Gifted Legs Federation
The Gifted Legs Federation, founded in 1801 by Jimmy McCartney (father of Paul), is basically like MENSA for legs. It's totally unique. Totally Federal.
The structure of the GLF is as follows:
The Lower (also known as The Shins)
These are the people at the bottom of the pyramid of influence. Roughly 65% of the GLF fall into this group and most stay here for 5 - 10 years. The likes of Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester United) and Shakin' Stevens (Shakin Stevens) will be the exception to the rule and do the quadrilateral bounce up to the next level of influence but these cases are rare. The ceremonial attire at this level is modest, usually just a white feathered scarf with matching cream boots and gloves. This is the level that all female members must remain.
The Mid Section (known as the nosferatu burundis)
These are the dudes that matter. The wolf pack, the velvet suits, the mighty thighs. They pack a mean punch but with legs. The nosferatu burundis handle all media and press conferences. They decide on punishments for The lower (shins) and are the messengers for The lower levels to The Upper levels. The Lower may only speak to The Upper levels during ceremonies and at public events, such as fundraising, children in need etc. The nosferatu burundis wear huge medallions known as The Medallions of the sphere of warmth. They have been referred to as the meat and veg of the GLF and wear tights all year round.
The Upper Babes (AKA The Priests of the Southern body AKA The babes)
Heading towards the top of the pyramid of influence, The Upper Babes are typically aged 50 and over and have spent roughly 20-30 years in the GLF. They get final say on membership and are 'the priests' of the cermonies. They wear golden robes and shades and can make members at the bottom of the pyramid do absolutely anything. It is thought that there are around 20 babes at any single time. Usually there is fierce competition amongst the dominant babes over who becomes The One.
The One (AKA The Buttercup Sensei AKA The Sensei)
This is the head of the GLF. The One must be carried at all times by The Mid Section. Originally Jimmy McCartney filled the role but was controversially ousted by The Upper Babes of the 1830's. James Brown was the most recent Sensei but he dead now. The next Buttercup Sensei will be cast in June 07.
The role of The One is simply to do nothing but be The One. The One wears make up at ceremonies but nobody is allowed to look at him.
Gatherings and Events
The GLF holds a bi-annual gathering nicknamed Legga Legga Loco where all its members perform a rehearsed dance on a massive stage. Ordinary members of the public arent allowed in and neither are cameras. Tradition is taken very seriously.It is here that any new members are initiated.
The Nature Of The Dance
Some elements of the dance are closely guarded secrets but one thing that is commonly known is that upper body movement must be kept to a minimum whilst performing the dance. The dance is always followed by a freestlye section where people can express themselves freely.
High Profile Members
In alphabetical order.