Gerbonia
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| Official language | NinjaPirate lingo | |
| Capital | Curzed | |
| Population | 369200 Citizens (and counting!) | |
| President | WoW@GbG (lost in Azeroth) | |
| Currency | Bit | |
| Minimum beer consumption: | Too much | |
| National anthem | I like Scurvey Bukake | |
Contents |
[edit] Gerbonia
“What? No we cant stop there, thats bat country!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Gerbonia
“Did we invade it yet?”
~ George W. Bush on Gerbonia
 Warning
| The following article has been deemed ill-propaganda by the Gerbonian Ministry of Misinformation... There are no American forces in Baghdad... |
[edit] Quick Facts
Gerbonia starts with a "g" and ends with an "a". Odd, isn't it?
The rain in Gerbonia can cause pneumonia.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Its commonly accepted among the Gerbonian public that its immoral to NOT be immoral (Philosophers are still debating the subject)
Gerbonia is an economically powerful nation, renowned for its complete absence of copyright laws. Its hard-nosed, hard-working population have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.
The Gerbonian population are known to be most formidable at pie eating contests and often endup sharing the worst of worst stories of their ventures on the "sea" (those damn geeks use the sea as a word for that their intraweb...) The big pie scarse of 2987 brought out the worst in Gerbonia and eventually ended up killing every animal that didnt produce sufficiant amounts of Hermaglobin (used to power bicycle lamps...) Gerbonia boasts it self with a wide variety of pinguin meat harvested from workers defying their masters orders....
Gerbonia is also the first nation in the world to utilize AI to control tiresom jobs around the country. Its called MHC which originally started as a program to manage the hospitals around Gerbonia (hense the name ManagedHealthCare) since then the MHC-AI has been enhanced to cover most of Gerbonias routine jobs
maps: Gerbonia from space Where is Gerbonia?
“As long as the RIAA exist, Gerbonia will never be free.”
~ Morpheus on Gerbonia
[edit] Population
Gerbonia has two types of citizens. Pirates and Ninjas. The two have settled in different cities around Gerbonia Map of the Gerbonian cities and the faction the cities belong to: Map of Gerbonian Cities
Stargate Frontier a magnificant city of Gators, the city is renown for its complete lack of services (social, medical etc) towards visitors. Unless your a citizen of the city they really couldnt give a flying turd about you. The city's infrasctructure is plagued by a bad licitation the Authoritorian made, this has resoulted in Citizens dropping off roads on a daily basis, hopefully there he will find a new company to handle the infrasctructure in the future
Curzed A Ravishingly large city located in the between the north and south part of the island. Curzed has for many years relied on cheap Pinguin labor imported from Antarctica. Chief of Cheap labor, Linus Torvalds justifies this by calling them the most reliable bunch of Pinguins he ever worked with. Curzed has a well funded mass transit infrastructure made up entirely of Whales transporting citizens to and from each other. The buscompany is called Verlihub Busses. The streets of Curzed are often congested, mostly due to the roadrage war driving by Curse himself who in his car KITT usually takes up most of the road when he's out scoring chicks
Kindred Misfits Located just outside the great forrest of the north, Kindred Misfits is now home of the more stranger part of Gerbonia. Running around streets semi insane pirate-ninjas run around pretending to be Vampires. Bloodbanks are robbed on a daily basis and its uncommong to wake up with puncture marks on your throat and a bad hangover after a busy saturday night in the cities clubs. Kindred offers a place for even lowest of the lowest scum in Gerbonia. Come one, come all!
Old Farts is the city where Curse and the other seniors of Gerbonia happily hi-ho to the songs of "Vikingarna" while playing Crocket or Chess. Oldfarts is by many concidered the resting home of Gerbonia (The Gerbonian Florida some might say...)
