Generic war
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“I could have sworn they had Weapons of Mass Destruction...”
~ George W. Bush on the Generic War.
“If you are to war, make it generic, so you do not infringe on copyrights.”
~ Ancient Chinese Saying on on the Generic War.
The Generic War was the bloodiest and most bitter conflict, ever. Lots died in this bloody war, which began in 1337 A.D. and ended in 666 B.C. Historians are confused about how a war could end before it started, but a study conducted by some university you have never heard of has detemined that magic was involved. The event was later transformed into an epic movie that only played once, ever.
[edit] History
The Generic War began when the Forces of Badness viciously ambushed the Forces of Goodness. This led to massive casualties on both sides, though notable heroes such as Batman and Oscar Wilde were invulnerable to all attacks and massacred soldiers with ease.
The Forces of Goodness barely managed to retreat in time, with very few numbers, to a secret hidden base. The leader of the Forces of Badness, Sauron, started searching for them.
In the meantime, a magickal crystal is discovered that can defeat the Forces of Badness once and for all. Oscar Wilde and Batman set out on a quest to find the crystal before Sauron finds the base.
Oscar and Batman fight through large hordes of teletubbies, IRS representatives, and the inventor of foamcore board but eventually reach the sacred shrine where the crystal is kept. Then, they are forced to endure 12 days of Zombie survival, because a large zombie horde was passing through.
In the meanwhile, Sauron discovers the base of the Forces of Goodness, and assembles a massive army. Only hours remain until the Forces of Goodness are destroyed.
The ravenous horde of zombies eventually passes, and Oscar and Batman head back to base with the magick crystal. Batman, however, became infected and tried to eat Oscar's brains. Oscar managed to trap Batman in a deep pit and regretfully headed back to base.
At the base, everything is decimated. A mysterious old man tells Oscar that the Forces of Badness came and killed everything. The man tells Oscar he must defeat Sauron alone. The old man promptly dies before giving away any useful information. Oscar travels to Sauron's base, killing massive armies of generic soldiers. He makes it inside the castle, only to be comfronted by Darth Batman. After an epic saber-fight, Oscar throws Batman into a conveniant pit of lava.
Oscar then enters the antechambers, only to find Sauron nowhere to be found. Suddenly, Cats appears from a rather large hole in the wall. An epic fight ensues, and at this point, the reader may wonder what happened to the magick crystal. After Cats had Oscar pinned in a headlock, Oscar flashed Cats with the necklace. It turned out that the necklace contained Product Placement for Victoria's Secret. Cats immediately became a transexual from the subliminal messages the necklace gave him.
The Forces of Badness soon falls without it's bad leader, and Goodness is restored to the world. The Generic War ended with Oscar getting married to some princess who had no signifigance in the movie whatsoever. Oscar becomes king of Ponyland. Unfortunately, there is already a sequel planned.
