Goth
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The Goths were a violent East Germanic tribe of barbarians who proved to be a great nuisance for the Roman Empire from from the 1970s to 1990s, primarily with their bad taste in music and dark eyeliner.
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[edit] Origins And Early History
The origins of the Goths and their enemies the Emos, is described by Michael Jordanes in his 'Gothica':
"You surely remember that in the beginning I said the Goths went forth from the bosom of the island of Gothisatani with Berik, their king, sailing in only three ships toward the hither shore of Ocean, namely to Raidgothikland. One of these three ships proved to be slower than the others, as is usually the case, causing the crew of that ship to burst into hysterical whining, and thus is said to have given the Emo tribe, the whimpy brother of the Gothic tribe, their name, from in their language "Imawuss" which means 'Miserables Degenerates'".
Once in their new homes - the Goths soon lost what little unity they had and became bitter rivals trying to prove that their group were 'True Goths' and the others were really Crap-Saddo Couturists.
By the 1990s the Goths were divided into separate sub-tribes; the Romantigoths lived in Victorian England, the Deathrockigoths lived in their local club, The Tradi-Goths living in The Great Batcave (Infamous for their big hair and pointy boots), Pagan-Goths living in Lalalond, Fail-Goths living in Eva O and the Minigothic kingdom was made in China. Two other Goth groups - the Ruritanigoths or Ostrogoths - who later ended up in Ruritania ( Ostrogothreich in Ruritanische)) - and the Visagoths who eventually moved to Spain to work in bars serving 'Sangria Azul' - Blue Blood Wine. A bit rare these days - most restaurants only provide the familiar Sangria Rosa - so remember to ask next time you are there. These Visagoths are sometimes hard to spot as they usually wear summery clothes to 'fit in' but if they have black eyeliner or studs through their lips you'll know them - they are the most secretive Goths but remember to check if they have valid Visas.
[edit] Kinds of Goths in Gothic society
There are several types of goths in the different tribes:
1. Gawff- the common status of Goths, and by far the most numerous. Are usually farmers of gawffmuffins, a which is their main source of trade.
2.Gothic Warriors - The backbone of the Gothic military force, they often spend their time battling Mallgoths or the Prepæ and especially Chavi, often by leaving their local nightclub home and invading a Mall.
3. Übergoths - These are the true patriots of the Gothic way. They will dress to the nines just to go out to get some milk at 2 in the morning (however, this is not early for them as Übergoths do not need to sleep. They survive on a combination of black coffee, cigarettes and narcotics). They are the nobility of the Gothic peoples.
4. Eldergoths and the Goði - These ancient ones where often once Übergoths, and usually date back to the Mid or early 80s, the oldest of whom even go back to the late 70s. They usually don't leave their castles and live wise hermit-like lives, writing poetry as well as reading Poe and Lovecraft, hiding the beergut acquired from their younger clubbing ways. When the Gothic nations face great turmoil it is them who all will turn to for their wise advice.
5. Goths do not believe in 5 as their God Wodanaz does not like it...for some reason.
6. Kindergoths - Kindergoth is the name for a child in the Gothic lands; they are sometimes affectionately known as Baby Bats. Kindergoths usually show great promise some day but in their naive youth often listen to crappy Industrial or Metal. However usually their Goth parent will steer them in the right direction: the leis of Bauhaus II, the epic sagas of Rozzaric Wilhelms The Christian Death-Bringer and SoM. Sometimes also called Sexgang Children, as a deragatory term. Young Goths can also be referred to as Über-Kindergoths if they are at an age where they fight in battle.
7. Spʉkikids - Often when a Kindergoths is in his teenage years he still cannot escape from the clutches of Poseur-dom, which usually results in a teenager masquerading that they are listening to The Mission UK, when in actuality they are listening to Cradle of Filth.
8. Week-olds or New-Bloods - the derogatory name given to new Goths in the beginning of a transition or that look like they have only been 'Goth' for a week. This is acceptable for Kindergoths and is considered for all extensive purposes, to be 'cute'. However when they reach a certain age Goths can be shunned for looking like this.
9) Invisigoths- Shadowy Goths that no one seems to notice; the spies of the Gothic tribes.
10) Butter Troll- A lardass subspecies of goth, known for the smell of Cheetos and failure. The Butter Troll is the secret weapon of the Gothic hordes - when unleashed the Butter Troll will eat anything in its path...including other Goths!
