Grand Theft Auto: Heaven

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An angel, Nazareth Vercetti (Tommi Vercetti's long lost great x 100 grandpa. In modern times, Tommi is just killed and since he was looking for truth for it he asks God.He says he doesn't know either, and also do to a busted drug deal, he decided to turn rebel.His plan is to find the truth by force.

You can kill people in heaven!


A trick God uses in the game.

Basically it's the same GTA only holified. Of course there are cars everywhere (each with all it's doors unlocked.) You can also steal boats, and planes, but it's VERY bad to do so (you get six wanted stars) You can also fly to location to location. If you get caught, you'll go to Hell instead of jail, but if you get injured, or die, you'll need to go to Jesus (providing that you don't kill him in the mission Kill All The Pagans. The game is non-linear so you can do whatever you want to do. But there's something new being added to this iteration to GTA. You can actually escape Hell if you get caught. They will kill you if you do, but if you do so in the process (or in the mission "Well As Hell" you'll open up the gates to Hell everywhere, much like ESIV Oblivion.) you can go anywhere from hell, it is much like a red room with over 1000 labelled doors while the guards with purple horn will chase you and an Uncyclopediad will hit you with a giant fork.


Specific types of vehicles making their appearance in the game:

Nazareth Vercetti Popeing his ride.
Nazareth Vercetti cruises down the River Styx with the gang members he has to deliver to Hades. Note the trail of unfortunate bystanders he's left in his wake.

Release date[edit]

...Whenever you die which is possibly June 27th 2007.


Cookie monster appears in the game for no reason what so ever.

“This is the worst disgrace that I have ever seen from Mankind! 0/10”

~ God

“Those wretched mortals have finally found out the truth. In no time the Earth will lock on into this game and everyone will suffer when they'll repeat these acts.”

“This is probably the truth about mankind. Screw freeing my niggaz! I enforce that the Civil Battle will kill all of the US. Then I'll make the world suffer! HAHA! 9/10”

“I roundhouse kicked God so much, he bled to death. I became the master! I'm Chuck Norris! 666/666”

“The minigame Hot Communion Bread is a disgrace!!”

“Who said I was done with my review?! Anyway I was just finishing up becoming the master, when Satan showed up looking for that copy of Naughty Nurses III I had just borrowed from him only 3 days ago. Only 3 days!! Who wants a video back that quickly? Well, I had just got back from the supermarket because I needed some Kleenex to get ready for the flick, but when I got in that ass Satan was sitting in my home waiting for me. So I was like "Hey man, you gotta be kidding me." And he was like, "Nah bro, I'm serious I need the flick back now, mmkay?" So I had no other choice but to give him the roundhouse spiral kick right to his red-horned ass, which put him out for a bit. He got up though and threw some fireball or some shit like that at me, but I'm Walker Texas fuckin' Ranger, fire doesn't hurt me. So I say to him "Look, I play you in a game of GTA: Heaven and we decide if you can take Naughty Nurses III back to your pad, that cool?" He was like "Sure I guess so." So the game started and I was getting him pretty good with the holy grenades and the Pope Mobile (Due to length restraints, we had to cut off Chuck Norris there)”

Oh shit! Jebus just crashed his dads car! God's gonna be pissed!


Feast on the blood of pedestrians!
  • Hot Communion Bread mod: up down up down up down up down X X X up down up down up down up down
  • Meet John Belushi: run around and find him, douche bag.
  • Spawn M1 Abrams tank & become invincible & have all weapons with infinite ammo & infinite money: up up down down left right left right Square X start
  • Assisted Suicide: Turn off console.
  • Use the Holy Hand Grenade without counting all the way to three