Gender neutral pronouns
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Gender neutral pronouns (GNP) are replacements for real pronouns that evil feminists try to enforce upon their superiors. Evil feminists say that GNP should only be applied in cases where the object referred to could be either gender, e.g. "Each doctor must try to solve his/her patients' illnesses". Sane men, on the other hand, realise that this is a manipulative ploy to degrade society's well-defined, valuable gender roles. For example, the above sentence should read "Each doctor must try to solve his patients' illnesses", because no female should be a doctor.
Contents |
[edit] GNP systems
A number of GNP systems are in use in the English language, but their acceptance by writers and speakers varies.
[edit] Standard system
The following system of GNP is preferred by all normal humans. It is applied to all sentences, no matter how general or specific the sentence is.
| Real pronoun | Gender neutral pronoun |
|---|---|
| he | he |
| him | him |
| his | his |
| she/her | it |
| her/hers | its |
Furthermore, any noun that exclusively refers to a female is rendered as "thing" (e.g. "girl" becomes "thing"). Any pronoun that refers to a social role that is, or that should be, exlusively male uses the masculine pronoun (e.g. "A worker must provide for his family" does not change).
The standard system is a compromise between evil feminists and sane men, in that when a masculine pronoun is used it preserves its gender (according to the wishes of sane men), and when a feminine pronoun is used it is converted to a gender neutral pronoun (according to the wishes of evil feminists).
[edit] Lesbian/nerd system
The following system of GNP is advocated exclusively by lesbians and male feminist traitors. It only applies to pronouns that could refer to either males or females.
| Real pronoun | Gender neutral pronoun |
|---|---|
| he/she | e |
| him/her | em |
| his/her | eir |
| his/hers | eirs |
[edit] Examples
| Original sentence | Standard system | Lesbian/Nerd system |
|---|---|---|
| "My wife, be a good woman and fetch some milk, would you?", he told her. | "My thing, be a good thing and fetch some milk, would you?", he told it. | "My wife, be a good woman and fetch some milk, would you?", e told her.* |
| A worker must provide for his/her family. | A worker must provide for his family. | A worker must provide for eir family. |
| To ask if a man/woman could wash the dishes, say "Could he/she wash the dishes?" | To ask if something could wash the dishes, say "Could it wash the dishes?"** | To ask if someone could wash the dishes, say "Could e wash the dishes?" |
*Note that the lesbian/nerd system still uses gendered pronouns when the gender is specified, as in "her" for the wife (who is always female). However, the partner of the wife is not necessarily male, but could be female (as lesbians claim to be). Therefore, "e" is used.
**Note that the standard system recognises that only women wash dishes, and hence uses the words "something" and "it".
