Geelong
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[edit] Geelong - Gateway to Everywhere Else
Geelong (or "G-Hole") is the second largest city in Victoria, Australia which is at the end of a very long three lane freeway. It occasionally provides useful things for the civilised world such as kids gettin bashed on youtube or shoot ups that dont make the T.V. because it is at the arse end of Melbourne. It has a population of a few thousand, or 200,000 if you count the Emo's and Corio residents.
[edit] History
The exact date of Geelong's establishment is unknown (the date is currently under debate in the Deaken University Campus) and was actually a mistake. Geelong was supposed to be Melbourne but a lack of navigating skills by the founding ship's captain, John Murray, steered his ship towards the useless flat piece of ground which is where Geelong stands today. Geelong then expanded to become the third biggest hole in the state, falling just short of Winchelsea and Sunshine. Many of its municipal buildings are made from solidified sewerage from the nearby Weribee sewerage farm. Almost all of Geelong's building that were built after 1999, were built by the largest population of emo's outside of Flinders Street Station.
[edit] AFL team
Can't stop winning 2007 premiers. Yeah. Failed in 2008 though... probably due to the Global Financial Crisis.
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[edit] Suburbs
- Belmont ratio of one school per 12 students
- Break Water (all the rich people)
- Corio - Rich with personality (our ghetto)
- Rosewell - Some good blokes cumn outta there, heaps of commission houses
- Marshall - also known as 'where?'
- Grovedale Partys and trolley poles
- Waurn Ponds rich folk
- Highton, more rich folk
- East Geelong
- Newtown
- West Geelong full of old people
- North Geelong wat can ya say
- Bell Park fair shore theres no bells there
- Norlane... not enough space to pay out
- herne hill.... barely a hill there
- Paraparap pfft
- Whittington... junky central (still 2 b debated)
- Leopold.. The underage party town
- Bell Post Hill no bell there either
- St Albans Park...COMIN UP IN THE WORLD.... SPITTING OUT GANGS LEFT RIGHT N CENTER ..
- Ocean Grove.. ours we think.
- Portarlington.. Full of old maltese people that cannot speak english
- Queenscliff... big retirement home full of deaf old people.
[edit] Gangs
- Corio
- P.S.E.
Recently formed gang P.S.E ( The Ploom Street Elite ) a.k.a. Poofter Sucking Emo's
are beginning to be known for the gang's queer name
their shit attempts for fights more or less verbal
and scrappy graffiti tags.
there r plenty of gangs in geelong turn a corner and theres a whole different gang that wont fight 1 on 1 but will gladly gloat about how they belted u in numbers or used wepons of some sort, a, All faggots Like 50 on to 1 how do you feel?
- Pink Fairys - young 3219 boys from The Whit which are rumored to be slightly homosexual who often get into brawls with geelong grammar students. Love cheap shots.
- TGB a.k.a. wannabe's - Stolen name from the grovey boys. Some how think they started the grovey boys wen it dates back a long time ago. Manage to turn a group of boys that hung and talked up where they were from into a gang and doesn hav any real grovey boys in it anyways. Hit em up on myspace for a laugh.
- NGU - Bunch of wannabe gangstas that think there hard but all come from good homes and humble back grounds. Real hard core fellas.
[edit] Infrastructure
The Geelong Bypass is due to be completed in 2010 but Braksy Brumby and his Spring St n00bs will probably delay it by about 10 more years. The only reason that Geelong's residents don't want it is because they know that because now no one is forced to suffer the agonising torture that is attempting to drive through Geelong on the A1 and forced to stare at trains for hours on end. This means they will get no business so Geelong will die! Any other road in Geelong worth mentioning is merely a walking track with black rocks stuck together with cheap glue.
[edit] Princes Freeway (A1)
The Princes Freeway ends in Geelong and is the cause of the West Gate Bridge toll failing. No one wanted to pay to drive to Geelong so the State government had no choice but to abolish the toll. The Princes Freeway is also usually inhabited by speeding motorcycles or hippie combi-vans. Most people are utterly disappointed that Geelong is where they end up after travelling along the A1.