[edit] Mallgoths
Most historians believe the first Mallgoths may have been descended from the Romantigoths, and have brought much shame to the Romantigoths with this theory. These Mallgoths where groups of young rebellious Kindergoths and Spʉkikids who did not heed the word of the wise old Eldergoths. They had a violent revolution which resulted in the death of King Rozzaric Wilhelms The Christian Death-Bringer. Outraged the Gothic peoples banded together and drove out all of these "rebels" dubbing them posers and branding their buttocks with the letter P. These posers would wonder the lands for a whole 10 minutes before stumbling upon a mall. In that mall they lived, eating from the food courts and preying on unsuspecting Hollister shoppers. Soon they found refuge in a store called Hot Topic. Their kings arose, all form the great Metal and Industrial bands. Soon The Mallgoth lord Marilynatharic of Manson arose. Marilynatharic is the king of the Mallgoths to this day, and has been for 15 long years. Some say that Marilynatharic is undying, and shall forever. He urges peoples from the neighbouring Kingdodms to hop on board with whatever is trendy with the angst-ridden Mallgoths, and then pay him tribute so he can feed his vast fortune.
The Mallgoths can be identified by their Hot Topic attire, often Baggy Tripp pants and sneakers as opposed to the leather/vinyl/PVC and pointy boots of the true Goths of the past. They are also fond of beanies, usually commemorating the former Mallgoth King HIM, as well as makeup. They are known to put ridiculous amounts of poorly applied make up on, often in attempt to mimick The Crow, a hero from the Gothic sagas. This dates back to the era when those Kindergoths and Spʉkikids where being raised, and The Crow was instilled in them by true Goths like the great Goði Jamelanic Obarracar at a young age. They can often commonly be seen wearing tee shirts dedicated to Nu-Metal and Industrial bands like Slipknot, and Combichrist, who they will claim is Goth but is actually from another tribe entirelly.
The following is a chart explaining the difference between Goth, and Mallgoth/Mallcore/Cyber/FauxEmo
| Goth | Mallgoth/Mallcore | FauxEmo | Cyber |
| Smokes Cloves | Claims to do pot and brags about it on the internet | Claims to be "Straight Edge" | Injects self because they saw it on VF |
| Wears Pointy Boots or knee high platform boots | Wears obnoxiously large boots under Tripp Pants | Wears Vans and or Converses | Wears obnoxiously large PVC boots |
| Listens to Bauhaus and SoM | Listens to MM and HIM | Listens to Hawthorne Heights and other shit | Listens to obscure and awful EBM techno shit (and calls it Industrial) |
| Has teased Robert Smith esque hair or a Deathhawk | Is wearing a HIM beany | Has some lame outdated fringe | Is always wearing obnoxious huge colourful fake Cyberdreads |
| Wears finely applied makeup | Wears ridiculous amounts of awful make up in Crow or CoF patterns | Eyeliner (so 2005 amirite?) | Wears huge ridiculous looking Goggles |
| Wears Fishnets or Homemade Christian Death or Siouxsie shirts | Wears KoRn and Evanescance Tee shirts bought from Hot Topic | Also wears shitty post-hardcore band shirts bought from Hot Topic | Wears whatever "FuckTheMainstream" is selling as a shirt |
| Wears Pleather or Leather pants, much like Daniel Ash | Wears Stupid looking Tripp Pants | Wears super tight hot topic jeans | Also wears stupid Tripp Pants with pointless amounts of chains |
| Is obsessed with Rozz Williams and Andrew Eldritch | Is obsessed with Marilyn Manson and Ville Valo | Is obsessed with Gerard Way | Is obsessed with Tim Skold |
| Evolved from punk in the late 70s and really died in the 90s, but comes back every several years | Was the result of Goth bands not being in the mainstream, but Goth stereotypes remaining in the mainstream. Reached hieght in late 90s/early 2000s. | Resulted from a bunch of fame craving cunts who sold out, and then had their corporate label use some random genre name, and picked Emotive Hardcore which died in the 90s, and used it to get stupid teenagers to buy their shit. Died somewhere around 2008 but we got the Scene kids, almost as bad. | Resulted from Goth losing it's touch in the 90s so a bunch of people played EBM to draw more people in, and the poor little children got confused. And then started Vampirefreaks.com.
