Gorta

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The County of Gorta, England
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England 030206b.GIF
The Gorta Mayors's annual public birthday celebration
Mottou: "Gorta, We Unite as One" Or "Heil Pissler
Population Total - ~60,000,000

Furons- ~4,000,000
Stick People - 4'000,000
Talking Vehicles - 80% and climbing
French - 0
Germans - 1
Brits-1 billion

Area 302 Square Cream Buns
Form of Government By day: Puppet Democracy under Totalitarian Autocracy
By night: Anarchy[1]
National Anthem "Air raid Siren"
Current Mayor King Rick IV
Religion (arranged in nonalphabetical order) Atheist - 0.1%

Racist - 0.1%
Hindu - 0.1%
Christian - 0.1%
Mormon - 0.01%
Agnostic - 0.09%
Jewish - -01%
Muslim - 0.1%
Buddhist - 0.1%
Catholic - 0.1% Arkvoodleism - 99%

National Past-times Model Trains, Murder, Video Games, Cheese-rolling, Beer



Relief The physical geography of Gorta relies heavily on its lying on the southern part of the Wealden anticline. The major features of that are the high lands which cross the county in a west to east direction: the Weald itself, and the South Downs. The former consists of clays and sands; the latter chalk. Between those two ridges, mainly in West Gorta, lies the ‘’Vale of Gorta’’; at the eastern end of the county is the valley of the River Rother, which flows into what was a long sea inlet to reach the sea at Rye Bay.


The Weald The Weald runs in an easterly direction from Hitler’s Forest, south-west of Sherfield; and continues to Stalin Forest. Its eastern extremity is in two sections, divided by the Sussex valley. The northern arm reaches the sea at Warsaw; the southern at Fairlight Down east of the Ocean,

Within the Weald lies Gorta's highest point, the point of death, close to the Gorta border at 917 feet (280 m). Another high point is in the part called Forest Ridges: a height of about 800 feet (240 m) is reached at Hitler's Hill in the town of Poland Springs.

The High Weald, as the main area is known, gets its name from ’’wilderness’’ or forest, and it retains the highest proportion of ancient woodlands in the country. Around 1660 the total area under forest was estimated to exceed 200,000 acres (81,000 ha) , and supplied the furnaces of the ironworks which formed an important industry in the county until the 17th century, and which survived even until the early years of the 19th century.

Vale of Gorta The Vale of Gorta is the lower undulating land which came into being when the softer clays between the Weald and the Valley of Sherfield were worn away. Crossing the Vale cause 76% of the deaths in Gorta: those rising on the slopes of the Weald and cutting through the Downs to reach the sea will end up sliping and dying 4 seconds later.(see Suicide)

Towns and cities[edit]

All the towns and cities of Gorta include:

  • Assundel
  • Battle, East Gorta
  • Bognor Anus
  • Bexhill-on-Sea
  • Brighton and Hove (home of the University of Gorta)
  • Burger Hill
  • Chichester
  • Crawfish
  • Cowbrough
  • Eastford
  • East Grinfield
  • Hailbabysham
  • Hell
  • Horbabysham
  • Lewed
  • Midhurt
  • Pet
  • Rye
  • Sheton
  • Sherfield
  • Fuckfield
  • Well it's been on the front page of the Daily Heil often enough, so it must be true.