Johann van der Fart
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“Your habits are disgusting but no match for mine!”
~ Your mum
Johann van der Fart is a Dutchman whose life was covered in the documentary Austin Powers in Poopmember. He lost his genitalia in an unfortunate eating accident, and since then has been known as Poopmember. He schpeakes with a Dutch accent.
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[edit] Fascination with poop
Johann has an odd fascination with poop. As quoted from him:
"I love pooooop! Ze look of it...Ze taste of it...Ze schmell of it...Ze texture. I loved poop so much, I even lost my genitalia in an unforchunate eating accident...Hence ze name...Poopmember."
He also claims he likes his faeces fresh.
[edit] Other anatomical differences
Johann is very flexible, and can stretch around to lick his anus. This is important to him as he likes his poop custard nice and warm. It was during one of these expeditions that he missed and ingested his reproductive equipment, giving him his nickname. He also has a disgusting habit of drinking his own urine, which, as you all will agree, is far more gruesome than his fascination with poop.
[edit] Pre-Austin History
Not much is known about Johann before he crossed swords with Austin. He was a circus freak for some time, advertising himself as the human toilet. He quit after one of his 'customers' had tapeworm. With the money he earned from his act, Johann built his own waste treatment plant. The type of filter he used is lost in the sands of time, although some might suspect that he used the biological mouth filter, a revolutionary design at that time.
[edit] Stuff that was covered in the documentary
[edit] Invention of the 'toilet beam'
In the year 1975, Johann designed a 'toilet beam', capable of clogging all the world's toilets causing a global flood. Dr. Evil was so impressed with it, he decided to travel back in time to contact him. He brought Johann forward to the 21st century so he could build his machine using modern equipment.
[edit] Holding the world hostage
After a bungled attempt by Austin's fahza to destroy the toilet beam, Johann and Dr. Evil sent out their 'ransom dialogue' to the UN. It went something like this:
In 2002, world domination was beginning.
UN leader: What happen?
Girlfriend: Somebody set us up the plumbing.
Boyfriend: We get signal.
Boyfriend: Main screen turn on.
Johann: How are you, gentlemen?
Johann: All your toilets are belong to us.
Johann: You are on the way to bedwetting.
Johann: You have no chance to urinate so make your time.
UN Leader: What you say???
Girlfriend: Sir!
UN Leader: Lauch every Austin.
UN Leader: I know you don't know what you doing.
UN Leader: Move Austin.
UN Leader: For Great Justice.
