George The Merciless
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George The Merciless is the son of Ming The Merciless and Ann Coulter The Merciless. He is also the younger brother of Eleanor The Merciless. Ming The Merciless was the tyrannical emperor of the Kingdom of Mongo and Ann Coulter The Merciless was a brain-dead right wing author, social commentator and Fox News space filler. George was the only male son of Ming and so was the Ayer to the throne. George was only six months old when his father was killed by Flash Gordon during a camp 1980’s movie and took power as the youngest emperor in the history of Mongo.
[edit] The Rule of George The Merciless
Ming was a vicious psychotic tyrant, and when his six month old son took over as emperor, the Mongolian species expected an enlightened ruler who would disassemble his father’s weapons of super destruction and provide free health care to all. How wrong they were.
First George needed to show the species of the kingdom of Mongo that he meant business. He ordered the prince of the hawkmen, Brian Blessed, to eat burgers from McDonalds until he exploded in front of all the other species of Mongo, who had been summoned to watch the event. George stuck Brian’s head on a pole outside his bedroom and fired a missile at the hawkmen’s kingdom. This missile had been filled with gas collected from John Prescott’s kitchen after his breakfast of baked beans and bacon, and it killed all the hawkmen within a matter of minutes.
[edit] George's Project to Rule the Universe
The people of Mongo were entitled to a generous pension so long as they obeyed Ming’s law, remained loyal to Ming no matter what and killed themselves whenever Ming asked them to. When George The Merciless took over as emperor he implemented a Robert Maxwell style scam and stole five hundred million Mingo Pounds in order to fund his new weapon of super destruction: the winky wonky zoom buster high powered death ray.
George heard that an earthling of the same name was planning to taken over planet Earth. George The Merciless contacted the Republican party on planet Earth and asked George W. Bush for advice. George The Merciless soon realized that George W. Bush had the brain power of a mentally handicapped baboon, and was so pissed off that he fired his newly built death ray at Earth, instantly killing Bush. The cheers from the earthlings could be heard ten million miles away. (I'm aware that longitudinal sound waves can't travel through the vacuum of space, so don't bother pointing that out)
The following day George The Merciless received an e-mail from a think tank on Earth called ‘The Project For The New American Century’. The e-mail stated they were a group of people working in the shadows, the real people planning to take over planet Earth. They said that Bush was their puppet and had no other purpose than to shout "God Bless America". The members of the PNAC relished the prospect of taking over the universe instead of merely taking over the Earth, and asked George if he could somehow transport them ten trillion light years to the kingdom of Mongo. George The Merciless sent a reply e-mail which had a black hole attached to it. This allowed all the members of the PNAC to be instantly transported to Mongo. This group would become the new intergalactic affairs council for George The Merciless.
