GBM University

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GBM University is Australia's newest tertiary education institution. Founded by John Howard after the September 11 2001 bombings GBMS University is intended to replace all universites and to then be followed up in 2010 by a series of primary and secondary schools in order to remove all seditious elements of education from the system. GBMS stands for the four events in Australia's history up until the election of the Howard Government; Gallipoli, Bradman (Donald) and Menzies (Robert "O RLY?! Buttsecks"). To quote John Howard on the importance of these historical elements, "Australia has a rich history, spanning right back until World War I. Those terrorists and un-Australian, seditious, Labour voters will argue otherwise but I am conservative so I am right (XP bad pun). Gallipoli encapsulates everything that Australian's need to know regarding foreign policy, friendship with fellow Australians, killing Turks, sacrificing the lives of brave and noble men so that we can taste the posterior of more powerful nations and, of course, make a complete balls up of everything. Donald Bradman, the second element of the GBMS system, is the person I most admire and therefore should serve as a role model to all. Bradman was good at cricket and therefore is the most perfect human being and possibly divine incarnation ever to walk Menzie's Green Earth. He may not have actually achieved anything for the world but his average of 99.94 serves as a reminder to all Australians that despite how dark the time may be BRADMAN WAS GOOD AT CRICKET! Robert Menzies is vital for Australia to emulate as he is the only leader in our nation's history that I am able to envy when it comes to stirring up middle and upper-class money-grabbing conservatism. Simpson, part of the ANZAC legend is to me vital also as Simpson used his donkey in World War I helping soldiers wounded whilst killing Muslims. Whilst some would argue that Simpson was merely doing his duty his duty we should look not to facts but to rhetoric. And I rhetoricise that Simpson was fighting Muslims and, since he was so great, we all should do so."

Seditious Educational Subjects

These are to be removed from the Australian curriculum:

  • Mathematics- use of Arabic numerals, a known trait of terrorists)
  • English- Terrorists may infiltrate the English language and, since education of people will destroy the electoral hopes of the Liberal Party of Australia, it is seen by Howard as a necessity that we stop them getting this powerful weapon,
  • History- Terrorists are able to make up lies about the history of the world such as the Spanish Inquisition, the Suez Crisis, invasion of Australia, the Crusades, the British conquering India, the Dutch conquering south-east Asia, the Dutch and British and Germans conquering Africa.....Western civilisation. Clearly these lies must be stopped and children must be taught that Muslims caused everything, from the massacring of Muslims in the Crusades to the massacring of Muslims in the Spanish Inquisition.
  • Religion- Some people try to justify conservative policies such as hatred of homosexuals, oppression of women, anti-abortionism, creationism, etc with religion. Under the GBMS system people will be able to express these views not with religious basing but with political as we will adopt them as party policy.
  • Geography- To quote Alexander Downer, Minister for Foreign Affairs, "Who gives a fuck where Lichtenstein, Russia, Asia, Africa or anywhere is? I certainly do not. Squee. We should simplify the geography curriculum by focusing on three Summarised Nations, encapsulating our foreign stances rather than meaningless "factual titles". We will create the nations CRAPPEE- Courageous Regal American Patriotic Proud Earth Empire consisting of all conservative, Western nations, the CESS- The Cowardly European Socialist States consisting of all those nations that don't love America, Asia- All nations in that area are the same and therefore should be classed as one and TOIL- Terrorists & Oil, will become the new name for all Middle-Eastern nations as terrorists and oil are the only things important to our policy to come from that region.