Garage bands
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A great way to launch your career as a musician is to play at birthday parties. This brings absolutely no shame and is a highly lucrative stepping stone in your career.
Also, in order to score some sexy points, remember to inform every girl you've ever laid eyes on at your high school or job that you are in a band, even if unprovoked. This enhances the chances that she will suck your tiny penis.
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[edit] Origin
The first garage band came into existence one day when Chuck Norris and Stephen Colbert became very bored while sitting around in Chuck Norris' garage in 33 A.D. Instead of looking for innocent victims to roundhouse kick, Chuck and Stephen decided to explore their musical talents. Chuck picked up an electric guitar and hooked it up to his amp and started playing the most beautiful glissandos ever sounded in the universe; Colbert sat in front of the drums and started beating on them like someone been messin with his womanz. Everyone in the world heard this, but unfortunately, the sound was mistaken for angels' mournful singing. Shortly after improvising the most beautiful, harmonic composition known to man, Chuck Norris got bored again and roundhouse kicked his electric guitar and Stephen Colbert's face. It took over 1900 years for this trend to pick up, but eventually, in the 1950's, some shitty garage band actually did congeal on the surface of the earth. We know this band today as Metallica. Praise the lawd!
[edit] Benefits
Being in a band (be it a bathroom, den, or garage band) bestows great benefits unto its members.
- Being in a band is an acceptable alternative to being a doctor. Parents really "get it."
- A large relaxation in the eligibility equation women use to select men.
- Improved hygiene practices are inevitable if you're a sweaty, greasy garage band member. You'll never smell like B.O. again!
- The satisfaction is never ending when you finally get a major label. Achieving this is very easy. All you have to do is look like you can play your instruments when you're playing a gig. Record signing will follow if this procedure is repeated daily.
[edit] Music composition
According to garage band Dogma: If the quantity of band members is large enough, then a garage band can write songs. It is theorized that a million garage band members playing a million guitars can collectively write one cover of "Stairway to Heaven".
Mainly, music is composed by the Band members gathering, and asking, "Does, uh, anyone got any songs?" The answer, (usually no) has little import on the rest of the rehearsal. They will go on to just sort of play very loudly until the next power outage. (although some bands creatively put a drum solo in until the power comes back on.) Otherwise, the members just listen to the same song of some other band over and over until they learn how to "adequately perform" it.
[edit] Notable garage bands
NONE, lol!
