Ghost train

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A ghost train

“Sounds awfully close...”

~ Winston Zeddmore on Ghost trains

“I'll believe it when I see it. Until then I'll just have to not believe it and sit here and wait.”

~ Harrison Ford on Ghost trains

The Ghost Train is a magical apparition that sometimes appears after dark in Melbourne, Australia. Commuters awaiting train services when the deep and dark night has fallen often hear a ghostly "tooo000ooot" in the distance, and nearby residents, such as the Cock Zero poster girl, report to hearing the train pull up at the station. Commuters look up and down the platform, but no train is there, and no train ever comes. The only explanation? A ghost train.

History of the Ghost Train[edit]

The Ghost Train was born[edit]

After Casper, the ghost, turned Wendy's body into a ghost, he married her and had a girl ghost, which they named Dairy Queen.

It was love at first sight-Thomas, the tank engine and Dairy Queen knew they would be best for one another, but when they tried reproducing, certain parts didn't fit. So Wendy's body took the form of a train and turned Thomas into one. Thomas stuck his ...what? I'm just saying train attachment!... into Wendy's train attachment and in 666 days, the first ghost train was born.

Ghost Trains today[edit]

Some scholars and market-gardeners say that the founder of Melbourne is responsible for the spooky ghost train apparitions. Old people everywhere recall the Ghost Train as an apparition of whimsy and merriment that brightened up their dull Anglo-Saxon lives during the war, like a tuppenny strumpet showing her ankles. Exactly which war, they cannot remember. The Ghost train is often called the "Soooul train".


Google Earth shows the Ghost Train originating in south-central Tajikistan, while Google Hearth shows the Ghost Train originating in an open fireplace. Both maps plot its course as going past Anstey Station at 1:16 AM Monday to Friday, and terminating at the hidden platform 14 at Flinders Street, where a bunch of emos presumably get on, light some candles, and cry. Much like Tajikistan.

Ghost Trains also run on a frequent basis from London - Edinburgh via Leeds every 13 minutes.

Speeds of up to 890mph where recorded on the slowest ghost train of record which was doin a daytime service down to London.


Genetic analyses of train tracks have led to the hypothesis that the train is piloted by a swarm of angry Drosophila calling themselves "The Mendel", allegedly named after the laboratory from which they escaped.