Goat rape

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Causes[edit]

Goat rape is the rape of humans by goats, or vice versa. In the former case it happens when people don't sterilize their goats, feed their goats crack, dance on a table while juggling empty soup cans, or fart too loudly at night. In the latter, it simply happens when people are drunk, desperate and horny, of have been huffing chickens.

Risks[edit]

Humans who are raped by goats will develop a glue-sniffing habit, stop talking, have difficulty passing gas, or develop a ridiculous fear of goats. Goats who are raped by humans, however, will suffer far greater after-effects. Some may even commit suicide or become insurance salesmen.

In both cases, STDs can and will result, even if the rapist uses a condom. Last year, a total of 420 cases of herpes were reported from goat rape alone.

If one is impregnated immediatly have an abortion. A similar incident happened in the '60's when a Bear mated with a Human and made what we know as Chewbacca

Prevention[edit]

Humans[edit]

  • Don't go out walking alone if you know there are crazy goats in the area.
  • Carry mace, pepper spray, or garlic powder. Goats hate garlic.
  • Don't anger any goats.
  • Wear pants. Walking around without pants entices goats.
  • Keep any and all aluminum cans hidden from sight.
  • Don't fart too loudly.
  • Have your goats castrated.
  • Tape aluminum cans or old cereal boxes to your butt at all times, goats love to eat cans and old boxes, and will be distracted long enough for you to flee and alert the authorities.
  • Hang a mirror on your butt. The goats will think you're simply another goat, and lose interest.

Goats[edit]

  • Stay away from people who are drunk, horny and desperate, or have been huffing chickens.
  • Get castrated.
  • Superglue...it has many uses.

Cure[edit]

If it's too late, there are a number of treatment centers you can go to for help. Do not tell anyone what happened to you. If anyone seen what happened kill them and dump their body some where on a farm.

If your goat has been raped[edit]

Hide any and all sharp objects, pills, weapons, and insurance booklets from the goat's reach to prevent tragedy. Have a cinder block ready to drop on its stomach to perform an at home abortion.

People who have been raped by goats[edit]

Known goat rapists[edit]

Not to be confused with[edit]