Garth Crooks

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“In the heat of things, given that A follows B and the bees follow the birds, does Garth Crooks, as it were, exist in this reality, or the next, given that Garth Crooks gave 110%, at the end of the day?”

~ Garth Crooks on Garth Crooks

“What the friggin' hell's he on about?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Garth Crooks

What are the chances of, let's say, a turban being morphed into Paul Gascoigne? And do you think it will affect England's chances at the World Cup?

If I were to say one word to you, and that word were to be "Garth Crooks", would it conjure up an image or, for example, a philosopher or, in contrast, a circus clown? And just how important would it be for Garth Crooks to stand up and be counted, to become a pigeon, or to ask a neverending rhapsody of queries? Do you even care? Over to Manish in the studio.

[edit] Boyhood dreams?

Now, as we know, the boys did really well today, but is that enough, considering just how hard it is build a house of cards, in this day and age? Do you really and honestly believe Garth Crooks can escape the wrath of relegation this time around, given the uncertain circumstances surrounding the manager's depature? And does young Garth deserve a place in the England set-up; wherever, whatsoever and nevertheless? Notwithstanding - will he be given a spoon in the shape of the moon, or a parka in the shape of Richie Barker? Over to Manish in the studio.

[edit] Jumpers for goalposts?

If Spurs should really dig-in and deliver an almost healthy baby, do you think they can emulate the success of say the Jesuses or Chelseas of this world? And just how, exactly, will Calcium Carbonate be formed from just a barrel of candy floss and a duck, John? In a related note, if Boston lose today and Notts Forest win, surely Gretna Green will metaphorically lose their shoes in the pond, and we all know the repercussions of such a drastic turn of events, don't we? Over to Manish in the studio.

[edit] Emphasis in the wrong places?

Now lets imagine a French aristocrat from the 1800's; now how, realistically speaking, does this relate to the burgeoning gap between the Championship and the Premiership in terms of relieving the third world countries of their crippling debts, and replenishing the ozone layer with giant layers of floating sawdust, inasmuch as tea is bitter and chocolate tastes like Derren Brown, just what is Garth Crooks trying to say, and how long will he in asking this mundane question, for which time City will have surely missed the boat and rearranged another cross-country hammer race with the likes of Redditch, who, let's not forget, almost gave us a heart attack induced by sausage? Over to Manish in the studio.

[edit] The future?

Using his extraordinary gift for making the trivial sound like a revelation, Garth has been lined up for a special role in government, as a paper clip Tsar.

List of famous Sith Lords (Mostly people using the title Darth)
Emperor Palpatine	D'arthangnan	Darth Anonymous	Darth Cheney	Darth Cow
Darth Dickens	Darth Dietmar	Darth Feta	Darth Hitler	Darth Hogan
Darth Maul	Darth Nocuous	Darth Sidious	Darth Tater	Darth Vader