[edit] Culture Gothic culture is notorious for its themes of dark and macabre humor, fashion, and music, the latter which was very prominent in Gothic culture. Many historians have described Gothic culture as having a dark romanticism theme to it and being very creepy overall. Black attire, often which also has spikes, are casually worn by both men and women. Dark colored clothing has an apparent sexual appeal in Gothic culture, and could include anyone in black, whether it is male or female. Dark eyeliner was also very popular amongst both sexes in Gothic culture, as was the color Blood Red. Loud, heavy music consisting of Goth/Batcave/Deathrock/Gothic Rock/Darkwave/Horror Punk/Psychobilly/Gothabilly is favorable to the Goths, as well as anything considered dark and creepy or of a Gothic theme. Goths are known for having a diverse religion, varying from Heathenism, and Atheism, Zoroastrianism and even Aryan Christianity. They were noted as having a cultural fixation with silver symbols of the Agnostic/Pagan/Satanic/Wiccan varieties.  [edit] Role of women in Gothic society Gothic women sometimes spend months corsets, and other clothing for one event. They are also known to spend thousands of dollars on one pair of boots. They share a common trait with modern women in that for any event of n hours in length, they will take at least 2n hours to prepare, dress, and get made-up for it. [edit] IndividualityIndividuality does exist in Gothic cultures; however, non-Goths will find it hard to spot. There are thousands of Gothic tribes out there that dress in only black and to everyone other than the Goths themselves they all look fairly similar to each other. Attire for females is usually big wannabe Siouxsie Sioux hair, torn black jeans or black skirt, fishnet or red and black stockings, massive black commando boots (or possible long pointy boots made for kicking poseurs in the crotch) and some sort of random word or picture sewed onto the SoM band shirt they all wear. Male Goths do not look and sound the same as their female counterparts (unlike the Emos), they generally wear black, and they usually have medium-long hair (often done in some outrageous style or another), along with spiked dog collars and large, heavy, studded arm braces or wimpy spiked bracelets that keep slipping off because they bought them too big, but were to lazy to go back and exchange them. Swords and saxes are also worn. Both sexes may also have a Deathhawk or Devillock of somekind. Gothic society is more uniformed than individual; however, Gothic nobility and clergy usually dress in finer clothes than their vassals.  [edit] FearsGoths fear no man and death in battle is an honour. Their major enemies are the Chavi tribe and the Emoæ tribe, whom they have come in conflict with many times. One such battle with the Chavi resulted in the death of the Gothic King Manseric I and the Chavi King Howman II. Goths, living in a tribe based on great deeds and winnings, fear disgrace. A disgraced Goth will usually sacrifice himself to the Gothic Gods, kill himself, sell himself into slavery or leave the Gothic tribe and become a ranger in Middle-Earth. A good example of the Gothic fear of dishonour is the tale of Plastaric. Plastaric was "a most warlike little bugger" who eventually commits suicide, facing the aggression of the Alansheari and of the Hungrihippos, who invaded his territories. [edit] ReligionAlthough all religions have adherents among the Gothic people, Goths also have one uniquely their own. Its a form of ancestor worship centered around the great Goth kings, who are considered Gods. The most prominent deity would be Rozzaric Wilhelms, the Christian Death-Bringer. This religion also has its own clergy, the great Goði. These Goth priests can be recognized by their hats (usually top hats) which they never take of. Unknown to most this is to commemorate the self sacrifice with which they kept dying and teasing their hair until it would grow no more. All for the greater glory of the Goth kings legacy. Unlike medieval monks Goth priests never show this spot, cause vanity is one of the virtues they value most. These people are important to Gothic society as the great make-up sessions and piercings are overseen by them. The reigning Goth king always has a Goði high priest as an adviser. At this moment the seat of the Gothic high priest is filled by Franciscus the Baptist. He was selected because of the shiny quality of his honored bald spot. [edit] Religious feastsThe most important religious feast in the Goth religion in the yearly pilgrimage to Leipzig. There they congregate with many other tribes, both friendly and hostile. They lay down before in worship before the Goth kings of past and present. And pit their skills against each other in the arts of showing of. When its hot weather the Goth chick with the outfit with the most fabric and has the biggest hoop skirt is usually considered the winner. [edit] Gothic BibleContrary to the belief of some recent scholars, Goths are not afraid of the Bible; in fact a Bible translation in Gothic does exist:
atta unsar þu in himinam, weihnai namo þein. qimai þiudinassus þeins. wairþai wilja þeins, swe in himina jah ana airþai. hlaif unsarana þana sinteinan gif uns himma daga. jah aflet uns þatei skulans sijaima, swaswe jah weis afletam þaim skulam unsaraim. jah ni briggais uns in fraistubnjai, ak lausei uns af þamma ubilin; unte þeina ist þiudangardi jah mahts jah wulþus in aiwins. amen. [edit] ExterminationThe only way to exterminate a goth, is to transform them into a prep or a Chav, their arch-enemies. Other than that they are invincible in battle. NOTE: Be cautious when approaching a goth; even though some of them may look very similar to Emos, the main difference is this; if you punch a Gothic tribesman, they will hunt you down and perform a blood-eagle on your back, whereas an Emo will chase you down and make you watch as they cut themselves while moaning like a bitch. [edit] The Great Gothic KingsBelow is a list of the most famous and fiercest Gothic leaders. All Gothic kings acted as priests and generals to the Gothic nation. The list stretches from the reign of the first Kings Berik and Bauhaus I, who led their people from the island of Gothisatani to the infamous Stevie Nicks, who sacked Rome.
[edit] See also
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