Geneva Conventions

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"Yo' momma's banned on da Geneva Conventions lol!"

~ Kofi Annan on the television

"All your base are belong to us!"

~ Saruman on the Geneva Conventions

“I bet YOU weren't at the Geneva Conventions, huh?”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Geneva Conventions

The Geneva Conventions were a series of Comic book conventions held in Geneva, Switzerland in the late 1990's. The first convention resulted in a firefight between the followers of DC Comics and Marvel Comics. The Marvellians, as they prefer to be called, were holed up inside the convention center for 23 days without food. On the last night of the siege, a small contingent of Marvellians snuck out of the convention center using the sewer system. The small team caught the DC's totally unawares, and caused a massive rout. The fighting quickly became brutal, with the Marvellians inflicting massive casualties. Eventually, an armistice was held, at the Second Geneva Convention. The debating was fierce, but the Marvellians finally managed to write a clause into the treaty stating that Marvel was slightly better than DC. Ultra-official peace was made on 20 April 1998, when DC and Marvel Comics came to the unanimous decision that cigarettes do indeed contain poop (see Chemicals in a Cigarette), and then everybody shook hands. The peace was good, but it was not to last.

Historical Geneva Conventions[edit]

The Third Geneva Convention was over almost as soon as it had begun. No sooner had the various people entered and began setting up their stalls, than a rogue group of DC's entered and proceeded to begin firing upon any Marvellian in sight. The remaining DC loyalists did not want to fire on their own men, and so were caught in the crossfire. And super man killed every one. Soon the famed elite Swiss Guards entered the fray and quickly restored order. The Swiss guards rammed a peace treaty down their throats at the Fourth Geneva Convention, which expressly prohibited bringing a firearm within a mile of a group of comic book collectors numbering ten or more.

The Fifth Geneva Convention passed more or less without note, save a confrontation involving two fanatics armed with Samurai Swords prompting the extension of the ban on firearms to Sharp Pointy Objects.

The next several decades saw no major action by either group, and armed conflict was primarily limited to small brushwars in the bathrooms and next to that one big dumpster out back. However, tensions remained strained, and a boiling point was again reached when two relatively high-powered DC diplomats were caught discussing the Green Lantern in ways that did not behoove their position. References were made to various bodily functions, Spam, Pork and beans and a vaguely scatological differential equation.

The ensuing chaos has never been clearly documented, and historians may never know precisely what occurred in Corridor 12. However, what is known is that shortly thereafter NORAD monitored a large conventional-weapon explosion in the stadium and what appeared to be naked multitudes fleeing the scene. It is assumed by most that these survivors of the now-infamous Comicaust somehow made it to the bus station, were picked up by their parents, and are now living a sheltered existence in their basements.

Set All Books on Fire[edit]

Set all books on fire because no knowledge in them can be repeated and no knowledge in them should be repeated! Do not listen to your teachers or pastors, or mom and dad because none of their knowledge can be repeated and none of their knowledge should be repeated! But, do not forget to buy our books because we need your money. Do not forget to send your children to our schools and colleges, because we need your money. Listen to us, because we want you and your children to be our employees (slaves)!