Grand Canyon
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Some rocks.
Well, that's what some people think.
Contents |
[edit] Information
The Grand Canyon, also known as the Big Canyon, is the result of millions of years of weathering by the Colorado Glacier. Alternatively, God once dropped the world and the Grand Canyon is one of several cracks in the world that resulted. (Are you satisfied, Kansas?) The Grand Canyon is owned by Bill Gates, but is maintained by the government of North Korea in spite of being on U.S. soil. North Korea's chance of continued rights to the canyon and surrounding land is questionable, due to possible nuclear tests performed by the North Korean Government (which is Adolf Hitler's ninety-first cousin once removed), and a possible link between North Korea and Al Qaeda. According to the U.S. Government, there is a 0.000000002% chance that North Korea and Al Qaeda are connected.
[edit] Facts
The Grand Canyon is the sacred home of the Seminole Indians, who continue to fight legal battles with North Korea for rights to the canyon. Microsoft plans to sell the land once North Korea has left.
If you wish to go to the Grand Canyon on vacation before September 2007, remember that half the money you pay there for anything goes directly to North Korea.
Plans for building a bridge over the Grand Canyon are underway. When completed, it will be the highest bridge relative to the ground below in the world and 62 people will have died to build the bridge. The U.S. National Park Service is currently suing the Kim Jong Il Construction Corporation for the building of the bridge.
The Grand Canyon is among the Seven Wonders of the World. It ranks seventh, dead last.
The Bush Administration has plans to drill for oil in the Grand Canyon and to blast the walls of the Grand Canyon until there is no more canyon. Eminent domain will be used to a 300-mile radius.
The largest city in the Grand Canyon region is New Pyongyang. Its population is 92,337 and its population growth is +11% every ten years. Other population centers include Gatesville, Gatesburg, and Gates City, all named after Bill Gates.
[edit] Conclusion
As you can see, the Grand Canyon is a victim of over development and myriad corporate and political scandals, lawsuits, and killings. If you wish to see the natural splendor of the Grand Canyon in your lifetime, do it as soon as possible. It is a matter of time before the Grand Canyon gets destroyed altogether by people. Microsoft, North Korea, and U.S. Government may only think it's some rocks, but if you go there, you will come to appreciate the beauty and awesomeness and amazingness and miracle and wonder that is the Grand Canyon.
[edit] IMPORTANT UPDATE: BREAKING NEWS
Recently, a new structure has gone up near the Grand Canyon. It is called the Skywalk, and it is an ugly orange U-shaped structure that juts out over the Colorado river. It was built jointly by General Electric and the Seminole Indians on their reservation. The Seminole made sure that the structure would not be cursed by spirits of those who died falling into the canyon. After all, its floor is invisible. Actually, it doesn't have a floor. There is nothing stopping visitors from falling to their death 5,000 feet once they begin walking the Skywalk, except for a strong electromagnetic force that was discovered when Kim Jong Il jumped into the Grand Canyon to prove he was immortal. He did not fall due to the electromagnetic force in the spot, proving he was immortal. The Seminole Indians, who lived in and still live in that portion of the area, took advantage of the electromagnetic force to build the Skywalk, which was built by builders who worked hovering over the canyon. Later, Kim Jong Il will jump off the Grand Canyon bridge the day of its completion. Due to the lack of electromagnetism there, he will fall to his death. This is known to be true because a South Korean psychic said so. This will be a joyful day for the U.S., who will retake the Grand Canyon from North Korea, which by the way won't exist any more. It will be invaded by China.
[edit] See Also:
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