George Zimmer

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George Zimmer, the great man who cured cancer and aids in the year 2004 whilst brutalising Ashlee Simpson. Born January 3rd, 1958, Died August 5, 1857, at the age of 94 (see http://www.rootsweb.com/~nyschoha/cemzimm.html). Time Travel is assumed to be involved.

His memories were published in early 2005, quickly earning him Nobel Peace Prize nominations and Booker Prize awards. His self-styled black and white photography won him the esteemed Turner Prize. He was a supported of legalizing alchohol, and campaigned towards that end, but was ultimately unsucessful.

Zimmer won eight Oscars in 1967 for the film which he wrote, directed and played the entire cast (143 Austrian Midgets).

Best Original Screenplay Best Picture Best Male Actor in a leading role Best Female Actor in a leading role Best international film Best Director Best Male Actor in a supporting role Best Female Actor in a support role

Zimmer also managed to win the Oscars for best special effects, which he created using his Amstrad CPC464. Later (in the 1990s) suing Jurrasic Park's creators for stealing his technology - 30 years later.

Zimmer's greatest achievement however, was neither his cures or his literary and visual epics. Zimmer proved the non-existence of God in the year 2003 using a proof based around the length of his genitalia. Stephen Hawking sponaneously combusted after reading the thirty word proof.

Some of the most quoted Zimmer sayings follow:

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. YOU BETTER START PRACTICING WITH 2 LITER COKE BOTTLES BEFORE YOU RECEIVE MY EXUBERANT EPIDERMAL CORDAGE. MY AMPLE HEAD TEEMING WITH MAN HOOCH IS SO COLOSSAL THAT GOD TRIPS OVER IT. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MENS WAREHOUSE. RECENTLY, I WAS APPROACHED BY QUITE A LUCIOUS LOOKING LADY PERSON. HER BINDING BUST FIGURE IMMEDIATLY FORCED MY TWITCHING GARGANTUAN MAN CANNON TO RAPIDLY EXPAND TO DIVINE ELEPHANTINE DIMENSIONS. THE LADY IN QUESTION, WHO'S BEAUTY WAS ONLY MATCHED BY THAT OF MY COLLOSSAL DOWNSTAIRS DOWEL, WAS ASTOUNDED AND THUS PROCEEDED TO STARE INTENTLY AT MY INTENSIFYINGLY TITANTIC LUST LOG OF INFINITE SEXUAL DESIRE AS IT OBILTERATED MY FINE UNDERWEAR AND TROUSERS CUNNINGLY CONSTRUCTED BY MY DIGNIFIED CHAIN OF RETAILERS. SHE WAS SO FLABBERGASTED AT THE SHEER SYMBOLIC SIZE AND MAGNITUDE OF THE MAGNIFICENT AND IMPRESSIVE ZIMMER BATON THAT I UNDRESSED HER FINE SKIRT AND UNDERWEAR GARMENTS WITH MY PSYCOKINETIC EYES AND SLAMMED MY GIANT OMINOUS VEINY WHALE INTO THE CREVACE OF HER ORIFICE AND DISCHARGED AN ARMY OF MINITURE DAPPER ALBINO BOSNIANS TO COAT THE INSIDES OF HER ANAL CAVITY WITH ONLY THE FINEST SMELLING ZIMMER PROTEIN PACKED PENILE PRODUCE. ONCE I HAD FINISHED WITH THE PLEASANT PUPPYLIKE WHORE, I STAMPED MY NOW ALMOST FLACID STOPCOCK OF JOY AGAINST THE GROUND AND CHARGED INTO THE NIGHT SKY WITH THE ROCKET FUEL OF A THOUSAND GODS TO CONTINUE MY CRUSADES OF MEAT CLOBBERING. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. MERE HOURS AGO, ON A SUBWAY RIDE HOME TO MY LAVISH PENTHOUSE APARTMENT ON MY WAY BACK FROM THE WORLD'S MOST VIRILE MAN COMPETITION, THERE SAT ACROSS FROM ME A WOMAN OF ADMIRABLE MAMARY PROPORTIONS. NATURALLY, MY IMMEDIATE REACTION WAS FOR MY DANGEROUS, DEVILISH, DAPPER DOWNSTAIRS DOWEL TO SWELL TO THE ROUGHLY THE SIZE OF A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL BAT. BUT I DIGRESS. THE IMPORTANT PART OF MY TALE OF UNIMAGINABLE SEXUAL PROWESS WAS THUS: A RATHER INNEBRIATED FELLOW BEGAN TO HARASS THE OTHER PATRONS UPON THE SUBWAY CAR WHOSE DIMENSIONS WERE BEING NOW APPROACHED BY THAT OF MY TOWERING MEAT FOUNTAIN. HAVING NOT THE SAME AUDACITY AS I, THEY THOUGHT IT BEST TO LET THE MAN BE. AS HE MOVED FROM PROUDLY DISPLAYING HIS COMPARATIVELY INSIGNIFICANT PENILE PINKY TO THE OLDER WOMEN TO THE YOUNG, BOUNCY AND BOUNTIFUL BEAUTIFULLY BREASTED BROAD THAT HAD CAUSED THE MAMMOTH SWELLING OF MY SWEATY MALE-WHALE, I CLUTCHED TIGHTLY MY TROPHY FROM AFOREMENTIONED COMPETITION, AND KNEW IMMEDIATELY THE APPROPRIATE COURSE OF ACTION. THE LOOK THAT GRACED HIS WANDERING EYES AS MY PULSATING POWER PUMP RUSHED TO MEET HIS FACE WILL CAUSE ME RUMBLING LAUGHTER FOR MANY A YEAR. THE RESULTING AROMA OF GIN AND TESTOSTERONE THAT LINGERED IN THE AIR WAS INVIGORATING. I THEN SPOKE IN A DIALECT OF MANDARIN CHINESE IN A FREQUENCY THAT ONLY ELEPHANTS CAN HEAR A WARNING TO THIS MAN THAT THIS BEHVAIOR OF HIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. ALAS, IT FELL ON DEAF EARS, FOR HE HAD PASSED. THE FELLATIO SESSION THAT I HAD EARNED FROM THE MAGNIFICENTLY MILKY MAIDEN WAS INTERRUPTED BY THE GOINGS-ON OF THE NEAREST POLICE OFFICER. RATHER THAN GO THROUGH THE TEDIUM OF FILLING OUT TIRESOME REPORTS AND STATEMENTS, I WASHED HIM OUT OF THE TRAIN AND UP THE STAIRS TO THE STREET WITH A BATH OF ONLY THE FINEST PROTEIN PACKED PUBIC PUDDING THAT I COULD MUSTER. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER- FOUNDER AND CEO OF MEN'S WEARHOUSE. THE NEW YORK MARATHON WAS FUN, FOR STARTS, BUT REALLY I CAN RUN TWICE THAT FAR IF THERE WEREN'T FOR ALL THOSE OTHER RUNNERS IN THE WAY. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - THE FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. I CAN PLAY AS MANY MIDGETS AT ONCE AS SOME PEOPLE CAN JUGGLE TENNIS BALLS, SOMETIMES UP TO 12 AT ONCE. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - THE FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. YOUR CANCER IS NOT A PROBLEM. OUR SALES REPRESENTATIVES CAN CURE IT, AT HALF THE PRICE THAT MOST HOSPITALS CHARGE, I GUARANTEE IT.

