General Santos City

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'General Santos City is the capital of the glorious Democratic People's Republic of Mindanao. It is known internationally as the Tuna Capital of the world. Currently, after the communist takeover, it has also been named New P'yongyang.


Prehistoric General Santos City was inhabited by some Muslim seafarers who had a good time partying with the local B'laan, T'boli and Lumads who lived in the mountains. The early Muslims then established a sultanate ruled by some prince named Rajah Buayan, which extended to the Saranggani provinces. General Santos City, or Buayan as it was called back then was its capital as it was located in an enclosed bay.

Christian Arrival[edit]

In the early 20th century, when the US colonized the islands or Dr. Phil, they also took Mindanao. After a bloody war that pwned many Moros, the Americans soon took control of Mindanao. In 1939, a famous major general in the Philippine Army and the former Bureau of Prisons director General Paulino Santos, brought some Christian settlers from Luzon, mainly Kapampangans with him as he was sent to the "Promised Land" in an episode reminiscent of the Mayflower Pilgrims.

Upon arrival, he met the friendly Muslims of Rajah Buayan as well as the Lumads, who the Muslims were partying with since the Middle Ages. To celebrate the new found territory, the Christian settlers, Muslims and Lumads held a great party which is now known as the Kalilangan Festival.

During World War 2 the city ceased to exist, instead mostly reappearing in the mountains surrounding the bay. The Japs used Buayan as their last stand. This is evidenced when an Jap soldier emerged from a cave 60 years after the war. Shortly after the war, Buayan reappeared in its present location.

Current City[edit]

Today, after the Communist Pancasilahis takeover, General Santos City is now the a capital. However most of the bustling craze of a capital has been diverted to Davao City, as the communist declaration of the following:

“General Santos City shall hereby be the administrative and legislative capital of the Democratic People's Republic of Mindanao, and that its current stature of being a small city must be preserved with accordance of this declaration. All activities and growth concerned with a capital will now be moved to nearby Davao City, as well as several other cities.”

~ Orde Baru Soria XIV Declaration, 12.01 Juche-98

The Communist regime added some minor fixes to the city:

The Soria Tower, a massive behemoth of structure in which to house the Mindanao DPR Ministries under construction. It is not known at this time of writing when will it be finished.
  • Replaced General Santos' statue in Carlos P. Garcia park with an even bigger one, ala Kim Il-Sung style complete with outstretched right arm, with a height of 10m.
  • Made a 50m. high miniature replica of the Juche Tower known as the Tower of the Pancasilahis, directly behind Gen. Santos' statue.
  • Made a massive 330 meter pyramid-shaped structure to house the National Ministries in Purok Malakas/San Isidro
  • Made a massive stadium with a capacity of 150,000 people named after some specific date to replace the earlier gym in Lagao


Being the Tuna Capital, General Santos City makes big bucks on tuna sandwiches. Tuna has been discovered even before the Muslim's got here, and so today there are many companies that can tuna for sandwiches or japanese restaurants. These canning companies are now the lifeblood of the city's economy, sited in industrial zones in Calumpang, however the canning facilities or plants do emit foul smelling gases from their tuna packing business, which sadly lowers the land value and environment factor of immidiate surroundings.

Looking north from what used to be the Oval Plaza. As you may see, the stage is actually below the gigantic building of MSU-CETD that was built by the regime.
2017.11.03 the 21st Year of Communist reign. Looking south you could see the Spire of Pancasilahis, and behind it you could see the buildings lining Pioneer Ave.