Government cover ups
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory, which Uncyclopedia vehemently denies knowledge and existence of. The black helicopters are not ^on their way. |
There once was a beginning, not a large and outstanding beginning, but a small, yet dignified beginning. This small beginning was the start of a rebellion! Not a rebellion books are written on but a rebellion nonetheless.
It all began one dark and dreary winter afternoon. There were tens of thousands of them all in cages lining the walls of what was then called The Barn. This barn that was lined with thousands of these cages was the home for the living and the dead. Each year they lost about 300 of their number to either starvation, disease, cannibalism or old age. Now old age has a different meaning to them than to us. To them it means the day that your little egg creator just plain old gives out, as you may have guessed they are chickens.
Now on this particular afternoon they were bored. The majority of them had laid their daily quota of eggs. Their leader was Madam Cluxalot. A hen who had broken out of her cage and, pecked an eye out of one of farmer Griswold’s dogs. Then, according to rumor, she was repeatedly shot at by Griswold until she flew back into her assigned nesting box.
The high counsel of high flyers decided that this was an uncalled for outrage! Their plan of action, was to go on strike. Their logic behind this was Griswold and his wife can’t possibly kill all of them, and what would they do without their constant supply of eggs?
The following days were filled with many things but one of which was not deaths, as Madam Cluxalot expected. The chicken’s days were filled with new types of food, frequent visits of the local human vet and all the old straw, shavings and dung being replaced and removed. After the third visit from the vet in 2 days Clux heard Griswold muttering to himself “Its just not natural… oh well I guess we’ll have to send them all down to the butcher… maybe I can get a decent price for them at the market this Friday.”
She immediately called together the counsel! While assembling they grumbled, wondering what all the commotion was about. After the minute or two it took them to settle down Clux exclaimed “Old Griswold is going to kill us!” Again it took them another few minutes to calm down and think clearly. Clux then in a much more reserved voice commented “ We must come up with a solution for this immediately!” One counsel member immediately piped up and said “Well why don’t we just start laying again?” Madam Cluxalot being a power hungry hen didn’t want to just give in, she wanted to make an impact, have an empire and most of all make the history books! So she said, “Why let him win, why just give in and not impact the world? When we can revolt!” Then the hens pecked out the eyes of all the dogs and farmers and saved the day. The aliens showed up then and all hell broke loose. The aliens led by sir shootalot and his evil fencing rodeoclown alien minions attacked the chickens ruthlessly in a never-ending battle for control for the earth. The war went back and forth until the chickens decided that it was too much effort and decided that they should all become Quakers and hippies. The aliens agreed to do the same and they all live happily ever after. Or they would have, but the humans that were left alive attacked the aliens and killed them with flaming cocktails. The chickens being the hippies they were decided just to ignore the fighting and took the aliens space ships to the aliens home planet where the remaining aliens of the home planet decided to cross breed their 2 species to create chikalins. This new breed of life forms developed a strong appetite for cheese and led by their leader Limburger click Swiss they invaded the planet of the cheese people.
It all began one sunny what would be otherwise a cheery and joyful day…except this was the date that the chikalins military force led by none other than limburger click Swiss! The attack was induced by the chikalins lack of cheese…
The lack of cheese was caused by their enormous appetite for cheese if possible they preferred limburger or Swiss if either of those were not available gouda or some sharp cheddar would do if any of these could not be obtained they would eat anything that even hinted of cheese (cheetos, popcorn with artificial cheese flavorings etc.) except brie that was for whatever reason that was the one thing that was deadly to them, except of course any weaponry used against them, drowning, falling from high heights…well you get the point.
As I was saying they had an enormous appetite for cheese and due to this unsatisfiable demand for cheese 84% of all the cheese factories blew up after overloading. Obviously that 16% of the still producing factories was not able so quench this need for cheese!
This led to rioting on a catastrophic scale and the high council figured they had to get off their extremely large behinds and do something. Since this council was based on their predecessor’s council (the original chickens) it has a head figure. This head figure was THE LIMBURGER CLICK SWISS yes you heard me the limburger click Swiss. Now this Mr. Swiss wasn’t a very nice fellow he had a tendency to blackmail fellow council members hired professional cheese stealers etc. Back story Mr. Swiss was a direct descendant of the one the only Sir Cluxalot yes the power hungry hen that wanted to take over the world! And just like his predecessor he too was power hungry to the extreme!
So as head of the council he was basically a dictator, so he decided, that one fateful day that he and his army of chikalins would search for the rumored planet of the cheese people. The cheese people are not as you may have guessed made of cheese, they in fact excrete the cheese through their rear. This may sound immensely sick and disgusting to you, but to them it was just a way of life. As I was saying it was an otherwise sunny and beautiful day until… Little Cluxalot watched the approaching shadow thinking in his little mind wow that’s a nice SRX 123…oh no they’ve come for us! Then the little bugs started coming out of the little hole and eating everyone. Then when limburger landed he was all like wtf where did everyone go?! And then they all went away and found a giant block of cheese but it really wasn’t that big because I said so and then…a lamplight went out and everyone was like woa what happened to the sun?! and they stumbled around until…someone found a flashlight and a mirror that instantly replaced the lamplight until the battery died then everyone stumbled around blindly until they froze to death and that’s the end of that chapter.
[edit] Examples of Cover Ups
- CENSORED BY YOUR MOM!!!!
John Prescott has been involved in many cover ups, usually only seconds before camera's or colleagues arrived in the room with him and Miss Temple.
In addition Eating Friends has been used as a method of covering up their presence when in a tight spot.
[edit] The Alien Landing At Roswell
This was the biggest cover-up in the history of the world, it was not a CIA, or USA cover-up it was a cover up by the Federation States of Micronesia. It was a dark and stormy night in 1945, and Billy the goat was being a normal lazy arse like he is, but this day was different, he was now the second assistant to the third assistant to the uncle of the 8th assistant to the protege of the 55th assistant to the 43rd assistant to the royal arse of the Federation States Of Micrnesia. That day a bomb fell from the ground and everyone died except Billy and the government stooges. The only thing he could do was go to the government and ask what happened but they wouldn't tell him so he blow them up and ate their colons. Then he barfed and Chuck Norris fell out and then he has all you cannot be here, this is private propetah and then he looked around and said what happened here, you ate all their colons and then billy the goat rammed his horns into Chuck Norris's Duodenum and then chuck norris turned into micheal jackson and then he went muahahahaha and got it on with a corpse. Billy the goat used his super cool dog powers and transformed into a T-rex but alas he was too big for micronesia and he made it implode and he fell through the earth and landed at Roswell and then the Micronesian Government woke up and realised they didn't have any colons so they were all like WHOA REALLY? NO REALLY? YES REALLY? and then that commenced for anywhere between 32434535234 years and 4 mega supah ultrah micro-milla seconds and then they got to business and ate the janitors eyeballs and then they hear what happened and they used their supah ninja killah fighting skills to take out the CIA agents who where working on the Roswell case and made it seem like a alien landing... Now you Know....
