Goofy

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“Give me your boots, your clothes and your motorcycle”

~ The Terminator on Goofy

“I didn't say I wanted a divorce because Minnie had big teeth, I said she was f*cking Goofy!”

~ Mickey Mouse on Punchlines to old jokes


Goofy Heinrich Himmler just after building Mauschwitz.

Goofy Heinrich Himmler (February 3, 1919 - December 22, 2003) better known simply as Goofy, was a government agent during the "Reign of the Rat", founding the "Final Solution", and building Mauschwitz. He was among the first to join Mickey Mouse the Great before the famous coup d'etat.


Early Years[edit]

Goofy was born in Los Olivos, California in 1919. He was brought up on a walnut farm in abusive conditions, and was frequently beaten by his alcoholic father, Hal Himmler, for failing to do his chores. Goofy's mother died around 1932 from a drug overdose, possibly deliberate. In 1933, at the age of 14, he ran away from home and spent three years as a drifter before he landed a steady job working as a waiter in his uncle's diner in Burbank, California. When the United States entered the war in 1941, Goofy attempted to enlist in the army, seeking military glory as a way to validate his existence, but was denied entry due to a weakness in the loins.

In early 1946, Goofy's life changed when Pinocchio, a friend of his and a member of the American Disneyist Organisation, introduced him to one of the movement's leaders, Mickey Mouse (later Mickey Mouse the Great). Goofy was immediately taken by Mickey's zealous beliefs and powerful rhetorical abilities, and swiftly joined the movement, becoming one of Mickey's closest followers. In 1951, at the behest of Mickey, Goofy became the head of the organization's small paramilitary wing.

"Reign of the Rat"[edit]

After Mickey Mouse established himself as ruler of Disneyland in January 1956, he appointed Goofy Minister of Homeland Security. Goofy Himmler created the "Final Solution" for all of those who opposed Mickey Mouse the Great. He created the TS (Toonstaffel) to be the Toony Elite, and to spy on people that he felt were enemies of the state. Those who were deemed dangerous to security were sent to Mauschwitz and other such places of forced labor. Several early leaders of the Disney Party were labelled as a threat to Mouse the Great's authority and were among the millions who died in Mauschwitz.

Goofy at the scene of Peg-Leg Pete's tragic "piano moving" accident.

Goofy notoriously became involved with Peg Pete during the 1960s. Their relationship was kept secret from the public, but Goofy made her the star of his propaganda series, Goof Troop. After fleeing Disneyland in 1970, Goofy would communicate with Peg by mail, but broke off all communication in 1975 as he believed she was attempting to reveal his hiding place in order to claim the large bounty on his head.

Post Mouse Years[edit]

After Mickey Mouse the Great's death in April 1970, Goofy made an attempt to seize the government; however, he waited too long, not making his move until April 30, by which time Admiral Donald Duck had assembled a military junta to prevent a civil uprising. Donald's troops were able to kill and capture virtually all of Goofy's loyal Toonstaffel, and Donald himself signed a warrant for Goofy's arrest on May 2nd. In the early hours of May 3rd, Goofy was smuggled across the border by a few of his remaining loyal supporters, and some time later that month, left for Argentina by plane.

Goofy was sighted numerous times during his time in exile, and a huge reward was offered by the Disneyland government, which led to a number of near escapes for the buck-toothed fugitive.

Capture and suicide[edit]

A tip-off to the DSS (Disneyland Secret Service) in September 2002 revealed the 83-year-old Goofy to be living with his adult children in a modest farmhouse on the Argentina-Paraguay border. DSS forces quickly assembled and raided the farmhouse late at night on November 30, 2002. Instead of retaliating, Goofy surrendered to the troops and was placed into custody. A panel of doctors found him fit to stand trial, and he was transported back to Disneyland to be tried for his crimes against humanity while in charge of Mauschwitz.

A year later, on December 5th, one week before his trial was set to begin, Goofy was found asphyxiated in his cell in the maximum security facility. He was resuscitated, but fell into a coma. He would remain in a coma until he passed away on the morning of December 22 at the age of 84.

The subsequent investigation into his death determined that Goofy had intentionally ingested chlorine, leading to his asphyxia. Because of his death Goofy can not be tried for his crimes under Disneyland jurisdiction.

He left behind 16 kids : Goofy JR., Henry Himmler, Sally Himmler, Samuel Himmler, Penny Himmler, Christy Himmler, Christopher Himmler, Ginger Himmler, Freddrick Himmler, Gerald Himmler, Tammy Himmler, Mya Himmler, James Himmler, Angie Himmler, Shirley Himmler, and Michael Himmler. Goofy Jr. serves on the California Adventure council, where he represents the Sunshine Plaza.

Children Mothers:

                 Annie (First Wife) - Goofy JR
                 Lita (wife) - Henry, Christy, & Gerald
                 Jane - Sally, Penny, & James
                 Monica - Samuel
                 Jazmine - Christopher, Ginger, & Freddrick
                 Lauren - Tammy, & Mya
                 Carol - Angie, & GOD
                 Sarah - Shirley, & Michael

Legacy[edit]

Several millions of lives were lost as a result of Goofy and his "Final Sollution". By destroying Mouse the Great's political enemies Goofy may have prolonged his reign for several years. Goofy's ruthless tactics have also served as an inspiration to countless totalitarian regimes in the world.

See also[edit]