[edit] The Geelong Advertiser
The Geelong Advertiser is Geelong's 'number one source of news'. Given this, Geelong is populated by a large number of very misinformed Cats fans. Anyone unfortunate enough to be reading a copy will be assaulted with stories about the Cats and with the knowledge that The Advertiser won paper of the year once. Besides the constant corrections and spelling mistakes, most people buy the paper to read the Calvin and Hobbes or The Swamp comics.
[edit] Culture
Love the biffo's, love the booze and love puttin slappers on the spit with friends
[edit] Geelong Eisteddfod
There is also a well-known (i.e infamous) eisteddfod in West Geelong (no one knows why) jokingly called the 'Geelong Eisteddfod'. The only competitors in the Eistddfod are a bunch of hobos dragged in off the street and gangs of poofs who can't play any musical instrument (i.e Geelong Grammer). It is also rigged yer its all right ay
[edit] Business
Apart from the Shell refinery in Corio (or Lower Lovely Banks as often known) and the Ford manufacturing plant, Geelong lacks any major businesses. This is because most companies know that Geelong is already polluted enough and nobody wants to drive from Melbourne to work there.
[edit] Attractions
As said before, Geelong is the gateway to everywhere else and there is nothing to do in Geelong itself (hence the Geelong bypass) apart from...
- Brandon Burns - Watching him work at Dick Smith . And seeing the look on his mums face when she finds out he fukd a pole in primary school? priceless
- Mall Rats - that are slowly taking over the area there are a large number of young teens, they can be identified by simply following the yelling, fighting or following the pot smell....lol. if not stopped soon geelong will be owned by these teens, an everyone will be made there slaves
- Stare at the shitty bollards that are everywhere over geelong ( HOW FUN ! )
- Roam the CBD sreets at night and watch drunk people fight, drug dealers deal drugs, and be sure not to get raped.
- There is playgrounds where you can break your legs
- and there is to be monkey bars for old people
[edit] What to do in Geelong
Roll a five cent coin down a corio street to see the population.
Get bashed in the city night life
[edit] High Schools
- Public Schools
- Australian Technical College (Lobotomizes students to join the tradie work force)
- Belmont High School - Its a wannabe gangsta central
- Oberhole - Currently over-populated with the obese and sluts, and coastal cunts
- Grovedale
Technical High SchoolSecondaryCollege - lick anus and enjoy the stupid new programs the teachers use to get of work. All hail the program day. - Geelong High School - the place to go if uv ran out of dope. or r lookin to get layed. proven to have the lowest IQ in the whole of OZ. Also proven to have the highest rate of teen pregnancy.
- Matthew Flinders - a.k.a. Smelly Fingers or matty fleas, all suffer from severe acne and pimples(which are incedentally the same thing)
- Bell Park Secondary College
- North Geelong Secondary College - Wog central probably home to the NGU whcih is a suprise as it should be Nelson Park.
- Norlane High School - were you learn how to become scum and get in
- Corio Secondary College - only high school in Victoria with a daycare for the knocked-up schoolgirls
- Flinder's Peak Secondary College - wonder how many broken windows they've fixed over the years
- Western Heights Secondary College - all three r full of the slightly queer and plenty of emo's and where you can be bashed up and have interestin objects shuved in up uyour shitta.
- Newcomb Secondary College-currently wasting $30 million taxpayer dollars to rebuild a hole. place for every schools rejects, (and where you go after learning how to become scum at norlane).Also currently using tabletops as windows because they can't afford to replace them.
- Bellarine- A small school stuffed with sluts and two headed people (i.e Tasmanians)
- Private Schools
- Joey's - 50% of the student population is homosexual and the other 50% are rangas
- Sacred Fart... nothing sacred, the girls are easier then geting into geelong on a bus
- Christian College... Andy lives here.. Full of sikunts
- Geelong College school for snobs and nerds who like chess
- Clonard Girls Prostitution Training Facility
- Geelong Grammar School for rich poofs Mostly borders barely anyone actually from geelong goes there coz no one here can afford it.
- Kardinia International School for Asians
- TAFE (you probably be on tape if you don't know
- Gordon Institute of TAFE- Just like any high school around Geelong, home of wogs and so on, except that they're strict and disciplined. Home to the highest IQ of any students in Geelong.
