Gary Glitter
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“What's silver, sits at the foot of the bed and scares children? Gary Glitter's boots.”
“I love you, love; because you're two, love”
~ Gary Glitter on love
“Man who have sex with children is going to prison”
~ Confucious on Gary Glitter
“It was only for research!”
~ Pete Townshend on purchasing a Gary Glitter album
Gary Glitter (real name Paedo Gadd) aka The Shitter is a former glam rock star famous in the 1970s for wearing a silver suit and a stupid wig but now more famous for being a paedophile. He is known for his great love to everyone, but especially preteen Asian girls. Having lived for a number of years in prison in Vietnam at Ho Chi Minh's pleasure, as of 2008 he has returned to the UK where's he's certain of a warm welcome.
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[edit] Pop career
The 1970s were a very tasteless decade for Britain. As well as racist sitcoms, extravagently wide flannel trousers and Margaret Thatcher they also coughed up glam rock. Gary Glitter was one of many acts who rode this music wave like a silver-spangled surfer with a dodgy wig who kept rubbing his crotch at the under-16s in the front row. At the time, no one questioned the intentions behind songs such as 1972's "Playground Bangaround" and 1974's "Breaking In Minors (Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah!)" and, besides, the 1970s were such a crazy time that everyone was sleeping with kids. Glitter's success waned somewhat in the 1980s and early '90s although he still managed a hit with "I've Got Love For You If You Were Born In The 80s... The 80s" in 1991, later covered by Calvin Harris in 2006. He managed to wade through a resurgence of interest in the mid-'90s amongst the student fraternity who, when not guffawing at Supermarket Sweep and mock-quoting Jim Bowen Bullseye catch-phrases, 'ironically' bestowed appreciation and affection on the lovable, playful kiddie-fiddler.
[edit] Nonce
In 1997, Glitter took his computer for repairs to his local computer repairs shop after severely jamming his foreskin in the disk drive. This lead to him being arrested and charged after indecent images of children were discovered on it (also, his penis had to be surgically removed from the computer, and now consequently he no longer has a penis). Glitter responded to these claims with "they're not indecent, they're pretty high-quality if you ask me". He was jailed for six months and on release promised to be good, if you take "be good" to mean, "fuck off to the third world to abuse kids". After being kicked-out of Cuba by Fidel Castro he moved to Vietnam where he grew an absurd beard (quite possibly based on that of former Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh) and promptly got himself arrested for child abuse and banged-up for several years. In 2007, he served time with Leatherface, who he sexually abused. When asked why, Glitter responded "He was like a child, so I defended him from the others". After his release in 2008 he considered moving to the United States saying "I hear if you've been held in Vietnam for several years they treat you like a hero over there" but instead was forced to return to Britain. There was public outrage at Glitter's return but his lawyer, Ian Bastard, defended his client as "innocent" saying "Do we really know the full facts? For example, lets say little Timmy (two) returns from a trip to Uncle Glitter's cell with his arsehole bleeding screaming "the man with the scary beard did a bad thing!" We dont know the full facts!". The Government's current Glitter Threat Level is said to be "low".
[edit] Television
Before going into hiding in Vietnam Glitter had planned a comeback along with his one time drinking buddy and America's favourite (non-Austrian) rapist Mike Tyson, would host a new variety show called The Kids Are Not Alright (now Glitter is here!!). The concept of the show would see Gary being blindfolded and then trying to catch kids using only his sense of smell and Tyson's verbal directions. The show was canned by the BBC as they thought it was too Noel Edmonds.
[edit] Albums
- If You're Over Eighteen It Just Ain't Gonna Work (1973) (Bad Wig Discs)
- If Lovin' You Is Wrong, Maybe It's Okay In Cambodia (1975) (Bad Wig Discs)
- Can't I Touch Them... There (Constable)? (1977) (Bad Wig Discs)
- It'll Be Our Little Secret: The Be(a)st Of Gary Glitter So Far (1980) (Bad Wig Discs)
- What Your Mama Don't See (1980) (Bad Wig Discs)
- Get Skintight For Papa! (1999) (Neverland Ranch Records)
- My Wife Turns Twelve (2001) (Neverland Ranch Records)
- Come On! Come On! (Don't Tell Your Parents) (2002) (Neverland Ranch Records)
- Golden Showers in Vietnam (2004) (Ronald McDonald Cambodian Childrens Foundation Records)
- Let Me Show You My Hard Drive (2006) (Repeat Offender Records)
[edit] Singles
- "Playground Bangaround" (1972)
- "I'm the Leader of the Gang Rape (I Am)" (1973)
- "My Pubeless Concubine (Sixty Nine)" (1973)
- "Breaking In Minors (Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah!)" (1974)
- "Who Told You To Stop Sucking? (Treat Percy Like Your Dummy)" (1979)
- "Babies, You're Going Down... (Down The Alley Way)" (1980)
- "My Dick Between The Nursery Bars!" (1981)
- "Love Comes (On Minors' Faces)" ([1985])
- "I've Got Love For You If You Were Born In The 80s... The 80s" (1991)
- "I'm Back" (2008)
[edit] His Pad
It is a well known fact that Gary currents resides in a Large Northampton village by the name of Brixworth. This village is also known for it's amazing primary schools and nursery.
