Seven Golden Virtues

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The Seven Golden Virtues are the central core mechanic behind the 14-step program known in the Western world as Christianity (in the Eastern world, the Gospels literally translate into a recipe for three bean salad).

And the Virtues are...[edit]

Virtue Meaning
Prudence Proper judgement of reasons for action with regard to appropriateness in a context. Fortunately, this context is usually limited to church meetings; abortion clinics, MSNBC employees, and wolves and gays running free are open-game.
Justice Proper judgement regarding individual human interests, rights and deserts. You know. Like stoning people for working on Sunday. Getting stoned has never sucked so hard, but it is more fun to be sucked so hard while stoned.
Restraint or Temperance See prudence.
Courage or Fortitude The ability to confront fear or uncertainty. Usually accomplished by prayer and fasting, or by cursing and overeating. Then God confronts them with a Shoryuken. That's how it seems in the Old Testament. In more recent history, God has decided to confront his enemies with images on toast, doors, salt stains and deformed children (and salt stains on deformed children).
Faith Being steadfast in their belief. This virtue is practised most often, but mostly by Rastafari and Discordians.
Hope Expectation of good. Except expecting for the blond bombshell, Jesus, to return and end the world. And damning people to Hell. And that whole stoning thing from earlier... You know, I'm starting to wonder...
Love or Charity Except for outsiders, Muslims, Jews, Gays, small shrubs, other Christians, you...

See Also[edit]


The Seven Deadly Sins

Greed - Wrath - Gluttony - Pornography - Envy - Indifference - SPAM

How can you even think of such things?