Asylum After having his castle rundown by paranoid villagers GhOstFaCE moved his crooked scientist recluse to a far up north island. The Sanctuary is used to carry out experiments. GhOstFaCE used the Asylum when he won the Nobel War price for his "Two Headed Monkey Wench" creation, it later turned against him and left him mutilated in a pool of stainless seemen
House of Evil is the northern most city on the Mainland, inhabited a very secretive group of pirates. They spend much of their time trying to scare the Ninjas of other cities. Their favourite city to terrorise is Asylum, where they pretend to be GhOstFaCE clones, come back to experiment
[edit] Economy
Gerbonia is among the first countries in the world to be 100% financed by warez (China has been doing it for some time) The Gerbonian goverment has employed geeks to probe the net of new releases that can be sold to the poor people all over the world. The geeks are given a black trenchcoat, a pair of sunglasses and way too much coffee. The Geeks usually work in 72 hour shifts (but the Goverment is looking into getting this set a bit higher) Daily 300.000 DVDs are shipped from Gerbonia outbound for the rest of the world usually smuggled on the inner thighs of Norwegian drugdealers. The RIAA / MPAA estimate that they are loosing 6000 Billion dollars a year from the blatant leeching in Gerbonia. Thx to the RIAA / MPAA Gerbonia is self sustained when it comes to power. Chief of Economy, William Hung estimates that Gerbonia recieves 3400 Tons of warez related threats everyday which are used heat up the turbines powering the island. Gerbonia has sent the complete works of Yoko Ono to them as a "thank you" for their support. The RIAA / MPAA Hasnt recieved a lot of support from the US government:
[edit] Religion
Religion is a touchy subject in Gerbonia. The common link between the religions of Gerbonia is their fanboi'ish love towards the 8th weekday called "Dunday". Dunday is as sacred as a pirate wench's vagina and its punishable by extra spammail if any leeching is done on dunday (as the name implies you have to be "dun" by "dunday"... dumbass)
Church of Porn Spam Concidered by many to be the sole reason why the world recieves "risky" mail. The leader of the Church, Curse , is known to be sending secret messages to his followers in the form of Pornstar Quotes ( Secret Pornstar Quotes ) the Gerbonian government is currently trying to outsource eradication of the Church of Porn Spam, so far the only interrested company has been The Ghostbusters!
Church of Latter day Boxer Stains (COLD-BS) A rogue faction of the Mormon church. This faction conducts alternative terrorist acts all over Gerbonia (former acts of terrorism include making a fake blog used to incriminate Cyber_Ninja and peeing in the fountain found in the center of Gallifrey) COLD-BS is funded by 24/7 Dry Cleaning vendors all around Gerbonia
[edit] Language
[edit] Examples of language
yAAr m8ey san - Hey you, im quite happy to see you old chap
Bukake Wench - A general term covering most females in Gerbonia
Swab my deck! - Could i trouble you for a biscuit Madam?
Gerbonian is a very deceitful branch (dialect) of the old latin, called cunning lingus (roughly translated as skillful tongue). However actual words tend to be used less and less, not because gerbonians are mind readers, but because the language has grown to rely increasingly on symbolism (for ex. in gerbonia you don't have to explain that you're angry, when you're carrying a bat, that you're in a hurry when you're doing 330 km/h on the highway, or that you are upset with somebody when you're having intercourse with their mother). That's one of the main reasons why gerbonians have developed a strong resourceful language, which employs fingers, elbows, legs, hammers, chains, chainsaws, tongues and even buns. Questions are never asked in Gerbonia and it is considered impolite to answer them in public. For the purpose of facilitating non-verbal communication between people, the gerbonian parliament has recently introduced a law for all the people in gerbonia to walk naked. The "Friends of the Middle-Earth" Geriatry Foundation and the "Don't Make Me Look at My Mother" Association are currently trying to rebut the law.
[edit] Gerbonia in other languages
Gerbonia pronounced by the native tongue of Denmark - "Gøbåniø"
People of Gerbonia are commonly reffered to as "Black People" by the nation of Sweden
in Romania they tell anybody they don't like "man, you look like a gerbonian" or "go to your mother's gerbonia"
[edit] History
After Operation "Kill anything on the internet" was performed by RIAA and MPAA in late 2005 rejects from west sought a new life where they could express their feelings openly. A small corner of the internet who called themself "Asgard" would come across the island we now know as Gerbonia. Shortly after the island was inhabited by "the Asgard" Pirates and Ninjas from all over the world came to seek refuge in the then small country. Gerbonia being located between South Korea and Japan, it has access to some of the worlds fastest and cheapest internet connection which ultimately lead to Gerbonia being the Piracy Capital of the World
[edit] Fauna
Gerbonia has a lush fauna which stretches from the pristine snady white beaches in the south to the never ending forrests of the north. Gerbonia is also home of some of the worlds strangest animals like the "Torrent_NooB" and the "RIAA_Informer" where the last of the two is in constant hunting season
Gerbonia also has a Penguin problem. Penguins are usually used for forced labor but some are known to escape capitivity. The Gerbonian Government has set up a series of signs telling drivers that they might be lucky and hit a penguin on the road ahead:
[edit] Women
Women are well liked and welcome in Gerbonia. Since the early days, in order to create the terrestrial paradise they had set out to and insure a sense of home, the first landing gerbonians have brought on the island long legged blonde swedish models, that to this day remain on of the biggest tourist attraction of the island.
In time, the ninjas arriving on the island have brought their own brown haired and intensely skilled asian women. Being known as 'bukake wenches', asian women have shortly managed to extend that term of endearment to the entire female population. Since the arrival of asian women the quality of life in Gerbonia has dramatically increased. The asian women have established the first university on the island, the Jenna Jameson University for skills and good manners, where little girls are initiated in dance, gymnastics, yoga, balet and carrying beer, thus growing into fully developped, independant and educated women.
