Gene Hoglan

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Gene, after an interview insisting that he really wasn't a potato, he was in fact a yam.

“Its in my genes.”

~ Gene Hoglan on his drumming skills

“God fucked up and gave Gene the drumming skills I could only dream of having!!! Damnit!!!”

~ Kirk Hammet on Gene Hoglan

Gene Hoglan is a badass motherfucker. He is most famous for possessing the drumming talent that Kirk Hammet could only dream of having, (Due to the fact that he doesn't play drums.... maybe...????) Who's the dumbass that wrote theis shit??????? 00:07, March 12, 2010 (UTC)> Kirk Hammett's lost drumming skills and using them in the bands Dark Angel, Death, Strapping Young Lad, Testament, Dethklok, and virtually every other band in existence (except for Metallica because they apparently don't like big, badass drummers in their band). Starting out as Slayer's light tech, he elevated his career by pummeling his enemies with his badass boots and Beating the drums like a true talented baddass only could! When Dave Mustaine got into a fight with Gene Hoglan during a previous tour, There wasn't a fight, due to the fact that Gene is an upstanding and riteous dude!!! And also, Metallica makes more money than you!"

< Geeeee, conformity is pevelent in the world ... huh?

Gene's Birth(s)[edit]

Gene Hoglan came into being when the gods in the sky slammed two large stones against each other in a process now known as percussion. Sparks flew from the stones, came together, and made Gene Hoglan. Excess sparks and the sound of the slamming stones created the byproducts lightning and thunder.

A New Friend[edit]

So Hoglan now had the "Basics of Drumming" in his left pocket (it is an ancient and rare stone tablet carved by Mike Portnoy), and now needed a new kit. It is confirmed that Hoglan visited at least 43 music stores in 98 states in the US. None of which could satisfy his need for the perfect drum kit. However he is the world's greatest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hoglan had almost given up hope and was sitting outside Ozzfest 1702, when out stepped the one and only Van Williams of [[Nevermore], Because he's that noticable I guess),

== Fear Fat Factory == ( < This guy has a fetish I think) The then-former guitarist of Fear Factory, Dino Cazares (who is fat as fuck)< see what I mean!!!, and the vocalist Burton C. Bell made up and decided to form an allstar band. They decided that the average weight of the band had to be 250, as they want their band to be really heavy. As a result, they recruited Gene and current Fear Factory bassist Byron Stroud.

They decided to call their band Fear Factory, which stirred up a lawsuit filed by then-drummer Raymond Herrera and then-guitarist Christian Olde Wolbers. Gene Hoglan said nothing about this, but Burton and Dino crippled Raymond's arms, which didn't affect his playing at all (as he doesn't even use his arms). Him and Christian eventually went on to form the shitty mallcore band Arkaka. < Don't care!!!!!

Gene Hoglan has since reverted to taking care of Devin Townsend's cats while he is away on tour with Between Your Dead Wife and My Dick, a 2nd rate Tool ripoff,( Wow... and he likes TOOL too, imagine that, he has a fetish for fat guys tools!!!!!!, and some guys from Colorado who think they can shred. Gene forgot to bring drumsticks, < actually, he didn't forget, he left them up this guys ass that wrote this shit!, resulting in him ripping off the roadies arms and using them as drumsticks. < Noe that's metal!!!!, And you thought Dave Lombardo was a badass drummer...

Gene's Musical Career[edit]

The following is a list of the bands Gene has played for, or has been a member of, and the musicians he really thinks probably like him.