Gerry Adams

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Gerry Adams

Gerry Adams aka Jorry Odoms or That beardy bastard is well renown as the former winner of the Nobel Prize for "Being Catholic and Wearing a Silly Beard" prize, being head of the SAS and puppeteer for George Bush.

Background[edit]

Born to the famous beard farmer Adam Adams and previous leader of the Basque seperatist organisation ETA Jerry Belly he was always going to do something to do with sheep and explosives so it came as no surprise when he was entered into the 1980 Olympics for the 200m breaststroke sheepdip firebomb, narrowly coming 2nd to a young Ayman al-Zawahiri.

Side Projects[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Gerry Adams.

Gerry has also taken time out of his busy non-terrorist schedule to create the puppet-action documentary series The Thunderbirds. About birds. That are thunderous. Hence the title.

He is now having to put up with asians, currently happily married to Martin McGuinness and they both live happily on the Isle of Man-Love.

Gerry is one of the founding members of the Federation of Nations that hate Britain. However, in 2006, he handed over his presidency, to spend more time with his husband, and three children - Gerry Kelly, Bairbre Baboon and Patrick Kielty.

Religion and Nobel Prizes[edit]

Early in 1985 he was shopping for toads when he came across a religion shop. Asking advice from the assistant she recommended either Islamic Fundamentalism or Catholic Fundamentalism. Through a rigourous process of "eeny meeny miney mo" he chose Catholic Fundamentalism and his path was set. It was about this time his father died and he thought he should keep up the family heritary line of silly beards. 7 years went by and it was only then he felt that he could announce the marvels of his follicled jocularity, he made an appearance on the German television show "Frauen mit großen Brüsten servieren Bier in großen Krügen" (Girls With Tits Serving Big Jugs of Beer) and from then on he was known for his excellent facial haired antics.

In June of that year he was nominated (along with ZZ Top, Ivan the Terrible and God for the "Being Catholic and Wearing a Silly Beard" Nobel prize, winning by 13 votes he was assured a lifetime of "Just For Men" advertising money but he had other things on his mind...

Illness[edit]

After having a spell cast on him by the wicked witch Margaret Thatcher, Adams fell ill losing the ability to synchronise his mouth movements with his voice. At times the illness also caused his voice to change between hilarious accents from day-to-day. The illness spread like a virus to a number of his colleagues. The spell was lifted some years later by that bloke, whose name no one can remember (not Thatcher), who preceded Tony Blair.

The Future[edit]

Death by rectal trauma

Gerry Adams has been identified by Hugh Orde as a potential third anti-Christ. His immediate rejection of this assertion has made it all the more plausible in the eyes of some, as has the lack of evidence to support it, and he is expected to re-enact the book of Revelations once his six month decontamination period is finished. A united Ireland will ensue.

The IMC has recently stated that Adams plans to tie Michael McDowell's shoe laces together and is likely to break his Lent if any one of the four army bases on his street is removed.