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - THE FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE IF YOU DON'T WIPE THAT SMUG STUPID GRIN OFF OF YOUR FACE I'M GOING TO STOMP YOU INTO POWDER, THEN BURNINATE YOUR HOUSE. I GUARANTEE IT.

HI,I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. YESTERDAY, AFTER DESTROYING THE SOVIET UNION AND REMAINING NAZI PARY MEMBERS WITH MY MASSIVE ROD OF CARNAL, WHITE SEXFLESH, I WAS APREHENDED BY A POLICE OFFIER, WHO, AT THE SIGHT OF MY SET OF GOD-LIKE GENITALIA,BROKE DOWN AND WEPT. "MR. ZIMMER", HE SAID. "WOULD YOU HONOR MY WIFE BY DESECRATING HER TIGHT VAGINA WITH YOU POWER POLE OF DIETY?" OF COURSE, I ALREADY KNEW WHAT HE WANTED, BUT I HUMORED HIM AND AGREED. I LEPT ACROSS THE COUNTRY BY USING MY EXTENDABLE STAFF OF PROTEIN AS A POLE VAULT, AND LANDED COCK-FIRST INTO THE HAIRLESS SNATCH OF THAT POOR OFFICERS'S WIFE. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE SHEER FORCE AND IMPACT DROVE HER PUSS-PUSS INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION OF SEXUAL BLISS, OF WHICH AFTERWARDS, HER BODY WAS OBLITERATED. (FOR NO ONE CAN SURVIVE SEXUAL COPULATION WITH MY TOOL OF RED-HOT PECKER PROVIDENCE) AFTER BASTING HER BUTTCHEEKS AND HER NEWLY-FATHERED CHILDREN WITH MY VIRULENT SEED, I USED MY EYEBEAMS TO CARVE A HOLE IN TIME AND SPACE, AND PROCEEDED TO CONTINUE EJACULATING. AFTER THAT DIMENSION WAS FILLED, I RETURNED TO MY PREVIOUS LOCATION AND RETRACTED MY OPULENT MALE TROPHY TO THE SIZE OF A SEWER PIPE, AND WALKED ON YM MERRY WAY. THIS, MY CHILDREN, IS HOW I WENT ON MY WAY TO SUPREME-GODHOOD, AND HOW YOU COULD HOPE TO SOME DAY. I GUARANTEE IT.

- I'm sure you'd agree.. simply poetry.