George Frideric Handel

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George Frideric Handel in all his majesty.
George Frideric Handel Signature.png

George Frideric Handel (German: Georg Friedrich Händel; pronounced [ɡɔːdʒ fɹaɪdrɪʧ ˈhændəl]) (23 February 1685 – 14 April 1759) was an expert at handling things, and more specifically all things related to music. With his many operas, oratorios and concerti grossi, he revolutionized the scene of German-English Baroque. His music's influence was of such proportions that it may justly be described as being of cosmic significance. Born in Halle an der Saale, he traveled the world to spread his heavenly music. Some of his most notable works include Yes, We Can Handle It!, Walking on Water, with Handles!, and Music for the Royal Handles.[1] Handel's music went on to inspire composers like Haydn, Mozart and Beethoven.

And all this despite his obvious handicap.

Early life[edit]

The house where Handel was born, floating on the Saale river.
Handel as a boy girl.

Handel was born in Halle an der Saale (German for "hall on the Saale river") to Georg and Dorothea (née Taust[2]) Händel in 1685, the same year that both Johann Sebastian Bach and Domenico Scarlatti[3] were born. Handel displayed considerable musical talent at an early age; by the age of seven he was a skillful performer on the harpsichord and pipe organ.[4] However, his father, a distinguished citizen of Halle and an eminent barber-surgeon, thought about handling things differently, preferring him to study law. However, with the help of his mother Dorothea, the young Handel was permitted to develop his musical potential after all.[5]

Handel's first teacher was Friedrich Wilhelm Zachow,[6] the organist at the local church. Handel learned about harmony and contemporary styles. He studied with Zachow from 1692 to 1703, when he moved to a largely unknown village where he would later invent the hamburger. Handel was such an excellent student that he soon surpassed his teacher's capabilities. After Zachow died, Handel became a benefactor to his widow and children in gratitude for his teacher's instruction.[7]

See also[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to George Frideric Handel.

Further reading[edit]


  1. I wonder where the guy got all his inspiration from.
  2. Do Germans have funny surnames or what?
  3. The fact this is the only occurrence of this name in Uncyclopedia shows how uncultured it really is.
  4. Guess where that links to. Just take a guess.
  5. She obviously sex-bribed her husband.
  6. He has a cool name. Too bad we don't have an article on him.
  7. And also because he was secretly in love with Zachow's widow, I bet.