Women of Gerbonia have their own patron goddesses, which are raw models in life and source of inspiration in act and thinking. Out of these, the most important are Anita Blonde, Asia Carrera and Sylvia Saint - the goddess of oral sex, from which women draw their skills and powers and to whose altars, in return, they make weekly offerings.
Gerbonian strongly discourage any sort of sexual discrimination, professional, or of any other nature. In this respect, there are actually a number jobs iin which women are preferred to men. These are cooking, washing, sowing and housecleaning. Truly, Gerbonia hasn't yet seen an unemployed woman. That doesn't mean that women are only used in such a limited number of ways. As a matter of fact, gerbonians like thier women in as many positions as they can. Being that they are a limited resource, women are fully used and passionately enjoyed.
[edit] Music
After 200 years of debating the council of elderly mothers finally agreed that Scurvey Bukake would be Gerbonias national anthem. Forced pinguin labor is often heard singing it in the fields
While the Gerbonian citizens dont have any moral issues about stealing other peoples music they are also themself quite musical. A group of the original citizens of Gerbonia frequently tour the country with their band Asspower to the amuzement of the masses
The people of Gerbonia also enjoy the soothing rhythms of the love scenes in PiratesXXX (which was the biggest blockbuster in Gerbonian history)
[edit] Travel Information
Gerbonia is a lovely place to visit and is by many renown by its sandy white beaches and imported swedish pleasure girls. Gerbonia is located between South Korea and Japan ( Click for map ) Gerbonia has an airport located centrally on the island and south and north are linked with a highway ( Click for map )
[edit] Political parties
It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent government stops and the rest of society begins, but it is mainly concerned with Education, although Healthcare is secondary priorities. The Gerbonian senate is currently made up of 2 major parties: The Red Tape Order of Shaolin Ninja Debators and The Scallywagging Pirate Leechers Since the Gerbonian population is made entirely up of either Pirates or Ninjas, Pirates_versus_Ninjas, Gerbonia is a divided behind these two Political Parties. Every 4 years an election is held to vote on who is better than who. The Pirates have won the last 8 years meaning that Pirates > Ninjas the Ninja partie has sworn that next year they will win. The slave labor Penguins in Gerbonia have long wanted their own political party. So far this has been rudely refused by the government. This has meant that self Vigilant half Gnu half Penguin heros have taken it their responsibility to fight for Penguin rights.
“I'm going to fucking bury those guys, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill the Gerbonian Government.”
~ Steve Ballmer on the Gerbonian Government
[edit] National sports
One of the main sports in Gerbonia is hunting. After careful reviewing of the national fauna, scientists have concluded that the best suited for this increasingly clever occupation would be the two national sacred animals: the valiant rabbit and the graceful drinking canary.
The drinking canary is a bird that can't hold its liquor. It is usually found around pubs or taverns, where it will sing dirty songs for beer. It likes to get drunk and when it does it grows quarrelsome and likely to put himself through embarassing situations, pick up fights and curse a lot. That makes it easy to spot, but dangerous to hunt. That's why the drinking canary is best hunted in big crowds. The best spot in the country for the hunt is obviously Canary Row, located in the center of the city of Curse. Hunters from all over the country gather around there, in an irregular circle, forming a crowd around a central hunting spot. There they silently wait for the canary, which arrives unsuspectingly and lands in the middle of the circle. To make it look less suspicious, all the hunters are wearing feathers and the canary is usually greeted there by one of his drinking buddies, called a Brutus. A most important role in the hunt is assigned to the man that must scare the canary - he is called the Fly Canary, since the canary once scared begins to fly around chaotically in circles within the middle of the hunters' circle. During all this time, hunters shot him al full leisure. The winner is declared the survivor and is eversince responsible for providing milk and surstromming to the widows of the victims of the hunt, in exchange for kind words and a little ass every now and then. However a new law introduced by the Association of Pub Owners in Gerbonia forbbids the hunting of a canary that hasn't settled its outstanding debts with the pubs.
Rabbits are considered sacred in Gerbonia and are not hunted on holidays. They are hunted with low caliber bazookas with heat seeking missiles.
Both animals are hunted on horseback. As Oscar Wilde him self said: "Sometimes the horse is the best friend of a hunter's ass". And Oscar knows about ass.
Another appreciated sport is catching an ass with both hands. Gerboians usually use their own asses. Catching somebody else's ass may be regarded as sexual harassment.
Recently after much fuss in Gerbonia the Gerbonian public has made it clear to the rules of Gerbonia that in pure spite to the rest of the world (exept Norway) Whaling should not only be allowed, but encouraged.
