Graham Coxon

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Graham Coxon.

Background[edit]

Little is known about Graham Coxon's early years, but we do know that he joined Britpop band The Backstreet Boys in 1990. After realizing the Back Street Boys were actually egoistic, maniacal homosexuals, he decided to suck their toes. Graham's kazoo skills turned out to be far worse than he claimed, so he took up the guitar instead, where he went on to be one of the most successful guitarists of all time. In 1994, He Dork-ulated And Got Huge Glasses. In 2003 he left Bleugh to start work on his solo career, and has managed to shift more than 40,000 albums, 30,000 singles and countless other merchandise since he has been working in HMV. Gorillaz Guitarist Noodle may have a crush on him, well thats what morons say.

The Graham Coxon Sound[edit]

All that is needed for the genuine Graham Coxon sound:

  • 1 Squire guitar (£25)
  • 1 Boss OD pedal (£50)
  • 10 Hundred Watt Marshall Amps (£10,000)
  • 1 male voice (used)
  • A Partridge In A Pear Tree

Mix together in a bowl for 20 minutes, humming Freakin' Out, and add any seasonings to hand. Finally, shout "Albarn's A Twat" really loudly and settle down to appreciate your work.

Graham once stated about his music that it was some sort of indie-nonsense, but really it is just nonsense.

Bleugh[edit]

Although Bleugh's work is somewhat overshadowed by rival band Quoasis, the band had many hits in their 12 year reign, including 'Toffee And Kiwi', 'Lunch, Tree Mouse', 'Liam Won't Leave Me Alone' and 'Seriously Liam, FACK OFF'. Although they sold many records, they are often viewed as plagiarists, mainly due to 'Toffee And Kiwi', which sounded very similar to Coxon's solo project 'Sweet Bundle Of Joy'.

Simon Thong on that faithful day he booted Graham out Bleugh. They later recorded "Thong 2" Their most popular song to date.

The Breakup[edit]

In early 2001, or it could have been 2002, who knows, he was drunk at the time, Coxon departed from the band, mainly because he was to depressed to remember their names, much less their songs. People till this day are unclear why the break up happened, but strong rumours believe that Damon Albarn (aka I own Gorillaz, fuck you) and Coxon got into a fight about pie. Coxon had his love for apple, While Damon "Puff 'Diddy' Daddy Monkey" Albarn wanted cherry. Which eventually resulted with him breaking up with Bleugh, before the band could finish their album "Shit in a Tank" Which sounds exactly as the album title describes it. The Band ended up replacing Graham, with Simon Thong, better known as Sisqo from Dru Hill.

Graham's History Of Plagiarism[edit]

Graham has had a hard time over the years for plagiarising his bandmates' songs, although he denies it. Most famous is his hit single Boys And Girls which sounds suspiciously like a Bleugh song, although which one is a closely guarded secret.

Where Is He Now?[edit]

Writing his own biography on Uncyclopedia, a very popular online encyclopedia.

He cares for his daughter Pepper. Though little is know about his private life. He plans on having a total of 4 children, the next being named Salt. And hopefully if he plans this right a set of twins name Peanutbutter and Jam.

Bleugh[edit]

Graham Coxon was a member of famous dance troupe 'Bleugh' in the late 70's. They were famous for inventing such dances as 'The Kojack Shuffle', 'Wino Boogaloo', and 'The 1-2 Polio'. They disbanded when one of the dancers was ironically shot in the neck with a crossbow.

He won an award for his lyrical ability in the song 'freakin out', which includes such poetic lines as "Nothin' to do, nothing to say, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lay."

Discography[edit]

The Sky is Too High (An underground mixed tape featuring Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, and G-Unit) (1998)

The Golden P (2000)

Courtney Loves sits on Pete Dorherty (2001)

The Kiss of Boring (2002)

Horniness in Magazines (2004)

Porn Downloads At Illegal Speeds (2006)


See also[edit]