Gerbilism

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OK. Let me just start by saying that most philosophy majors/graduates I have met were bongsmoking, preening intellectual faggots that ended up working in bookstores or coffeehouses. Either that, or they wrote miserable screenplays and pretended to be cutting edge auteurs. That being said, without ever having taken a philsophy course in my brief collegiate career, I, William High, present to you, my unique and somewhat unprecedented philosophy. My philosophy, is basically a combination of Predeterminism and Pessimism, and is summed up in an exquisite, extended metaphor:

Will says: "We are but fecally encrusted gerbils in the asshole that is life-- searching for the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, we just end up in more shit."

I call my new school of thought GERBILISM, and I predict that it will take campuses by storm. I have yet to expound upon this profundity, and, probably will not. It's understated, tacit simplicity is what makes it such an effective tool for understanding the purpose (or lack therof) of human existence.

More tenets of Gerbilism:

[[We're all crammed in a shithole by a higher being, who is neither benevolent or malevolent, and cares not for us. He hedonistically puts us where we find ourselves for his own sense of experimentation and enjoyment. The sum of our experiences is but insignificant fecal matter that accumulates on our fur during our arduous journey.

So sayeth Will.

We are the gerbil. Infinitessimally small in the colon we are enveloped by. I am not commenting on the beastlike nature of man. We are in our own, separate assholes, yet, since all assholes are similar, we can relate to the pathos of other gerbils in our very same predicament.

Maybe: We are stuck in one "colonverse", I suppose. Or, we could corporeally be stuck in individual Matrix-like assholes and yet be able to interact with each other on an ethereal, Borg-Hive collective plane.

Gerbil Cannons:

Gerbil cannons consist of two things. They are: 1. Gerbil (the most vital part) 2. Canon

Gerbil cannons were invented by a dickhead on YouTube who though it would be funny to shove a gerbil up his ass and fart it out. This ten lead to the idea of shoving a gerbil down the barrel of a cannon. Due to the Aerodynamic shape of gerbils they make great projetiles. From various sources in the US Army George Bush has issued that all cannons must now use gerbils.

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