and beyond, fucktards exist everywhere. There is no exception. They are among us at all levels of society. At work, in school, both in public and private sectors, governments, secret societies, and more. There is at least one amongst most groups. There is no filtering system to "pee your pants" fucktarded people. In fact, some even work together in packs within which all members are fucktards, even nationwide and global networks, to coordinate their efforts of sheer utter fucktardery, only to reveal themselves as one big collective fucktard whole once again.

Classification[edit]

The word fucktard is a noun. It is also widely hailed as "the only word to describe" the person in question. However, since 'fucktard' is a noun, you catch fucktards who misuse the word. 'What the fucktard?' , 'Fucktard off', and 'Aww fucktard' are misuses. When you catch a person misusing the word, be sure to call him or her a fucktard, and stab him or her in the neck. If you actually follow this advice, then you are a fucktard and you should kill yourself too. nigger bitch ass hoe is a fucktard

A Typical Fucktard:[edit]

May meet one or several of the descriptions listed below:

  • Masturbates to Martha Stewart Living
  • Masturbates to Katie Plastic
  • Is famous only for being famous, or for being arrested for DUI 3+ times
  • Confuses illegal narcotics such as Cocaine and Methamphetamines with over the counter drugs such as Tylenol and Flintstones vitamins, and then attempts to sell them at local elementary schools
  • Is over the age of 27 and still lives with their senile grandparents
  • Anyone with three last names
  • Anyone who thinks the words Noob, Noobtard, Noobie are funny and insulting in any way.
  • Anyone who says "Fagget" instead of "Faggot".
  • Kids who spend more than 50% of their waking life playing World of Warcraft.
  • Guys who go to bars and parties and talk about their gaming experiences they had on Halo 3 earlier that day.
  • shelby scott
  • 90% of people who live in the suburbs.
  • Boy racers who think that modded hatchbacks look cool.
  • Teenage girls who tYp3 LYk D1Z.
  • People who know nothing but feel they must have a say in everything.
  • Uses the terms "lol" and "lmfao" in real world conversations.
  • Thinks Lil Wayne is the best rapper ever.
  • Insists their music is better than yours.
  • Justin Bieber
  • ^And all his fans
  • Any follower of Glenn Beck
  • Glenn Beck
  • Cuffs Kotowski
  • Truly, however erroneously, believes that everybody cares about at least something they have to say.

Usage[edit]

The word "fucktard" originated long ago, in a universe far, far away, and is used 99.8% of the time on YouTube and .2% of the time on other websites involve social interaction. It is used to insult someone that has done the following.

  • Spelt sumthink rong
  • Ruined a joke
  • Says the exact opposite of everyone in the comments section
  • Is retarded
  • Thinks Linkin Park is the best band ever.
  • Is one of the millions who has used Bodies by Drowning Pool in at least one of their videos
  • Likes anything by Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Justin Bieber or Ke$ha
  • Likes Fred
  • Is a male fan of Twilight
  • Is a High School Musical fan of either gender
  • Can't find Waldo
  • Is an artsy-fartsy, smug liberal
  • Mistakes their ego for their dignity, losing their dignity in the process
  • Turns the music up on their Ipod so damn loud so EVERYONE can hear their crappy music
  • The fucking nerdy retard who wrote this article
  • has ever played WOW
  • Nick Bagnall
  • People who insist that others comply with their religion in non-religious ways
  • 'Helicopter Ben' Bernanke
  • The next person who puts something in this list
  • Me, I guess
  • The person before the last person who put something in this list.
  • The person before the next person who puts something in this list.

What to do when you meet a Fucktard?[edit]

Smile, do make eye contact, do not avoid conversation, and quickly sprint away. A punch in the "junk" is warranted and expected.

Or, immerse yourself in their habitat and learn the way of the fucktards. Then (if you aren't bitten and turned into one, or eaten alive by them..) come back to the real world, publish a novel on it, use your earnings to: a) help the fucktards of the world become more human; b) retire to a mansion in Northern California with that dog you've always wanted to get, but your parents would never let you have because they were "allergic" ...yeah right.

See also[edit]