Game Genie

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The official Game Genie breakfast cereal.
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Game Genie.

The Genie Of The Game[edit]

Game Genie is a special Genie that is found on such NES video games made before 704BC. The Genie is trapped inside a video game, and if you can release him by rubbing the gaming console, he will come out and grant you 3 wishes that are video game related. But beware what you wish for, as the Genie can be quite tricky and your wishes can backfire.

Origins[edit]

It's unknown how the genies get into the games or why, it is suspected as being some kind of punishment for playing a Sega, but they are found mostly on Nintendo Entertainment System games. It is unknown which games they are inside of, but if you have a NES game in your possession, rub it strongly and if smoke fills the room and a large blue man with a diaper on his head emerges, you've found a game genie willing to grant you 3 wishes.

The 3 Wishes[edit]

Your 3 wishes are up to you, but they have to be video game related, as the game genie is not like a regular genie who will grant you 3 wishes to make you wealthy, irresistible to the opposite sex or make your legs disappear when you wish for you dick to touch the ground.

Wishes you can be granted by the genie in your games are things like infinite lives, unlimited continues, infinite firepower, level select, invincibility, jump higher, suck harder, always have a certain item, never need to do something in particular, all exists open, nude sprites and so on. The genie will grant you the 3 wishes you need to help you defeat the game. But use your wishes wisely, as sometimes your wishes can backfire on you, and the game will freeze up or death may occur.

I Dream of Game Genie[edit]

Obviously not all games contain a game genie, only the lucky few million have ever been found and recorded to be shown on youtube where people will show there wish and other people whose regular game without a genies help will comment with "This video is fake, mine does not do that" or "How the hell do I do that? tell me please". But these videos are real, because they found a game genie! But beware that now that they have found the genie, they are obviously now dead or in a serious critical condition, this is the reason why they will not reply back to you to tell you how it is done.

Genie attacks can come in many forms of different genies, such as a big black genie who calls himself "ShaqKazzamuhamad Abdulf Roof Chewbar Achmhal Arselickaflicka Smith" who might just leave you wishing you had never released him from your Magic game, or it could be in the form of a big blue bald man named "Willy Robinson" who will annoy you to death by bursting out in a chorus line of songs that will leave you feeling homofied from the experience.

Be Careful What You Wish For[edit]

If you see this genie, run away, run FAR away
An evil Game Genie attacking the crotch of Hailee Joel Osmond

Like a normal genie, the game genie can be a tricky mother fucker, too. There have been known cases where people have wished for something, and the genie simply will not grant them a wish. These types of wishes have been documented on so many games that we can not even begin to list them all. Your best bet is to keep practicing levels or games you can not proceed past certain points, and if you can not achieve it, then ask for the help of a genies wish. Other wise you can become highly frustrated wasting a wish that simply does not work?

Other wishes have backfired with drastic results. A 9 years old boy found a genie and used it on Micheal Jacksons Moonwalker. He first wished for invincibility, he was attempting his second wish, when his mother walked into the room, and stood in front of the TV, blocking his view. His sentence went, "I wish for Micheal Jackson to...*mother stands in the way*....oh, fuck me, move it! Micheal Jackson then appeared in the room and began fucking the 9 year old boy. Due to the code of invincibility, his mother was unable to pry MJ off her son, nor could the police who where called on in force to stop Micheal, they even tried shooting MJ with over 20,000 bullets, but Micheal was invincible and impervious to bullets, bats, snakes & turtles. In the horrific event, the 9 year old boy was hit by straying bullets and died instantly in the cross-fire. To this day Micheal Jackson is still fucking the rotting corpse of that innocent 9 year old boy.

  • Note: It was the MJ of the video game, not the real one who died when he woke up in a hospitals childrens ward and died because he thought he had gone to heaven.


Banishment Of The Game Genie[edit]

Since the horrific events of the Moonwalker wishes gone wrong, games that contained powers of Game Genies where banned and outlawed. All games containing game genie games where destroyed and burnt. New games and systems began being developed and anyone looking to cheat in a video game where encouraged to use safer-non-child-fucking code makers such as Pro Action Reply, Game Shark and Code breakers units. These units where designed to safely allow gamers to cheat, and also was available to anyone who wanted one, without having to look for special games containing a sick child raping genie inside of them.

However not all of these cartridges have been destroyed, some still exist on the black market and ebay. If you find one, it is vital you destroy it. If the game was any good, it has been turned into a genie-less rom component for emulation of various systems, it is legal to do this since Nintendo issued a banishment on all nes games in 1993 with clean rom dumps without the risk of a genie popping out and molesting you. It is vital you do not attempt to play one of these games in search of a genie. You must destroy the game if you ever come in contact with one. You may seek professional help on how to destroy these games from existence by sending it to the Angry Video Game Genie Killing Nerd who will show you the correct ways to destroy these cartridges via video by lighting it on fire, hitting it with a hammer, blowing it up, encasing it in carbonate, microwaving it or the best method on how to destroy a video game by simply just defecating on it.

Games You Can Find A Genie In[edit]

You could find a game genie only on these consoles games.