Geometry Wars

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“This game is hard. Harder than a Priest in a playground”

Geometry Wars includes the destruction of several million (and in some cases billions) of Kamikaze fighter shapes. These shapes include green squares, pink squares , blue diamonds, purple jacks, and evil orange and purple sperm like objects. The objective of the game is to destroy all of the little kamikaze fighter shapes while they try to back you into a corner. The creators of the game made the game so fucking insane that little kids would develop epilepsy and bigger kids would be subject to repeated anal rape by Japanese octagenarians.

Version 1[edit]

An Easter egg in Project Gotham Racing 2, the game was hidden in plain sight in an arcade machine in some guy's garage (along with stolen cars, money and a portable radio that plays the same song over and over ).

The game involved absolutely no decent amount of color or backgrounds, and had approximately 3 distinct sounds:

  • A cockroach being run over by a semi-trailer (for the death of Kamikaze shapes).
  • A gun being fired (for the gun being fired wait a minute! thats realistic!)
  • A kitten being Huffed (for the death of your shit ship)

Retro Evolved[edit]

See what I mean?

After the realization that the Xbox 360 was making no money, a second, Retro Evolved version of the game was released with color and an extremely nauseating green objects in a nauseating purple background. (color clash from hell's hell)

The game also involves flashes of blinding light (assumingly to create seizures and lots of bright shiny... Ooooh...

“We apologise. The mosquito that was writing this article has died. We will replace him with someone else”

~ Anonymous on A mosquito dying

The third coming[edit]

Eventually circles became jealous of the media spotlight given to the squares in the war, and invaded the rectangle. 42 kamikaze squares gave their lives, an act which forced the United Diamond to enlist Albert Einstein to create a weapon. It was used twice in a counter attack, which left two spheres devastated and little ovals running for their lives. The weapon has since been hidden for safe keeping.


What tactics? Run and gun people! But ignore the corners, cause their just bad and things come out of them.

See Also[edit]